who's not planning on having any more babies? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 01:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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this new baby is my second and to be my last baby, and it's on my mind all the time. i've got two beautiful sons, and i'm not getting any younger ... and dh & i are agreed that two children is perfect for us, even though we haven't done any surgery to guarantee no more kids yet. but i'm definitely finding i'm mourning my 2nd & last birth/newborn and my never again to be pregnant body ... and i'm kind of mourning not having a daughter, though i'm fairly certain i'm much better equipped to raise boys than girls. but even so ... i'm rambling.

... anyone else thinking such things? in the same boat? are you sad? relieved? something else?
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#2 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 02:46 AM
 
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This is our last child as well. We always said we wanted 2. I am relieved but also a bit devestated. I think endings are sad and this is an ending for me. Its hard though because I am 22 and dh is 24 and scheduling his vasectomy for January. Like I know we could have a dozen more beautiful children together and thats hard. Logically 2 kids is fine, emotionally not so much, though it might just be the prolactin talking...
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#3 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 05:06 AM
 
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Maybe it'll hit me later, but for now I'm completely content with being done birthing just two. I'm 36 right now, and by the time I would ever decide I was ready to raise another babe, it would be around 40. And I'm not prepared to put my body through that at 40 - - heck, it was tough at 35 for me. I have a handful of friends that had babes at 40, and they did just fine - but they were much more fit than I've ever been.

If we *do* decide to add to our family, we would happily consider adoption.

Jocelyn, I would probably feel the way you do if my dh and I were still in our early 20's, and deciding we were done already. That's tough.
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#4 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 09:14 AM
 
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This is our last biological child. dh went in for a vasectomy this week. I am sad about not being pregnant again or birthing another baby again. It makes me really want to treasure these newborn moments, you know?
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#5 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 02:10 PM
 
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This will be our last one for lots of reasons. I can't handle the thought of getting back on the roller coaster ride that we have been on for the past four years in order to have this baby. I'm not getting any younger either. I'm 35, dh 36 and I'm not up for being near 40 when I have the next. I feel better and better about htis decision every day. I know it's what is best for me and for my family, although dd won't be so happy as she so desparately wants a sister to play with.
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#6 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 03:40 PM
 
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we're done i'm 34 and my partner is 42

she only wanted two kids but i squeezed another one in anyway

i feel sadder than i thought i would
three hasn't been that hard and now i think four kids would be nice

but we are done and maybe it's just hard to move on from never having another

i'm loving every minute of a wee new babe again so i'll just enjoy and move on
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#7 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 03:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jade2561
This is our last child as well. We always said we wanted 2. I am relieved but also a bit devestated. I think endings are sad and this is an ending for me. Its hard though because I am 22 and dh is 24 and scheduling his vasectomy for January. Like I know we could have a dozen more beautiful children together and thats hard. Logically 2 kids is fine, emotionally not so much, though it might just be the prolactin talking...
DH and I are the same age as you guys are, I know how it feels. We practice NFP, though, so who's to say there won't be a third baby. This is probably the last baby we'll have that we actually tried for. I love being pregnant and giving birth, and the whole process of it, so it's hard since this is a potential ending for us.

Anna , partner to Chad geek.gif , mommy to Aidan (10/12/04) and Nate (07/18/06) fencing.gif , and Violet fairy.gif(10/23/07) .

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#8 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 04:53 PM
 
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Liberty is our 4th an final edition. I am sad I will never get to experience pregnancy again...and birth, too. I guess that's why I've always wanted to be a midwife~ so I can forever be a part of the process.

On the flip side of that same coin I'm happy to have my family complete. I have always wanted a daughter and now have one~ along with 3 amazing sons. I am stoked to watch them grow and develop strong bonds with one another.

Ashley~certified nurse-midwife mama to 6 little novaxnocirc.gifhomebirth.jpglotbirth.gif loves, including sweet Cordelia Jane born at home waterbirth.jpgon 11/12/10.
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#9 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 05:09 PM
 
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This is our second, and we're nowhere near done. I am 21, DH is 30, we're young, energetic, and desire a large family. However, these first two are less than a year apart, so Mama would like a break until we start having more.
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#10 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 07:30 PM
 
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This baby will be our last. Assuming, of course, that he or she ever decides to be born! After my first two, I never thought we were done. We talked about it, but we weren't sure. But I never FELT done. This time, I knew immediately. I was happy to be pregnant, but knew that this was it for us.

Right now, in my overdue and very cranky state, I can't imagine being sad about it, but I bet I will be in a little while. I do intend to enjoy this birth as much as is possible.
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#11 of 30 Old 07-29-2006, 09:52 PM
 
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Third time is a charm for us. This is likely our last baby, although we're not going to do anything permanent until they are much older. Dh says we're too young to do that yet. So I'm trying to enjoy it as much as I can.
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#12 of 30 Old 07-30-2006, 02:43 PM
 
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im done for now.

i'd eventually like to have more.

Jami (25) Roland (27) & Caleb (5), Jacob (3.5) , Kaitlyn (2)
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#13 of 30 Old 07-30-2006, 02:56 PM
 
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i had always wanted 3, and when my 3rd arrived i felt like everyone was on board. but, #4 was a complete suprise. i know, dh could have had the V if we were done, but i guess we just put it off, and looking at my little guy i'm so glad we did.
i'm 39, and this guy will be learning to walk on my 40th bday which feels alittle strange. but, i'm done! i feel good, but i know i've reached the max on what i can handle.
dh wants #5, but he's basking in the babymoon, and as soon as this one starts getting into things, he's going to be glad it's just 4.
i won't be getting AF back for at least another 15 mos (though i treat it like i already have it, i don't assume sex is babyproof),but i'm sure i'll be able to convince dh to get the V before the year is out.
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#14 of 30 Old 07-30-2006, 07:43 PM
 
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Well I'll be 33 in 10 day and I'm still young. All of my babies have the same father and well since he's not in the picture any more, as of Feb., it doesn't look like I"ll have anymore. I'm strange and don't like the idea of different fathers, but I guess one never knows. I would love to have more.
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#15 of 30 Old 07-30-2006, 11:11 PM
 
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I think two is it for us! Although this one wasn't planned (we were going to start TTC but hadn't yet)...so another isn't completely out of the question...but I think this will be it. I'm trying to treasure every moment...though I prefer the daytime moments and wish there were fewer nighttime ones!

Quote:
i'm kind of mourning not having a daughter, though i'm fairly certain i'm much better equipped to raise boys than girls
Same here. Don't think I could raise a girl (afraid I would turn into my mother) but there is a part of me who will miss having a daughter...
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#16 of 30 Old 07-31-2006, 09:37 AM
 
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4th and final, here... nak
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#17 of 30 Old 07-31-2006, 03:20 PM
 
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luckymama,
I could have written your exact post!

Not quite ready to think about it too much for a while, though!

Alaskan Mom to 2 boys
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#18 of 30 Old 08-01-2006, 07:42 AM
 
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I wish I hadn't taken so long to get round to having no.2 (8 years!) because she is so great and so easy so far compared to first dd that I now terribly want a no. 3!! But I'm 36 now and wouldn't be ready for another until 40 and that would I think be too much for my body...but I'm secretly hoping for a surprise to override my common sense...
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#19 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 11:51 AM
 
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Been doing some thinking about this one!

Originally when I saw this thread I didn't post because I was pretty sure we'd have more. Now that I'm back in this newborn phase though, I realize how intense the first two years are. Well, the first three years. Or maybe it's the first 18 years....

Anyhoo. We are conflicted. Part of me sees DD1 becoming more independent every day, and feeling pretty good about it. I mean she's not ready for an apartment or anything, but she can eat on her own, entertain herself for short periods of time, go up and down the stairs without me worrying she'll fall... and DD2 will be there in no time. So adding another child in a few years means we wait another 2-3 years for that child to reach the same state before we can do certian things or go certain places... like I'm picturing family game night, taking vacations, etc... Is that totally crazy/ selfish?

The other part of me loves this phase and feels like I had such a great birth experience that I really want to do it again! Then again there are no guarantees that the next pregnancy will be like this one. Ultimately I guess only time will tell. We'll have to see how we feel in a couple of years.

I was wondering whether it would be easier to wait a longer period of time for the 3rd child if we were to decide to go that route... say 4+ years. I was interested in moms who had big gaps between their kids... PancakeGoddess and Soapdiva come to mind (sorry to call you out! hope you don't mind ) Just curious - how do you think the dynamic works for your family? Positives/ negatives?
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#20 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 11:59 AM
 
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Well, this is our first. I had planned on having 4, in my perfect little world. But, I think that I may want to adopt at least 1 of the 4 if not 2 of the 4. I still like that number, I grew up with between 9-15 kids (my Mom did foster care and we provided for a lot of kids...).

When people ask me now, if I would do this again and have another one, I say the same thing every time. 'Let's Go!!' I am so ready. I loved being pregnant. I love this newborn stuff. I even love her crying colicky hours. I love it love it love it.

But, I will say this. I hated giving birth. Loved laboring, loved my overall birth experience (aside from the crappy pp stuff that I dealt with, but who didn't here really? ), but I HATED the feeling of pushing that baby out. Enough in fact that I am PETRIFIED that with the next baby I will freeze at an inoppurtune time of the labor and delivery and require a c-section for psychological reasons. I know that sounds silly, and I can hear y'all laughing all the way up in WA, but I am so scared of that happening. I don't know if I will let that get in the way of me having at least one more. I do want to adopt at least one, so here's hoping that I end up with at least 3 kids!
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#21 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 12:54 PM
 
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luckymama- i also could have written your exact post...

I think to myself, this is the last time to bathe a 2 wk old, last time to nurse a 3 wk 6 day old, etc., etc. etc.

I know that my family is complete, but I am also young (25) and will surely have waivering moments as my sister and close friends start having their babies! I know I will have newborn fever!

Busy wife to dh for 5 years and mama to ds1 (11.09.04), ds2 (7.17.06) and ds3 coming Aug 09. :::
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#22 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 12:57 PM
 
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::jumps up and down, waving hands wildly "me! me! I'm done!!" falls over in relief.::
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#23 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 01:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BurgundyElephant
::jumps up and down, waving hands wildly "me! me! I'm done!!" falls over in relief.::
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#24 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 02:17 PM
 
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perfect time for this thread to be revived, since I had a dream last night I thought I might have accidentally gotten pregnant again. OMG, the dread. I have never been so sure I'm finished.

Quagmire, your post SO reminds me of how I felt for many years - just really on the fence. It was frustrating not to be able to settle on something. Then, we tried a while and couldn't GET pregnant.

So, although this arrangement has it's cons, I feel like it was meant to be. It's right for us, even though some of it's really challenging. So, here are pros/cons:

pros: older boys are so helpful. so. very. helpful. They are also able to appreciate all the super-sweet and cute things the babies do, in a more grown-up way, and that's fun. Another really nice thing about the big gap is that I really *know* it will get easier. For a few years, when my boys both over 4, it was AWESOME. So much fun with very little of the chaos and fatigue. So now, on my worst days when I can't handle the baby work, I reassure myself that it really will be better.

cons: as homeschoolers, I want to take the big boys places that the babies can't easily go. Or, they can go but it would be a nightmare. Otoh, I want to take the toddler to a playgroup or storytime, but that is very boring for big boys, and also inevitably happens in the morning when I'm trying to do bookwork with the big boys.
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#25 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 02:32 PM
 
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I know we're done. I knew we were done the minute I got the BFP. "OMG!! Pregnant!! Yay!!! And we're done!" And I still know we're done, and of course now I'm sad about it. My boy will be a month old tomorrow, and it's already happening too fast. It's been so much harder this time, with the two older girls, I feel like I've missed the best part already. (whooo, here come the postpartum hormones!) I told DH that if people want to keep dropping newborns in my lap, I'm all for it, but I'm not up for another pregnancy. And in a way, though it's sad, it's also kind of freeing to know that this is the last time we'll do this. My 4.5 year old amazes me daily - in another few years we'll be able to do a whole slew of new things.

OK I am rambling. Gotta quit.
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#26 of 30 Old 08-30-2006, 02:59 PM
 
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Quote:
PancakeGoddess and Soapdiva come to mind (sorry to call you out! hope you don't mind ) Just curious - how do you think the dynamic works for your family? Positives/ negatives?
Well, after this colicky reflux baby, I know I am DONE! I couldn't do this again! Dh told me I can "chop it off' if he ever suggests another!

I'm really not sure how it will work out. Aidan was not happy at first. He had me alone for 6 years with 100% attention then BOOM, we end up with this little one who screams all day and can't be put down but hates most carriers. oy. He was definitely depressed for several weeks and would say things like, "You're spending more time with the baby than me." At least he verbalized it though. He didn't want anything to do with the baby for weeks. Now he loves him and is almost a little mother hen. It will be interesting to see what happens as they age. I think it will be tough in some ways because of the age gap and different interests and activities and abilities. But i never would have been able to handle ds2 and a toddler. yikes!!!! Since Aidan is so much older, I do think it allows me to enjoy the baby more. There are definitely pros and cons!

I'm not worried about the gap in terms of them being friends. Dh can't stand his bro who is 18 months younger and is close friends with his bro who is 10 years younger - its all about personality.
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#27 of 30 Old 08-31-2006, 06:37 PM
 
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i only wanted 2 and I wanted them to be 2 years apart...well I got my two 2 years and 2 weeks apart...I am 29 so I don't know how I will feel later but currntly not missing being prego!
We practice NFP and SO wants more so I will have to be very cautious.

carlie~33 DP~40 mom to Cadan Riley 7/22/04, Kailin Naiya 8/05/06,, Ronen Blake12/13/08 , Rosen Blythe 7/26/10.
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#28 of 30 Old 08-31-2006, 10:40 PM
 
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I used to want a very large family...but after 3 kids and a divorce, I accepted that my family was through. Kasen was a total surprise and from the start I told dh that we would need to have another - so this one wasn't spoiled. Then, after morning sickness I thought, "or not"...then, in labor I thought, "NO WAY"...now, I think...I could still have that large family...

DH would be happy to be done now...but he'd be happy with another if that's what I really want. I don't know...but it is neat to think that maybe we could add more if we wanted to. (Oh..and on the age thing, I will be 39 the first of October...and while my body didn't respond to pregnancy like it did before (more fatigue, more backache)...it wasn't bad at all...and it is VERY nice to be pregnant/have a newborn when you are in a better place to appreciate it than one *usually* is in their 20s. That's my $.02.)

Mrs. S - Crunchy child of The King, Wife to my best friend, and Mama to my many blessings.

 
 
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#29 of 30 Old 09-07-2006, 04:12 PM
 
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We are so not done!!! I want at least one more, but would really like 2. I've already planned the next time we will TTC, I dont even care if my stretchmarks go from the top of my bellybutton to the bottom of my breasts. I love being a mom!!!

Is it wrong that I really*REALLY* want another boy? I just cant get enough of my little totoro, and really want to give him a little brother.
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#30 of 30 Old 09-13-2006, 12:50 AM
 
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DP doesn't want anymore! I want at least one more though...can't stand the thought of Ava not having a sibling. We'll see...

Amy, mommy to Ava, 6, Gavin, 4, Lila, 2, and Baby #4 due in early November! joy.gif
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