Last Name Issues... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hey all,
I kept my last name when I got married, so me and DH have different last names.
Have any of you given your last name to your kids instead of your DH's last name? We are considering it if we have a boy, because we think the first name sounds better with my last name than with my dh's.
Am I missing something here? Are there any consequences we're just not thinking of? We just don't know anybody that has given the maternal surname to their kids and wanted to see if anyone out there is thinking about it or has done it in the past.
Thanks!
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#2 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 01:41 PM
 
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My good friend's dh took her name when they married. They use his former last name as a 2nd middle name. It's unusual, but I don't think they've run into any problems with it.
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#3 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 01:48 PM
 
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Any baby I birth will have my last name. I took my partner's name, but I am changing my name back, and our children will have my name.

The basis of patrilineal naming squicks me out.

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#4 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 04:21 PM
 
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DP and I are not married, but even if we were I would have retained my last name. If DP felt okay about using just my last name, then I would be all for it. As it is, baby will be Baby Hislastname-Mylastname. Well, we're toying with the idea of combining our two last names into a whole new lastname also. I love the idea, but I don't think it will be something we get around to doing (legally) before the kiddo is born! As long as all involved parties are satisfied, you can't go wrong.
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#5 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 05:26 PM
 
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I didn't argue with my husband about the kids having his last name, even though I refused to change my name. But we chose to give our second son my last name as his first name (but obviously that doesn't work with all last names).

The only thing I really don't understand is people who choose to hyphenate; I mean, when your hyphenated kid and his/her hyphenated partner start having kids, what in the world will that child's last name be?? :

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#6 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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Our children have a hyphenated last name: mine-his.
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#7 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 05:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ColoradoMama
Our children have a hyphenated last name: mine-his.
We know a lot of people who do this, but they don't have a good answer for me...what do people who both have hyphenated names do when they have kids? No offense, I just don't understand how it works when you've got four last names to consider. The only person I knew whose parents both had hyphenated names actually ended up giving the two kids a brand new last name instead!!

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#8 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 05:36 PM
 
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The way I see it - that's the kiddos problem!!! They can cuss me later if they want!
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#9 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 06:06 PM
 
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I actually have my mom's last name, and it has been great. I was born first and given my dad's long-and-ackward last name. When my brother was born, he was given my dad's last name too, but they changed my last name to my mom's short-and-easy last name (she had kept hers when they got married).

I kept my name when I got married (it didn't matter to my DH), but I am actually changing it now that the baby is coming so that we can all have the same last name (my DH also has a short-and-easy last name). I think because we will all look so different from each other as a mixed-race family, it became important to me that we all have the same name. If I was having kids with another pasty white guy (like me), I am sure I would have ended up keeping my name and doing something creative with the kids.
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#10 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 06:22 PM
 
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I kept my name when I married. DH didn't care (but, boy, is his mother still mad about that!). We decided to hyphenate our kids' name: mine-his. We both agree that it's a travesty that after all the work my body has gone through to raise and support this child, dad's family line gets all the credit? I'm sure his mother will have a fit when she finds out we're hyphenating, but that's her problem .
As for what happens when our kids get married later on. . .it's up to them. If they want to give up their hyphenated names for their spouses' names, that's fine. If their spouses want to take on their hyphenated names, that's fine. If they want to drop one name later on and hyphenate with the other, that's fine. Heck, if they want to make up a new name altogether, that's entirely up to them. By the time they are all grown up, who are we to tell them how they should live their lives and who they should live their lives as? They're free to live their lives as they wish.
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#11 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 07:53 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamums
As for what happens when our kids get married later on. . .it's up to them. If they want to give up their hyphenated names for their spouses' names, that's fine. If their spouses want to take on their hyphenated names, that's fine. If they want to drop one name later on and hyphenate with the other, that's fine. Heck, if they want to make up a new name altogether, that's entirely up to them. By the time they are all grown up, who are we to tell them how they should live their lives and who they should live their lives as? They're free to live their lives as they wish.
Yep.
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#12 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 09:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NewAtThis
Hey all,

Have any of you given your last name to your kids instead of your DH's last name?
me!!!!!!
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#13 of 20 Old 07-07-2006, 10:01 PM
 
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I kept my last name, but to make things simple we're giving the baby his last name. (The pets are under his last name too, b/c I kept forgetting which name they were under when we went to see the Vet.) We've thought of coming up with a new last name, but I doubt we'll ever get around to doing that. Last names aren't as important to me as first and middle, so I don't mind giving the baby his name. I'm just glad he doesn't care that I kept mine!
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#14 of 20 Old 07-08-2006, 11:23 PM
 
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My situation is a bit different. DF and I weren't together at the time of DD's birth, so I gave her my last name. Now, we are together, but DD #2 will also get my last name (for continuity for the girls, plus I would never stand for my kids having a different name than me!). I have heard of married couples who don't share a last name who gave their children the mama's last name. I think it's fantastic and more families should go that route! I've never really understood the rationale behind automatically giving the father's last name.
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#15 of 20 Old 07-08-2006, 11:25 PM
 
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Oh, know a family that combined the couple's last names. If you have names that you can do that with, I think it's a great idea!
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#16 of 20 Old 07-08-2006, 11:57 PM
 
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When ds was born dh and i were not married nor did i know we were going to get married so ds had my maiden name. When we married and settled into our home ds then had his name changed to dh's. I however hyphenated MY name to myname-hisname in case i ever "needed" it and also cause theres just 2 girls in our family and that gives my the tie to my new family and my old.

I don't forsee any problem legally with your dc's having your last name as long as your dp is ok with it. if you have boys then they carry on your name not his....

The only thing i would see is when school is started. everyone may think ds is a stepchild if they don't know your last name OR may assume that ds is "fatherless" and still kept your name instead of legally adopting. Not a huge deal tho.
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#17 of 20 Old 07-09-2006, 03:26 AM - Thread Starter
 
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[QUOTE=The only thing i would see is when school is started. everyone may think ds is a stepchild if they don't know your last name OR may assume that ds is "fatherless" and still kept your name instead of legally adopting. Not a huge deal tho.[/QUOTE]

That's a good point. Though I agree that is not a huge deal. Thanks for all the input everybody! It's good to know there are a variety of name choices and decisions about there that are working for people.
So many things to think about!
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#18 of 20 Old 07-09-2006, 12:15 PM
 
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Okay... not trying to hijack, but very similar situation, and I'll take all advice.

Another perspective
My last name is currently (my maiden name) (his last name) --> No hyphen, b/c his last name has an apostrophe (Irish chap)

I originally was going to give the littl'un just (O'Name (His last name)

Then, about 2 weeks ago, my DH says he wants to use a hyphenated last name himself, but he thinks it'll be easier to officially have a hyphen -->
(my maiden name)-(O'Name). This was not done legally at the time of marriage, so he'll start using it unofficially for a while first. He has said this before, but he was just going to use it as his author's name, not in daily life.

Sooooooo....... what should we do for Littl'un??? Is that too many names for a baby under 10 lbs?? How do you feel about 2 names for a last name instead of a hyphen to unite the names....?


Neither one of us is close to his family... and I would love to have my name in there somewhere.

P.S. Not so worried about when she gets married... she can cross that bridge when she falls over it... she can take his (or her) name, they can keep their own names, come up with a new family name, etc. I hate to decide her name for the next 20-30 years based on what may need to happen somewhere down the line...


Thanks in advance!
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#19 of 20 Old 07-09-2006, 12:52 PM
 
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I kept my last name and our dh will also take my name. The worst comment we've recieved is "That's unusual." Also, most people call my dh by last name which doesn't bother him at all.
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#20 of 20 Old 07-10-2006, 04:19 PM
 
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There are many cultures where when 2 people get married they bring 4 last names to the table. there are traditional ways to handle it, as well. It is common in England and throughout Latin America.

One "trend" I have noticed in Madison, WI where there are many families where the mom used her own name (or in 2-mommy fams) was that one kid was hyphenated Name1-Name2 and the other was Name2-Name1.
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