surviving infidelity? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-03-2005, 05:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I hear and read a lot about marriages "surviving infidelity", but I am curious how often that is the case. I know lots of people TRY to survive it, and in theory it seems to me that it can be done, but in reality, it seems most are never able to heal the hurt and regain the trust and they eventually split anyway.

Is it really possible to stay together and rebuild a marriage? Have you done it, or do you even know of anyone who has?
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Old 07-03-2005, 09:16 PM
 
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yes, it's possible. I think the key is BOTH people being completely committed to making it work, and being able to forgive (forget about 100% forgetting, at least for me, that'll never happen, but it certainly fades away over time). Communication is SO important.
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Old 07-03-2005, 10:45 PM
 
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It is possible.

My uncle cheated on my aunt about 25-30 years ago. They got through it and are still married today.
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Old 07-03-2005, 11:17 PM
 
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BIL cheated on SIL 6 years ago, while she was pg with their youngest child. It wasn't the easiest road, but they are still together and seem pretty happy.

We are six: Me : Dh : Ds1('00) Dd('02) Ds2('05) Ds3('08) and, wow! Soon to be seven, Dd2 due 4/23.
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Old 07-04-2005, 12:21 AM
 
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My parents did it. My dad cheated on my mom after 20 years of marriage (although they never discussed it with us: kids know) and they separated briefly, spent the whole separation dating, got back together and stayed happily married until my Dad died 31 years into their marriage.

It can be done.

{{{hugs}}}

Amy: Certified Professional Midwife and mom to Max (11) and Stella (6).
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Old 07-04-2005, 02:26 AM
 
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One of my best friends did it...

His wife cheated on him about five years ago and he "forgave" her... but she's still totally f'd up (the same reasons she had the affair in the first place) and he's just in it for the kids, so... is that really "getting over it"? I don't think so. It's not like they have a healthy relationship.

Lo
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Old 07-04-2005, 02:02 PM
 
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my cousin did...went home and told his wife he was in love with someone else when their daughter was about one...then when the relationship didn't work out he went back, tail between his legs and she took him back after a while...they have been back together for a long time now and have a son too...

as a side note...I could never do it...
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Old 07-05-2005, 12:20 AM
 
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Time and lots of work on building a whole new relationship from the ground up have helped us. But it never will be the same.

Mama to 3 daughters, expecting #4chicken3.gif

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Old 07-06-2005, 03:22 AM
 
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BTDT my dh cheated when my youngest was 6m and we went through very tough times there is no such thing as forgive and forget. We were seperated for over a year and we finally for back together a few years ago. This affair also included fathering another womans child so it was way more than an affair. It hurts everyday. We go up and down but in the end IT IS the children that keeps us bonded. As they always say if you think that the grass is greener on the other side THINK AGAIN.
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Old 07-06-2005, 03:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for all your responses. It's somewhat comforting to know that it can be done. Lots of hard work ahead, but it can be done. The myth does have some truth to it and that means the world to me right now.

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