Sick of negative homebirth stuff - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-19-2006, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really hate as you get closer to your due date how everything gets all heightened with anxiety. The other day, a girl from playgroup asked where I was delivering and I told her at home and the first thing out of her mouth was "Are you scared?" : No, but I'd be scared out of my mind if I was going to the hospital because I don't know what to expect there. Then last night even DH was telling me he's nervous...that he'd be nervous no matter what but moreso because it's at home. When I showed my mom the instructions for what to do in case the baby arrives before the midwife, she said "I'll be calling 911, that's what I'll be doing!"

I just hate that apparently I'm the only one around here who trusts my body and my ability to give birth. Even though DH and my mom both saw me do it completely naturally, completely safely once before at the birth center. I don't want a bunch of negative energy in this house when I'm giving birth. I had a whole crisis deciding what to do with my GBS+ result and I can't help but wonder if it's because I'm being clouded by all this muck around. I'm starting to get interested in unATTENDED childbirth...I want the m/w here but no one else, LOL.

sorry, just had to vent!

mama to 3 girls: Abigail 2.12.05, Eliana 8.26.06, Willa 1.9.09
RN-BSN 5/11, CBE, former doula
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Old 08-19-2006, 02:04 PM
 
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Sorry you're having to deal with that right now. Will your mom be at this birth? I think it's important that you let her and your DH know that their negative energy is affecting you--that's not something you need while in labor! Good luck.

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Old 08-19-2006, 02:11 PM
 
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I definately went through the same thing. Sorry you have to deal with it.

I did let everyone that asked if I was 'scared' of a home birth know point by point why I was actually 'scared' of a hospital birth. Henci Goer's book "The Thinking Womans Guide to a Better Birth" was very helpful.

Also - you may want to let your mom know that if the baby comes so quickly that she feels inclined to call 911 - it wouldn't matter if it were a planned home or hospital birth - she should still know what to do. You could have the baby before medics are able to get there.

Good Luck and put those stinkers out of your head!
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Old 08-20-2006, 09:28 PM
 
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Hang in there! I think most people are scared of anything beyond the norm...ie. the hospital birth scene...but it sucks that they are transferring their fears to you. I was right there with you on the being more scared to have my baby at the hospital than at home. I had her at home before the mw got there, and it was all fine anyway!
Good luck to you!
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Old 08-20-2006, 10:09 PM
 
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I thought I had gotten away pretty much unscathed by the negative folks until we went to my SIL's wedding yesterday...lots of nay-sayers there...

Luckily, I won't have to see them again before the birth!

Hope your DH comes around, it's important that he support you in this...moms are another story, can we ever get them to change their minds??
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Old 08-21-2006, 12:06 AM
 
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I just got this link off the homebirth board...it's quite funny
"Snakes on a homebirth"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-4LLkeKXWE

But actually, the homebirth board has a lot of good info on it...particularly this thread on "How often do true emergencies occur"
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=504668

Maybe you could share that with DH (after the silly video of course...)
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Old 08-21-2006, 02:12 AM
 
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There's more chance that everything will go right, than there is of something going wrong.
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Old 08-21-2006, 04:29 PM
 
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Yup, and i'm sick of negative comments in general! And since I haven't actually had my child yet, I don't feel that I can contradict anyone, because I haven't "been there". Speaking with 3 intelligent moms (DH's friends' wives, not strangers) at a small wedding this weekend, I heard such gems as:

You're trying natural childbirth? Wow, you're so BRAVE!!
Don't even try breastfeeding-- it hurts! Just start with formula and save yourself the pain.
Oh, go ahead and get induced. The waiting is horrible!
An exersaucer in every room is the best investment you'll ever make!
I don't care what the AAP says-- these doorway bouncers are totally safe!
Oh, it's fine to leave them in the crib while you go for a walk around the neighborhood. Where are they gonna go? (her baby is 1 month old... : )

I was soooo glad to get home, and not just because my ankles were the size of tree trunks after standing in heels for 4 hours outside. I need earplugs and blinders.
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Old 08-21-2006, 04:37 PM
 
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lurking from Sept...

Quote:
An exersaucer in every room is the best investment you'll ever make!
My sister said this to me (well, she had one upstairs and downstairs, but still)...my younger sister who's DD is 3 years younger than my youngest DD...

I never needed one on each level of my house for either one of my DDs... I'm sure she got that one from her 'mainstream' friends.

Heather
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Old 08-21-2006, 08:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I posted about this elsewhere, but I've been getting the same negative vibes about having 2 close together...about how hard it's going to be, how jealous DD is going to be, "you don't know what you're in for"....turns out the crunchy mamas I talk to have a different perspective...I know it's going to be lots of work, but it's going to be great too!

it's hard to defend natural childbirth before you've gone through it...I know I was always worried that something would happen and I'd end up needing drugs for whatever reason and everyone would be like "I told you so".

mama to 3 girls: Abigail 2.12.05, Eliana 8.26.06, Willa 1.9.09
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Old 08-21-2006, 09:16 PM
 
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Oh yes, I got the same stuff from my SIL especially. All the standard horror stories and then some.
After my first homebirth, she had less to say. And after the second one (she arrived just after baby had been born and saw how "good" I looked) she stopped her negative comments.
I didn't hear a word from her regarding homebirth #3!

But there's always someone ready with their "...if I hadn't been in the hospital my baby would have died" story. And sadly, after listening to most of those stories, it's likely the big emergency was caused by the hospital interventions in the first place.

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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Old 08-22-2006, 02:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veganf
Oh yes, I got the same stuff from my SIL especially. All the standard horror stories and then some.
After my first homebirth, she had less to say. And after the second one (she arrived just after baby had been born and saw how "good" I looked) she stopped her negative comments.
I didn't hear a word from her regarding homebirth #3!

But there's always someone ready with their "...if I hadn't been in the hospital my baby would have died" story. And sadly, after listening to most of those stories, it's likely the big emergency was caused by the hospital interventions in the first place.
well said!!! I really hate how negative people are to pregnant women in general. I'm really sorry that most of my friends/relatives have had horrible birth stories, but maybe they should have looked into their options a little more instead of trusting everything some doc told them. Whats worse is most of the issues could have been avoided completely (but I'm not going to be the one to tell them that!) I try not to mention the homebirth thing unless someone asks specifically because it's ALWAYS a negative comment. My neighbor is a nurse and once she caught wind of the fact that we're birthing at home, she started getting into my business BIG time. I refuse to leave the house when she's home because I don't want to listen to her mouth and have her ask me all of these STUPID questions face to face. I'll allow my husband to deal with her thank you very much!!! We were on our way out tonight to see a movie and she came running out the front door and yelled "you're not going to the hospital are you?!?!?" For some reason this REALLY ticked me off. I managed to not complain to DH all night though! I know he gets sick of me venting to him....so here I am! Thanks for letting me vent and it's good to know that other people are going through the same things. I just really wish homebirth was the NORM and I didn't have to feel the need to justify my decisions. I usually just change the subject or WALK AWAY! I've gotten to the point where I don't answer my phone, return relative phone calls, or talk to people in public. I really don't have the ability to deal with negativity right now! Is that bad?! I plan on doing this my way and hope that once baby is here and people see how well we did, they will shut their mouths with future pregnant women that choose the same path, or my future pregnancies!

Lee Ann ~ SAHM to Carolina(4)uc.jpg, Aurora (2)uc.jpg, and belly.gifwith #3 - due in December!
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Old 08-22-2006, 02:11 AM
 
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Now is a good time to practice shutting out negativity. I can relate though. I didn't decide on my homebirth until I was 34 weeks pregnant with my DD. I always wanted one, just didn't know if I could have one. Well between 34 weeks and 39 weeks I was able to convince my nervous DH, find a mw, get the house/supplies ready, and prepare myself mentally. It all worked out beautifully though. Labor was short, easy, peaceful and DD was born effortlessly underwater in complete silence. There were no complications whatsoever even though she was a face presentation with her left hand/arm against her face (good thing no one told me til after the birth). I didn't tear or even feel like I just delivered a baby. This was very different than my DS's birth. What I found most helpful in shutting out negativity was 1) NOT telling people (family included) I was planning a homebirth until after the fact and 2) hypnobirthing. I highly recommend hypnobirthing if you don't know about it yet.

Best of luck and I hope you have a beautiful birth!
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