Needing emotional stability at the end - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 12:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Has anyone else felt the real need to have emotional stability at the end? I *really* feel the need to be stable and have stable people around me - no fear or questioning of my birth or what not... and I remember this happening last time too (not so much the first, but I'm not sure I was in tune at all).

It would be the perfect time for a Blessingway or birth beads or something (but my friends think that's weird so it won't be happening for me ), but instead EVERY time my Mom goes and says something stupid. First time she made me give her all the paperwork and research on homebirth being safe (like it was her choice!) and last time it was about me proving something with my homebirth attempt (#2) since we didn't even act at all like it was remotely her choice - because it's just plain old not... and this time she said she doesn't feel comfortable with my oldest being here when I have the baby (he's 4) - but I asked him again tonight and he said he wants to be here. ((And obviously we won't chain him to a chair or make him watch or be there or anything... he can watch movies or play or whatever else he wants to do)). Our youngest does not get the choice as he would freak out b/c he would worry I was being hurt and in general just be very upset.

Anyways - when she said that today I wanted to whack her (nicely)... just because I don't do it HER way doesn't mean it's a BAD way. :argh: Good thing she doesn't know we're doing it almost entirely unassisted or she'd likely have an absolute cow. Ooooooh well... just had to say that.

I wish I could bubble myself up in a supportive birth atmosphere until baby arrives so I didn't have to dance the "this isn't right" dance with other people. Blah!
~Julie

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#2 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 01:36 AM
 
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We're here to help be your bubble of support!

crochetsmilie.gif mama to DD 8/06, DS 9/09
 

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#3 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 01:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by acupuncturemomma
We're here to help be your bubble of support!
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My situation is a bit different, but I come to the MDC boards for support when I need it, which, at the end of this pregnancy, seems to be ALL of the time!
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#4 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 08:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BirthFree
but instead EVERY time my Mom goes and says something stupid.
I tell my mother very little about what's happening with the baby. But she knew we'd been concerned about baby being breech, so when she asked if I'd seen my midwife recently, I told her that we think baby is head down now, although posterior. So instead of being happy that baby is head down, she says, "well, it sounds like maybe you should be ready to go to the hospital.": She's always been one to find the negative in everything, and she doesn't know much about birth, but this kind of comment is why I don't tell her much, and certainly don't want her around during or nearing labor!!
I prefer my MIL's approach: don't call at all. And she was rewarded with our first son being born on her birthday!
I just try to give people as little info as possible about the baby unless I know I'll get the support I want. For instance, there's a doula with 3 girls who goes to the CSA farm at the same time on tuesdays, and I know I can always tell her what's happening, because she's always got something positive to say.

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#5 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 09:24 AM
 
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Yeah, my time with my midwives is treasured now. They can tell me everything is normal and right as rain and I can ignore people telling me I should have a hospital bag packed "just in case". Grrr.
I also find that I want my dh around ALL the time. I get freaked every night when he leaves for work (3rd shifter). I do NOT want to go into labor alone!
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#6 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 10:29 AM
 
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Sounds like a lot of us are having mom issues. My mom has been the same way lately about my homebirth. We thought the baby was breech for a while too, and that really bugged her (and in turn.. bugged me!) but an u/s showed baby is headdown which seemed to calm her down.. for now. Still not sure what/who I want at the birth and I am feeling an urgency to figure this all out.
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#7 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I see her at least every week (my Mom and Dad are 15 minutes away, my in-laws are about 3 minutes away)... and she asks about stuff like that (what I'm going to do with my other ones). But she just has such awful time to say her piece about it - why doesn't she tell me about her opinion like 2 months ago or anything? I swear she waits on purpose or SOMEthing.

And you're right, I find myself here on MDC constantly at the end... one of the only place of really like minded Mommas for me.
~Julie

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#8 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 02:33 PM
 
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I am incredibly lucky that my mom is supportive of my UC. She will be here to watch DD, but they will be downstairs while I labor upstairs in our bedroom. If DD is up to it, she will bring her in for the end, but she's only 2 so it probably won't happen. I offered my mom the opportunity to cut the cord, and she is very excited about it. The ILs recently realized we are having a homebirth, but we are NOT telling them it's a UC. In fact, as far as everyone else is concerned this will be a hb with a m/w. I really don't feel like explaining myself or hearing "you or the baby could have DIED!". Oy. But I understand about surrounding yourself with positive energy. I won't let my ILs in the house until after the baby is born, they bring too much negative/nervous energy with them and this is my sacred space right now.

Mom to DD#1 8/04, nursed 43 months, DD#2 8/06, nursed 21 months and DD#3 9/08, still nursing strong
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#9 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 03:33 PM
 
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My mom is too much for me now too. We're having a hospital birth and going intervention and pain-med free is really important to me. My mom KNEW that with my ds, so why now does she feel it's less important?

She asked me if I wanted her to be in the delivery room and I told her that I just wanted dh in there. That he knows exactly what I want and need. And, that I was afraid if she was in there, she'd see me in pain and would tell me to have the epidural (she's a nurse too.) She said, of course, I wouldn't want you to feel bad about getting one - I would tellyou it's okay And, I told her that's not what I needed. I need dh, who really KNOWS what I want, can read through my cues. Right now, dh just feels like my safety net - the only one who truly gets me and wants what I want in all of this.

My mom just shakes her head :

Steph, wife to C, mama to O :, E , and I :.
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#10 of 17 Old 07-29-2006, 08:52 PM
 
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Oh, I forgot to add too...my mom said that if for any reason I ended up delivering at the hospital (in a non-emergency situation), she would plant herself outside the door to my room and not allow anyone in there except the CNM and DH, b/c she knows how important it is to me to have an intervention-free labor and as few people as possible. I guess I'm super lucky to have such a supportive mom. I'm sorry most of you seem to be butting heads with your own moms/MILs.

Mom to DD#1 8/04, nursed 43 months, DD#2 8/06, nursed 21 months and DD#3 9/08, still nursing strong
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#11 of 17 Old 07-30-2006, 02:25 AM
 
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Breakfast this morning
Me: I am just trying to stay calm and even and be ready for the birth. I don't want to let other people's ideas into my head, I want this to be my experience.

Mom: Okay, but it is 2006 and it doesn't have to hurt. You can take the drugs whenever you want to.

ug.:
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#12 of 17 Old 07-30-2006, 04:48 PM
 
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Reading these posts makes me realize how great of a mother I have. Now it's not that she doesn't drive me crazy sometimes but she's been COMPLETELY supportive of whateve granola scheme my husband and I have cooked up, even though she's totally conventional. She even read Husband Coachec Childbirth when DH sent it to her.

This morning I had an email from her asking *permission* if she could call or email me every day to check in since I'm due next Saturday. I love my mother. And my MIL is amazing too. God has really blessed me.
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#13 of 17 Old 07-30-2006, 05:19 PM
 
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I'm not having mother issues... just issues with myself. I've suddenly gotten depressed and feel as if this pregnancy will never end. Three days ago, I was excited and looking forward to labor. Now, I just don't care about it b/c it seems like it won't really come anyway. Today all I've done is sleep. It seems like if I sleep, the time will go by faster. Yesterday, I was full of crazy energy and cleaned the whole house. Then at night, I started feeling down. I don't fit into any of my shorts/pants except the gauchos now, and I feel like a hippo -- but I can't birth like a hippo because I have to be in the hospital. Is this lack of caring about things normal? DH keeps asking if I'm ok, and I say yes b/c I don't want to worry him. I'm sure I'll be fine, but right now... I don't want to do anything at all. Not even read. And our doula is coming over tonight for dinner, so I have to do stuff.
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#14 of 17 Old 07-30-2006, 07:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ambotchka
I'm not having mother issues... just issues with myself. I've suddenly gotten depressed and feel as if this pregnancy will never end. Three days ago, I was excited and looking forward to labor. Now, I just don't care about it b/c it seems like it won't really come anyway. Today all I've done is sleep. It seems like if I sleep, the time will go by faster. Yesterday, I was full of crazy energy and cleaned the whole house. Then at night, I started feeling down. I don't fit into any of my shorts/pants except the gauchos now, and I feel like a hippo -- but I can't birth like a hippo because I have to be in the hospital. Is this lack of caring about things normal? DH keeps asking if I'm ok, and I say yes b/c I don't want to worry him. I'm sure I'll be fine, but right now... I don't want to do anything at all. Not even read. And our doula is coming over tonight for dinner, so I have to do stuff.
Amber, I think it's totally normal to feel like the day will never arrive. I'm absolutely feeling that way too and I not even close to being past due! And, I have very few clothes that fit - which makes my self-esteem plummet big time - I just don't feel pretty when I'm constantly pulling pants up and shirt down to cover this monstrous belly. I keep thinking surely my skin will pop open any moment!

And, don't feel bad about taking care of yourself. I took 2 naps today and feel so much better! Pretty soon, it will be difficult for us to do that. Hope you feel better soon - I bet your doula will make you feel better too!

Steph, wife to C, mama to O :, E , and I :.
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#15 of 17 Old 07-30-2006, 07:37 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ambotchka
I've suddenly gotten depressed and feel as if this pregnancy will never end. Three days ago, I was excited and looking forward to labor. Now, I just don't care about it b/c it seems like it won't really come anyway.
I've been going back and forth from excited to depressed to sleepy (though I never get a nap with two boys to deal with), etc. Some days I just think "I DO NOT want to go into labor today", and other days I think "BRING IT ON!!! I'M READY!"

And yesterday I started getting really hungry again. Maybe my body's trying to store up some extra energy for the big event, I don't know.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#16 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 10:41 AM
 
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Yup, I find that I want to talk to people, but at some point in the conversation, I just want to walk away with no strings. Nearly every person (except DH) asks some stupid, inane or insulting question. (ie. Why aren't you delivering at *#1 baby hospital with 33% c rate?* What are you going to name her? What kind of bottles are you going to use? Wouldn't you rather schedule an induction so you won't have to deal with the heat?)

And although my mom is being very supportive, by the end of every conversation, she's either wimped out of a commitment claiming to be tired or has offered to move in/take a month off to move in/hold my hand at the birth. I don't want any of these options to occur, but it's getting hard to dodge them.

Thank goodness for my husband! He is my voice of reason and giggling buddy as we face the idiocies of the world, my emotional stability.
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#17 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 12:05 PM
 
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So far everybody around here is supportive (my friends/parents). For some reason, I still haven't told my in-laws that we are probably being induced this week. I don't even want them to know when I go into labor if I do end up going on my own. Dh didn't call them either so I guess I'm off the hook. I feel bad about not telling them, but I just don't want the energy from them around me. My dh is so easy going that it bugs me. He is very good at his job of being me and baby's protector for that I'm glad. But with everything he's always telling me not to worry everything will be ok. That's great but how will it be ok? What exactly will he do to make it ok? Can you tell I'm a bit of a control freak? lol
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