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#1 of 31 Old 06-25-2006, 10:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Some people say the most thoughtless, stupid things. I have gotten such a mixed slew of comments about my body this whole pregnancy...I am huge and must be carrying twins, I am so tiny I can't possibly have only 7 weeks left, I look fantastic and am not carrying weight anywhere but my belly, I am putting on weight in my butt, etc. Obviously they cannot all be right. If I had my way I would ignore them all and just look in the mirror myself and think I look great! But I am unfortunately influenced by what people think.
So to make a long story short, I had my baby shower 2 weeks ago. I thought I looked great. I walked in all confident and feeling sexy mama-ish. Then on the way home my sil decided to tell me that I shouldn't wear those pants anymore pregnant because they were not flattering. That took the wind out of my sails and I started feeling self-conscious. Then today a friend said how great I look and I only had a basketball and my SISTER said "ALTHOUGH, at your shower friend A and B were talking and said your butt is bigger and I said no it wasn't and then you turned around and I was like Wow, it is!"
Ass. Who says things like that?!?! So now I am feeling like a moron. Are all the people who tell me I look great just lying behind my back? Now my main feelings towards my baby shower is how I looked like a lard butt and everyone was probably talking about it behind my back. I am majorly depressed now. And to add some cattiness to it, all the people who have said these things are AT LEAST 40 lbs heavier than me at my current pregnant weight! So why am I bothered? Hormones?
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#2 of 31 Old 06-25-2006, 10:08 PM
 
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You've seen yourself in the mirror, you know you look fabulous.

Next time someone tells you crap like that, especially your sister telling you what other people *may* have said, ask her "why on earth would you say that to me? That really hurt my feelings." Then if she does anything but apologize politely inform her that "When you are ready to be considerate, let me know."

It's not you having hormonal problems, it's them being RUDE!
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#3 of 31 Old 06-25-2006, 11:58 PM
 
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What horrible hurtful things for people who are supposed to be your support system to say. I'm so sorry momma. They are just rude. IMO all pg moms are beautiful.
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#4 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 01:54 AM
 
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You know, my gut reaction is that they're jealous of how good you look, or how happy you are, or that you're pregnant and they're not. Or maybe all of the above. So many people want to tear others down where they're in a good place. I don't get it.
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#5 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 01:56 AM
 
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I was having the same exact issue with a good friend of mine. I came to realize that since she is a lot heavier than I am and she is very unhappy with her life, she was trying to bring me down with her. Pregnant women have enough to worry about and deal with on a daily basis to have some dumb a$$ try and criticize us when we look our *~BEST*~!!! Just remember that you are absolutely radiant and if these relative/friends can't say anything nice, it might be best to avoid them until baby comes...thats how I decided to handle my "friend"!!! You're beautiful momma!!! They can suck it

Lee Ann ~ SAHM to Carolina(4)uc.jpg, Aurora (2)uc.jpg, and belly.gifwith #3 - due in December!
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#6 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 08:44 AM
 
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Here is my standard line for when anyone says anything hurtful, and it applies in every situation I can ever think of and that has ever happened:

"How am I supposed to feel when I hear that?"


And BTW, I think you look great Ya wanna compare asses sometime? I think you'll be pleased by the side by side.
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#7 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 08:50 AM
 
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I think people feel they can say ANYTHING to a pregnant women. I've never figured out why. :

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#8 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 09:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies! Karma, I would actually rather compare tushies with the ladies in question.
I totally agree with you vegan...WHY do people say things to pregnant women that they would NEVER say otherwise? It makes no sense but I find the more pregnant I get the stupider everyone else gets.
I should probably say in my little sister's defense that she is normally sweet as pie and I think it came out like verbal vomit. As soon as it was out she looked shocked and even called me after she left to apologize again. It didn't really make me feel better though. I told her "whenever someone compliments someone and you interject with a statement beginning with the word ALTHOUGH, it is probably best you just bite yout tongue cause it ain't gonna be pretty."
Although I love LOVE being pregnant it IS difficult to watch your body change everyday and get heavier...especially if you are self-conscious anyways and other people are insensitive. God, people better figure it out within the next 7 weeks cause I will flip out if they still say that when I am trying to lose the weight!
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#9 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 11:09 AM
 
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Does your sister have kids? Maybe she's jealous because you are having twins and looking FABULOUS and she wants that for herself.
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#10 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 11:52 AM
 
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people do say the rudest things to pg women. I just don't get it :

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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#11 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 12:01 PM
 
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Sounds like you are feeling better about everything right now. But, I can't believe that people would make comments like that at your BABY shower! How completely rude and insensitive. :

And, I love Karma's comeback! Since I've had a few run-ins with people saying "wow, you look 9 mos pregnant already." or "wow, you are really all out there lately." or "you are getting FAT." (my gpa) Well, I'm at a loss for finding the words too. And, for some reason, the flabbergasted look on my face isn't enough for them to get a clue.

Hang in there mama! We're almost done and soon we'll have beautiful little babes to show for all our hard work!

Steph, wife to C, mama to O :, E , and I :.
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#12 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 12:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peilover010202
Hang in there mama! We're almost done and soon we'll have beautiful little babes to show for all our hard work!
True, and then suddenly no one will even look us in the eye anymore. They'd rather ogle over the baby. All of a sudden we will no longer exist! You can wear ANYTHING when you're carrying a cute newborn and no one will say a thing.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#13 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veganf
True, and then suddenly no one will even look us in the eye anymore. They'd rather ogle over the baby. All of a sudden we will no longer exist! You can wear ANYTHING when you're carrying a cute newborn and no one will say a thing.
Is that ever the truth!

Steph, wife to C, mama to O :, E , and I :.
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#14 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 01:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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3 angels, I am not having twins .
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#15 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 01:21 PM
 
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Sorry they have done that to you.
That was insensitive and shallow.

Dont take it to heart (easier said then done, I know) .
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#16 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 01:54 PM
 
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People are so rude. Why on Earth does anyone think that it's okay to discuss the size of anyone's ass ever??? It just blows my mind.

One of my closest friends gained 70 lb with both of her pregnancies and it took her a good long time to loose it all. She would ask me how she looked, and my response was ALWAYS "You look fabulous! Glowing, pregnant and beautiful!" Because she did!!!!

I'm sure you look beautiful too. Hope you had a great time at your shower!
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#17 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 02:05 PM
 
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I am sorry you had to hear such hurtful things. All I can think is jealousy and who looks at a pregnant womans butt? I am always checking out the cute belly's

tara
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#18 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 03:42 PM
 
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I have decided I like the way my SIL's sister is -- She's the sweetest lady in the world to begin with, and she just told me "I think you're the cutest pregnant lady I've ever seen... " We need to hear stuff like that, not that you're so big/fat/small, etc.

My mom and dad apparently were discussing my body behind my back (nice, huh....) and my dad said... "that's all baby there" to my mom. I guess I like that okay too. Like for people who don't see you daily, maybe a "Wow, you're actually pregnant, aren't you?!?" might be okay... but NEVER a big/fat/small/butt/thigh comment.

Just my opinion,
Erin
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#19 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 09:08 PM
 
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I don't really have anything more to add than what's already been said, but just want to give hugs to my beautiful DDC sisters!
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#20 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 09:10 PM
 
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Wait until you have more kids (If you do). No matter what others say, what your own kids say can just melt you.
While getting his pajamas on tonight Ryan just said, "Wait! Mama....you are sooooo beautiful!" then gave me a kiss. Nothing could've been better!

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#21 of 31 Old 06-26-2006, 10:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veganf
Wait until you have more kids (If you do). No matter what others say, what your own kids say can just melt you.
While getting his pajamas on tonight Ryan just said, "Wait! Mama....you are sooooo beautiful!" then gave me a kiss. Nothing could've been better!
That is so sweet.
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#22 of 31 Old 06-27-2006, 09:33 PM
 
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I've been having the same sort of issues with people at work. I'm in the Air Force, so I wear the "maternity tent" uniform nowadays. I don't think it was flattering even when it was in style in what... the 60s? I get everything from "you've only gained in your belly" to "well, you're over your max allowed weight, aren't you?" <--- (it was supposed to be a joke, since pregnant women in the military don't have a max weight -- we just have to be back to an "allowable" weight within 6 months.)

Mostly, I don't care, because I'm getting out of active duty after maternity leave, but the comments can be brutal, even if not intended that way. I'm the only pregnant woman in my command (there are only 4 women anyway), so the men don't know what to do with me half the time, or what to say. Usually it's something like "You look awful!! Are you getting enough sleep?" The answer is, of course, NO because I have to work every day! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...lies/dizzy.gif

My husband tells me I'm beautiful, and I know that should be enough... but like others have said, I was self-conscious BEFORE I got "fat" and now I have my midwife (yes, they let us have midwives in the military now!) telling me that gaining 30lbs at this point is too much and I need to be more careful. I wonder if she says anything to the non-military women she sees.

Sorry this was so long. I wanted to vent, too! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...s/innocent.gif
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#23 of 31 Old 06-27-2006, 11:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ambotchka: That is ridiculous. There is NOTHING wrong with 30 lbs weight gain at this point! Lord, we are almost DONE! That is basically exactly average- if it even matters which it doesn't since we aren't all the same and neither are our babies...I am surprised a midwife said that. Mine always tells me to calm down when I am freaked about weight gain. She says you will gain whatever you need to and if you are eating healthy then not to worry, which sounds right to me!
Hang in there!
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#24 of 31 Old 06-28-2006, 03:54 PM
 
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I've gained 40 and I still have 5 weeks and 2 days till I'm due.
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#25 of 31 Old 06-28-2006, 04:09 PM
 
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Gosh, I'm up 35 at 33 weeks. Which is what I gained total last time with a 9lb5oz. baby! So who knows what's in store. But no worries here. It'll take time, but it'll come off eventually.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#26 of 31 Old 06-28-2006, 04:10 PM
 
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Yup, people are insensitive and thoughtless.

My (least) favorite is when one person gives a sweet compliment, and someone else immediately either shoots it down or somehow renders it moot. For example:

Person 1: "You look amazing! You can't even tell you're pregnant from the back!"
Person 2: (eyeballs me like a prized heifer) "Suzy Q. was even smaller than that, and she had the nicest glow..."

Or the "un-compliment" that folks often offer, which sounds like a compliment but is really a put-down. "Oh, look at you! Your ankles and face have hardly swelled at all!"

Eh, what? I'm not swelling, dangit!!!

: Ladies, we are beautiful! To quote a bumper sticker, Mean People Suck.
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#27 of 31 Old 06-28-2006, 07:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My sister told me about a shirt she wants to get me which says "Goddess with a Bump". I suggest we all get one!
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#28 of 31 Old 06-29-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SummerTwilight
My sister told me about a shirt she wants to get me which says "Goddess with a Bump". I suggest we all get one!
Cute! Any idea where from?
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#29 of 31 Old 06-30-2006, 09:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't remember the name of the site...let me google it...
here it is!
http://www.evalillian.com/Maternity-Tops-87.htm
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#30 of 31 Old 07-03-2006, 04:19 AM
 
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I'm visiting from the November DDC, but I've got a great rude comment my mom said to me when they were visiting a month ago. I showed her my preggo belly and she said, "ARe you sure that's the baby?" : : : OMG! I wanted to punch her! :

I have a very normal preggo belly - it is very obvious when you see my bare belly that I am pregnant. People just don't get fat with a belly like this! lol It really pissed me off that my own mom would say something that rude to me, especially since she knows I worked my butt off to lose 26 pounds last year! I did not have a big belly when I got pregnant and I have not been eating that much because I am still sick with the lovely marathon sickness!

urgh! We are supposed to go fly halfway across the country next week to see my family. I am NOT looking forward to it. It would be so nice if my mom could actually compliment me for once. I look damn good! Most of my friends are asking me how I am losing weight when pregnant!
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