When I was growing up, my dad was the kind of guy who couldn't let a pretty girl pass by without comenting on it. My brothers had pornos lying around, girly pics on the walls, etc. My whole family ate at Hooters, etc, etc, etc... Once I even remember my dad taking us somewhere where my brothers actually gave a girl $ to dance on a table (yes, we went there as a family)!
So I grew up with this unconscious view of that is what a woman is, yk? When I was like 15-19, I dressed provocatively, flirted, got a LOT of attention from guys/men. I had the 'prefect' body and didn't really think about it yet.
Then at 20, I got married and at 21 had a baby. Now at 27 and three babys total, I am still with the same great guy. (We actually first got together when I was 14 and he was 15.) So anyway, now my body is not what it is was. I am still okay- no huge stretch marks or weight gains, just had three DC, yk? I am no longer the 'perfect' image woman I grew up being told was all that.
So now I have this problem with myself. I see myself- my body- almost like damaged goods. Like a broken arm or something, something neither DH or I like, but something that we have to deal with because that's reality. I think he just does *that* (not sure what I san say here) with me, because I am his wife and he doesn't want to cheat. I think he would rather do that with a 18 year old perky young thing, because I was just conditioned to believe that's how the male mind works.
So, here I think that DH is only with me *physicially* (not emotionially or marriage-wise) because that's the 'good' and 'right' thing for him to do. Am I just that messed up from my childhood? Do most men prefer their wives or would they rather be with a young hottie when it comes time for *that*?
Now, just for the record, DH and I have a great relationship- in all areas, emotionially, and even physicially- it is really good.
He never makes me feel bad about myself or my body. He acts like I still look the same as always. This is all my issue.
What do you think?
:
So I grew up with this unconscious view of that is what a woman is, yk? When I was like 15-19, I dressed provocatively, flirted, got a LOT of attention from guys/men. I had the 'prefect' body and didn't really think about it yet.
Then at 20, I got married and at 21 had a baby. Now at 27 and three babys total, I am still with the same great guy. (We actually first got together when I was 14 and he was 15.) So anyway, now my body is not what it is was. I am still okay- no huge stretch marks or weight gains, just had three DC, yk? I am no longer the 'perfect' image woman I grew up being told was all that.
So now I have this problem with myself. I see myself- my body- almost like damaged goods. Like a broken arm or something, something neither DH or I like, but something that we have to deal with because that's reality. I think he just does *that* (not sure what I san say here) with me, because I am his wife and he doesn't want to cheat. I think he would rather do that with a 18 year old perky young thing, because I was just conditioned to believe that's how the male mind works.
So, here I think that DH is only with me *physicially* (not emotionially or marriage-wise) because that's the 'good' and 'right' thing for him to do. Am I just that messed up from my childhood? Do most men prefer their wives or would they rather be with a young hottie when it comes time for *that*?
Now, just for the record, DH and I have a great relationship- in all areas, emotionially, and even physicially- it is really good.
He never makes me feel bad about myself or my body. He acts like I still look the same as always. This is all my issue.
What do you think?