Can I just rant for a sec???? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 10:32 AM - Thread Starter
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My in-laws are here "to help out" with the new baby.... and yet they are sitting drinking coffee reading the SUnday paper while I was down on my hands and knees washing the kitchen floor and then vaccuuming the entire house:

They also keep taking the baby from me and not giving her back when she starts to fuss because "oh baby! it's only been 45 minutes -- you need to wait at least another hour before eating again!!" at which point I spaz out and send my hubby to confiscate the infant and bring her to me.

AND FURTHERMORE they are giving my not-quite-3-yo a hard time about pooping in a diaper (she wears underwear all day and asks for a dipe to poop -- something I am not thrilled about but I have been sort of waiting until after baby before I give it too much thought) the point of embarrassing her and to the point that I can't hold my tongue for another minute -- the next comment will be met with the CLAWS OF DEATH from this mama cat.: : : : : : :

They are leaving in 3 hours and I am couting down the minutes. This has been a very long weekend.
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#2 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 10:35 AM
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Wow, that's awful. You can do it, less than 3 hours now!! Do they live far away so visits are infrequent at least?
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#3 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 10:37 AM
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awww, how annoying! with helpers like those...who needs 'em??

glad you were able to get out a nice rant, and that they're leaving soon (2 hours, 56 mintues...and counting!)

think of the nice family time you will have when they're gone, phew!
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#4 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 10:45 AM
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Oh Mama! I feel your pain! My mil came to "help" when dd was born. It was such a traumatic time for me (my own mother had to have a lumpectomy for breast cancer 2 days after she was born so she couldn't be there with me). My mil shopped the entire time she was here, actually made the comment to dh "Did you think I came here to cook and clean for you?" When I heard that I turned into such a hormonal ranting lunatic screaming at him "What the F*%# is she here for then?" She would make comments like, "She is eating AGAIN?" and "It's ok to let her cry some." I couldn't wait for her to leave. This time around, they aren't coming down until the baby is a month or two old.

You will get through this - napping with the baby is a great way to get away!
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#5 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 10:45 AM
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I am SOOOO glad to hear someone else complaining about lack of help from relatives. My mother and MIL keep coming over to "help", and sit around watching tv, eating, or doing yard work outside. They'll hold the baby only when he's sleeping.
No matter how many times I've told my husband I want no visitors past 6pm, they always hang around and screw with our bedtime routine. The only "help" I've gotten with meals is my MIL trying to unload the DIRTY dishes from the dishwasher, and last night clearing the table (putting dishes in the sink, with food still in them, meaning MY dinner that I hadn't been able to finish because I was the only one taking care of the baby).
When asked to come over to help watch the boys, they either sit watching tv with them, or try to "help" my husband with his work. Except for swinging them in the swing, it's as if they've suddenly forgotten how to play with their grandchildren! Meanwhile, I'm running around like a crazy person carrying laundry, doing dishes, changing diapers, cooking etc. A friend brought over some chili to help us out, and they ended up eating 1/3 of it.

And ditto with the diaper comments, though not as bad. On my husband's birthday my MIL, SIL, her husband, and their 4 younger boys were here. They kept commenting on A.J. having his hand in his diaper, asking him if he needed to use the potty. Well, he DOESN'T have any interest yet, and they kept comparing him to his potty-trained cousin who is 5.5 months older than him, who BTW had an accident outside and my SIL said "Shame on you! You know better than that!" He's not even 3 yet!! Sure, A.J. looks way bigger than him, even though he's younger, but give me a break!

And then my mother interrogating me about how long Nate is sleeping, how often is he feeding, etc. I don't know and I don't care! I was bottle-fed anyhow, so there's no comparison. Yes, he's sleeping with me. No, I'm not going to smush him the way my SIL killed her pet possum by sleeping with it when she was a kid!!


Ah, postpartum hormones. Why don't people know better!?!

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#6 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 11:13 AM
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Oh KarmaC
I am right there with MIL came to 'help out' on thursday,well friday morning after a fussy night with Oliver she let DD come in a wake us when we finally got to sleep,then in an exasperated voice says"I guess it's time for me to get up"!!!!WTF you are here to help woman!!oh course then I feel guilty and get up which she doesn't protest at all.then friday evening i have to go to my coop meeting,my SIL is there to help too so I leave them to bathe and put the kids to bed and I take Ollie with me.I get home at 10 to her complaing that Issi is still up and how "bad" she has been,this of course makes my blood boil as we don't label people bad here,not to mention that I again feel guilty that she has been running up and down all night trying to get DD to sleep.then she goes on to complain that DS took forever to go to sleep too.I go into his room and his lamp is still on!@!!!!!!!!! of course he wouldn't go to sleep,how bloody hard is it to turn off a lamp

oh here comes DH,I finish complaining about his mother later

Natasha,Mum to many.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." ~ Sir Winston Churchill
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#7 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 11:27 AM - Thread Starter
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Ooooooh YAY! I touched a nerve, I see

Thanks GODDESS my in-laws live 500 miles away and only come here twice a year, we go there too and it sucks just as bad -- you ladies will hear all about itp lay by play during those visits b/c the computer room at their house is my only respite.

ONe other thing: When they first got her on Fri, the giurls were showing them around the house and I was here at my desk but my MIL didn't know i was near -- the kids showed her my room and i hear her say to the kids:
"Does Patience sleep with your mommy and daddy?"...of course the kids were like "yup" and my MIL has the balls to say "Hmmmm. That's interesting" with this snarky little tone. The baby is, um, 5 days old at this point. She is SUPER hung-up on the co-=lseeping -- alwyas has been -- she's coming gotta go
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#8 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 11:53 AM
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Oh man - I can so totally relate to the MIL thing. And that is why she is forbidden from coming to visit until the baby is at least three months old. NO EXCEPTIONS!!!!
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#9 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 12:36 PM
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Oh my GOD you guys! I am sorry for you!
My MIL, who would have plenty to say and I am sure won't hold back will at least have the good manners to quit when I respond to her...example, she will probably say, babies don't have to eat so much, to which I would reply crying is the last sign of hunger actually. You can't overfeed a newborn who is BF. To which she would say, Ok and shut up.
Of course, she lives close enough that a million of these comments might still set me over the edge if I am hormonal...I will have to remember how much WORSE you guys have it!
And don't worry, only ONE hour to go!!!!!
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#10 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 12:53 PM
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OMG you guys- that sucks!!! So sorry you have to deal w/ sucky family during this newborn period (any time really...)
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#11 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 01:26 PM
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Oh I am totally in the this club. Before the babies were born so many people said they'd come by and walk the dogs or take Christopher and/or Elizabeth out to the park or a walk etc. Well guess how many people have come 0, thats right not one person. Oh they'll watch C&E if, IF I can drop them off and pick them up. I;m not even going to get into how much work it is to get all 4 kids into the van. It takes so long, with dh and I both, that its not even funny.
MIL said she'd make us food and help with cleaning and yep, not happening. Ok in fairness she did bring us pasta and a chicken dinner while we were still going up to the hospital and she did clean the kitchen a vaccumm when she'd watch C&E so dh and I could go up to the hospital. But since then :

My mum who's usually a total flake who rarely thinks of anyone beyond herself actually got us food a few times now That was a nice surprise

Thanks for the vent

mum to Christopher (6/98) Elizabeth (2/05) twins Aaron and Dominic (7/10/06) and new baby Eden (4-18-09)
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#12 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 06:12 PM
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ditto to the rants.

my dad and his wife came for 3 days.

they did things like show up at our house with sandwiches for them AND NOT FOR ME AND DH.


they left 5 hours ago.

it's sad that they are so pathetic.
it's infuriating that they are so pathetic.

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#13 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 06:44 PM - Thread Starter
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well here's another little tidbit just for poops and giggles...

Hubby and his dad went out Fri night to get food for a little Baby Blessing we had Saturday -- and they came back with a bouquet of flowers for me.

MIL had a little hissy fit about "Where's MY flowers? Thanks a lot guys"

I nearly f***ing punched her.
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#14 of 15 Old 08-13-2006, 06:50 PM
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What is it with MILs?!?! Not that she is exactly a MIL, but I won't let my DD's father's mother anywhere NEAR me after this baby is born. She came after DD #1 was born and man, I've never had more useless "help" in my life. Ugh! She has "helped" out since then, as well, most recently with the baby party. She sat on her butt while 37 weeks pregnant me did EVERYTHING. I was ready to scream.

Thank goodness DF and I are seperating, I don't have to deal with her anymore! LOL Always look on the bright side!

Karma, you're SO not alone in this. Hopefully you can get through the rest of her visit with everyone in one piece!!!!!1
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#15 of 15 Old 08-14-2006, 10:30 AM
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You know, I had been pretty peeved that my MIL had not phoned, emailed, written, sent a card, etc. (well, except to RSVP a resounding NO to my shower...) since i've been pregnant, but now I think i'll take her cruel and pointed indifference to the "help" you guys are getting. Sure, it's hurtful... but it's better than having to see her in person.

How did such horrible people raise such wonderful sons and husbands?

I don't get it. Hope everyone's in-law problems are soon over!!
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