It's been rough... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 08-21-2006, 11:33 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi all. I have missed this board so much. I forget how much support I get and how nice it is to "talk" to other moms who think kinda like me. Well, it's been rough, but we're getting through. My dh's job laid him off. Then, they called him back and said he wasn't laid off, but they are barely giving him any hours. It's just been really slow at work. We'd be better off if they'd officially lay him off financially, but I think we'd both go nuts if we were both home all the time. Also, there's a lot of upward poential at this job. Our toddler has been giving us a heck of a time going to sleep. She screams terribly and I'm sure the neighbors think we are beating her. I feel so torn because it seems there is not enough of me to go around, with a nursling who wants to be attached much of the time, a needy toddler and a messy house, plus there's my dh too. I'm definitely feeling overwhelmed here. And then losing my brother on top of it. I could deal with everything else. I'm not sure I know how to deal with that. I think I'm still sorta in denial. I can't seem to wrap my mind aroudn it. Plus, I feel like I need to take care of my mom and my SIL and the kids. He has 3 kiddos-8 yo DS, 6yo DD, 3yo DD. I don't know what to say to people. A guy came to the house today to take Mattie's pictures as some sort of promo thingie. He said he has five kids and I said oh yeah, I'm one of five. So he asked ow many of each I had, so I told him 2 brothers and 2 sisers. Luckily, it ended there. Then somehow we got into talking aobut tattoos. My brother was a tattoo artist and I mentioned that. It never became necessary for me to say anything thank goodness. It's hard for me not to talk about him, but I get a sinking feeling like I may have to say he's gone. An I still can't say the D word yet. I really missed him yesterday when we were all hanging out at my mom's house and he would've been there. It's just so sad and seems too unfair to be real. I think it's too big for me to deal with. So I better go relieve dh, who is still trying to get dd settled into bed. That is, if my nursling is really asleep. She has a way of being asleep until I hand her to dh and then she's starving. Thanks for listening. I will update my original post about my brother with details soon. It's so hard to find time to get online anymore.

Jessica, mama to Emma, 7, Mattie, 5.5 and Lilly, 3 and someone new this Halloween-ish.

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#2 of 3 Old 08-21-2006, 11:55 PM
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Jessica. You need it more than anyone on here right now.

I can't even imagine having to deal with all that you are dealing with right now. I can almost assure you that you are in denial. You are in survival mode more than likely, and that's okay. Everyone does what they need to in order to get by, and you are doing exactly the right thing. I am sure that you miss your brother, and I am so sorry that you have to deal with DH having less hours at work, that has to be tough.

It's never easy when someone passes and it's especially tough when it's family. I know that your Mom and SIL will look back on this time and thank God that you were there and helping them through all of this. You are a wonderful person for being so generous and giving with your time and your love. Make some time to grieve, and keep your chin up. We are all thinking of you!
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#3 of 3 Old 08-22-2006, 12:03 AM
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I am so sorry that this is such a difficult time. Toddlers can seem to exacerbate an already hard time too! As far as sleeping, our 2 1/2 year old is figuring out what it is to sleep, girls tend to mature faster than boys, so, maybe what is working now for us, will work with your younger girl. For the past 9 months, since he stopped nursing to sleep he has been a BEAR to get to go to sleep.

What is working NOW for us is DH reads a book, then we tell him "It's time to goto sleep, what do you do to go to sleep? (he answers - dream) So who are you going to dream about (little conversation about dreaming, who is going to dream about whom). You are not alone, mommy and daddy are always with you, we are right across the hall. If you scream and throw a fit, then I will have to turn my ears off, that makes my ears hurt and I can't understand you anyway. It makes me sad to hear you scream for no reason. It makes daddy sad. How do you go to sleep?..... " over and over we say this every night. When he starts to scream we try to get in his room before he gets going full steam and then we start the process over. It has only taken a few days to get this pattern to improve his sleep procedures. This may only work for a few weeks for us, but for now it's working and I couldn't be happier. I do the process while making my way to his door in the darkened room. When I am about to leave, I make sure he knows I am leaving and remind him that we love him, will see him in the morning and that he needs to stay quiet and go to sleep!

Good luck, it's so hard to get them to sleep. Hopefully things start looking up for you and your family.

Mama crochetsmilie.gifto Max blahblah.gif9, Neva hearts.gif 7, & Esme fairy.gif4 and Julius guitar.gif 2.


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