Did you plan to return to work but now just CANNOT do it? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 11-29-2006, 12:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I had planned to return to work after the baby but I just can't leave him! But we're looking at a serious lifestyle change if I don't go back. Has anyone else dealt with this and if so how did you make changes to your budget in order to make it happen? We eat as much organic food as possible, go to a homeopathic doctor who we pay for out of pocket, etc. We live a healthy lifestyle that takes money. I need to cut out alot of our expenses in order to be able to stay home and still do some of the things that I think are so important. Any ideas?
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#2 of 19 Old 11-29-2006, 04:59 PM
 
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I did go back to work at my small library for a couple months (the original plan was to come back and bring the baby to work with me), but I'm leaving next week because we're moving to a new state.

I am actually glad it worked out this way. It is hard having the baby at work with me, even though I have a really low key job. I sling DS most of the time at work (like now but I can't really do any physical labor. Plus, I feel like I can't give my full concentration to DS or to my patrons, so everybody loses

So to (sortof) answer your question...I was planning to go back to work, but am glad that circumstances have changed and I will not be going back. I will be doing some work from home, but DH and I have also talked about simplifying our lives so we can spend more time at home with DS. I'm not sure how we'll cut back, but we're trying!

Good luck with your decision!
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#3 of 19 Old 11-30-2006, 04:02 AM
 
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I had planned to myself though I think I will be giving my notice quite soon. I've been using all of the disability, paid family leave and vacation that I can. I could take another 6 weeks of unpaid family leave to make 100% sure of this decision though I can't really see myself finding a nanny or putting Lucas in daycare.

We've been blessed financially so we can 'afford ' to stay home though I'm wanting to make a budget of some sort so I feel a little more in control of our spending. We're getting crunchier by the day so it's getting expensive on one hand, though cheaper on the other since I'm buying less.
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#4 of 19 Old 11-30-2006, 09:54 AM
 
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I am in this quandry because at this point Aria goes to work with me one day and I only work 3 hours the other day and my gram and mom watch her together since my gram lives 1/2 mile from the school. But it is an hour from me and that is a lot of time in the car and after an hour without me she is crying unless they take her outside, which it is getting too cold to do for 2 hours straight or more.

I don't want to not work, it is important to me but I REALLY don't want to leave Ri- and I can't STAND the thought of going back full time in the spring! No way!
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#5 of 19 Old 11-30-2006, 02:40 PM
 
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I really suggest you check out the SAHMing board here. So many of the mamas there have been in the same boat and can answer alot of questions about how they make it work.

With my first DD I planned to go back full time (little did I know!) but I went back part time (and DP watched her while I worked) and then worked another job nannnying part time where I could bring her with me. Gradually I started decreasing my work hours and was 100% SAHM since three months before DD#2 was born.

I don't know how mamas do it, personally. It's soooo hard to return to work after the birth of a baby! I think even if you really love your job and it pays well, it's still hard to be seperated so long.

We also had a more "expensive" lifestyle before I was 100% SAHM. The truth is we just had to give some things up. For example, we don't eat as much organic as we used to or at least really cut down on the most expensive stuff. You just have to figure out where you're willing to make those sacrifices, KWIM?
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#6 of 19 Old 12-01-2006, 10:55 AM
 
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I had planned to go back half time, but there were so many stipulations on going half time that I finally figured out that they weren't very supportive of that (I had to find the "other half" of my job; one of us would have full time benefits and one of us none, if the other person quit, then I'd be responsible for working full time until a replacement was hired; all this in a job where the hiring/orientation of a new person routinely takes 10-12 months)

I was working only a 40 hour week, which is good in my field, but 24 of those hours were stuck in the hospital, and I decided that I didn't want to be away from my ds that long.

Heart wrenching decision, overall. I thought I was totally ready to quit, but I miss being a midwife, miss my patients. I don't think I could leave my baby, though, and after many weeks, I decided that the not leaving my baby was a bigger pull than midwifery.

I'll probably go back at some point, but probably only to nursing. I like the idea of 12 hour shifts, maybe one a week or so. I'd get to be with laboring women, but not have to leave my family as much.

For us...the money has been an issue, but I think we'll be okay. More so, though, is the lifestyle. Dh travels, and I was on call 1-2 times a week. We often had times where we didn't see each other for 3-5 days at a time. Now, he travels less (he feels that pull towards his newborn baby, too), I'm not on call, and we're seeing each other ALOT more. It's all good, though.
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#7 of 19 Old 12-01-2006, 07:53 PM
 
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Maybe this doesn't belong in this thread, but I just wanted to raise the other point of view... DH & I have discovered that he's actually a little bit more of a nurturing, hands-on, 24/7 kind of parent than I am.

Ideally, we would both work part-time. Unfortunately he makes way more $ than I do, so I'm the default child carer. Maybe in a few years when I finish nursing school...
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#8 of 19 Old 12-02-2006, 03:13 AM
 
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I went back part time after my dd was born. It was the ideal situation for awhile, but after 1.5 yrs it started to go bad so I got out. It was a big change going from financially set to being super tight and getting WIC, etc. But to me it is totally worth it to be with my kids and raise them the way I want to.
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#9 of 19 Old 12-02-2006, 02:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JenMidwife View Post
... DH & I have discovered that he's actually a little bit more of a nurturing, hands-on, 24/7 kind of parent than I am.

Ideally, we would both work part-time. Unfortunately he makes way more $ than I do, so I'm the default child carer. Maybe in a few years when I finish nursing school...
We're in a similar boat here...I'm much more of a go-getter work-wise, but DH has a much higher earning potential (computer programmer v. librarian).

We're trying to see if we can start working on some stuff together at home, hopefully starting to do some web design work together, so I can go-get the business and we can make sites together (he can do the more sophisticated technical stuff, and I do the basic design dealio).

But if I wasn't the 24/7 food supply, I think DH would take care of baby a lot more than he does already.
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#10 of 19 Old 12-04-2006, 08:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by coop_mom View Post
We're in a similar boat here...I'm much more of a go-getter work-wise, but DH has a much higher earning potential (computer programmer v. librarian).

We're trying to see if we can start working on some stuff together at home, hopefully starting to do some web design work together, so I can go-get the business and we can make sites together (he can do the more sophisticated technical stuff, and I do the basic design dealio).

But if I wasn't the 24/7 food supply, I think DH would take care of baby a lot more than he does already.
I could have written this too (almost) though I make more than DH with salary and stock options and neither of us are very driven about working for someone else anymore. We'd both like to start our own business just thinking of what that could be (not interested in MLMs or taking over something that is already existing) so that we can both stay home and be more involved in our children's lives.

I am thinking of taking the Non Paid Family Leave after my vacation runs out and then perhaps asking for personal leave. While I won't be earning any vacation or vesting, I won't be completely closing the door to a fantastic job/company. Sadly our VP has never been a fan of telecommuting or working from home - we're a very team oriented team - though I would be 10xs more productive at home without all of the 'team' interruptions or distractions of cube sharing. That said, not sure how I would work at home with my little one and be on client calls and meetings too.
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#11 of 19 Old 12-05-2006, 11:52 PM
 
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Hee, hee - I saw the title of your post and had to respond. My mom did this when I was six weeks old. She said that she got up that morning, got all dressed up, had breakfast, and then sat in the living room holding me and crying. She called her boss crying and said she just couldn't do it! Now granted, at that point I had already been in the hospital 2 or 3 times and had almost died, so she was pretty darn emotional.
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#12 of 19 Old 01-30-2007, 09:29 PM
 
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I thought I would update to say that today I wrote my letter, rather email, of resignation.

I ended up taking all of my non-paid family leave and my associate manager found a position in another team that sounded amazing on paper; PT, work from home, flexible hours, 40% vesting. That said, it would have required some big sacrifices and I wasn't confident that I would have the energy to be the parent and wife I want and should be.

I've really been examining my values and what's really important to me. So instead of thinking about what I'm walking away from, so far today I've played a bunch with Lucas, ate breakfast not at my desk, watched him finally roll over, pee all over the place during nakey butt time, got drooled on, bugged DH while he was sleeping in, dressed DS in an outfit I bought months ago that I just love (an indigo romper from Old Navy with a hedgehog on the front), used my work laptop for fun, changed a bunch of diapers, had my face explored a'la Helen Keller, breastfed a few times, had my fingers chomped on and my hair pulled, listened to precious coos and sad little tired cries, took a nap cuddled next to my son, sung silly songs, held DS upside down, blew on his tummy, gave him lots of kisses and cuddles and tickles. Later on we might go for a walk, read a few books, play airplane with daddy, who knows?

Tomorrow, repeat (with a different outfit or two).
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#13 of 19 Old 01-30-2007, 10:15 PM
 
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Good for you! I love your description of your day, and your positive outlook! Being a SAHM definitely requires taking pride in all the minutiae of mommyhood, and it can be hard to describe to others the importance of all those little things you do all day.
Congrats!
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#14 of 19 Old 01-30-2007, 11:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Bay Area Babe View Post

I ended up taking all of my non-paid family leave and my associate manager found a position in another team that sounded amazing on paper; PT, work from home, flexible hours, 40% vesting. That said, it would have required some big sacrifices and I wasn't confident that I would have the energy to be the parent and wife I want and should be.

I've really been examining my values and what's really important to me. So instead of thinking about what I'm walking away from, so far today I've played a bunch with Lucas, ate breakfast not at my desk, watched him finally roll over, pee all over the place during nakey butt time, got drooled on, bugged DH while he was sleeping in, dressed DS in an outfit I bought months ago that I just love (an indigo romper from Old Navy with a hedgehog on the front), used my work laptop for fun, changed a bunch of diapers, had my face explored a'la Helen Keller, breastfed a few times, had my fingers chomped on and my hair pulled, listened to precious coos and sad little tired cries, took a nap cuddled next to my son, sung silly songs, held DS upside down, blew on his tummy, gave him lots of kisses and cuddles and tickles. Later on we might go for a walk, read a few books, play airplane with daddy, who knows?

Tomorrow, repeat (with a different outfit or two).
Oh your update totally made me cry! Good for you for doing what you know if right for your family, regardless of money and career and those other things that meant more to us before our babes were born!
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#15 of 19 Old 02-01-2007, 05:35 AM
 
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So last night I wrote all of my goodbye emails - so hard after 5 years.

What I'm sad about the most right now is a) I'm missing the company ski trip next week (and my DH also works for the same company so he's going without me) and b) losing my fabulous email address. It was literally my first name which was kind of fun.

DH just wrote me the sweetest email and he's been especially attentive tonight. Right now he's back in our bedroom trying to get Lucas to go back to sleep (for the 5th time tonight).

NewAtThis - Thanks. Tonight I've been feeling a little melancholy about it since it's final as of today. And they just shut off my email access.

blairinargentina - So true. I never thought I would be a SAHM. It's a blessing that we financially can. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when I'm home all day and I also really miss DH. We used to carpool and I miss that time we had every day to chat. Now when he gets home I usually pass off DS so I can make dinner.
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#16 of 19 Old 02-01-2007, 03:06 PM
 
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Bay Area, yes I'm sure it is quite an adjustment.
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#17 of 19 Old 02-01-2007, 06:55 PM
 
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She called her boss crying and said she just couldn't do it! Now granted, at that point I had already been in the hospital 2 or 3 times and had almost died, so she was pretty darn emotional.
Don't think you're going to get away without sharing THAT story!!! :

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#18 of 19 Old 02-01-2007, 07:40 PM
 
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Good for you!! Many people don't understand the whole sahm thing and even though we are pretty poor right now, I wouldn't give it up. There is nothing like being there for all the 1st times and last times and the accomplishment of watching a little person grow and learn. Time flies way too fast, I never believed it until I look at my now 5yo and realize what a split second she's grown up in. No job could ever give me what I've learned being home with her and now Ian too. I know it may sound cliche' but for me it's true.
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#19 of 19 Old 02-01-2007, 07:47 PM
 
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blairinargentina - So true. I never thought I would be a SAHM. It's a blessing that we financially can. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when I'm home all day and I also really miss DH. We used to carpool and I miss that time we had every day to chat. Now when he gets home I usually pass off DS so I can make dinner.
It's definately an adjustment but it gets easier with time... you get into a rhythm, you get creative with your day, and you see those little things about your babe that you might otherwise miss while at work.

i know i struggle with not working/not being intellectually stimulated at times. and also missing dh. but we have to remember that they'll only be this small, and dependent, for so long. so we might as well enjoy it while it lasts! besides, we have the rest of our lives to work!
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