ok, my body isn't failing me my doctors are, and birth experience.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 07:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think this is the right place to post this but I don't really know where to post this. I am having serious post partum issues currently I cry all the time, I am fine with the baby it is all related to my body and not knowing why it keeps failing me. For one I was unable to birth my baby naturally this depresses the shit out of me, I am rather small and he is a big boy but I thought nobody carried a baby their body could not handle? And I blame myself for getting the epidural that worked so well I couldn't feel myself push and I was unable to reposition myself, but it took 20 some hours to reach 4 which is where I could get the epidural and that was an intense 20 hours, so I caved, and within an hour I was at 9. For some reason I think I was not allowing myself to dilate. Fear maybe? But after 2 and a half hours and then an hour break another hour into pushing I caved in and let them give me pitocin hoping to help push him out. I knew it would make it hurt worse but the nurse said the epidural was working nicely and I wouldn't feel anything. Lies. I started getting the worse contractions centered on my hip and beneath my ribs it felt like my rib was going to crack open, so I agreed to a c-section. 5 hours of pushing a novel effort. Oh and when the doctor finally showed up during my second round of pushing he broke my water and very little came out. And at one point they could see evans little head but he was caught up under my pelvis somehow....

During the c-section my right arm shaked violently when I brought it up my left arm started, then I heard everyone sort of sounding panicked and they whisked my boyfriend out with baby (I thought they just had to run things on baby and I had told them he was to be with baby whenever I could not) but he said they forced him to go quickly because I had turned purple. My blood pressure I can't remember if it dropped or rose but my heart rate was over 170 at one point. It's usually around upper 80's lower 90's for me. They told me they were giving me anti biotics and demerol and then everything went black. I woke up 3 hours later and they transferred me to recovery. They didn't know any of my babys stats and called up and told me he was 21 inches and 8 pounds 15 ounces.. Then they brought me up to my room and it took half an hour for them to bring evan and james to me.....

Night 2 my doctor told me they would be removing my catheter as soon as they could.. day 3 mid day a nurse told me they hadn't removed the catheter yet because I "wasn't outputting as much as inputting" a nurse then noticed that there was a kink in the hose!!!! She unkinked it and I watched what appeared to be a gallon of fluid come gushing out! They then left the catheter in an additional 6-8 hours and never ran any sort of bladder uti tests before discharging me. They pretty much talked down on me day 4 because I wasn't moving around as much as they wanted to and was slacking compared to the average patient. It made me feel cruddy looking back I am pissed because of their incompetency I was trapped to the bed for nearly a full extra day! Unnesecarily!!

I have not felt my bladder since the monday I delivered. I wasn't concerned about it too much at first just figured it was a side effect of drugs or whatever maybe some swelling. I did pretty much have a vag and c-section birth... 2 days after release I woke up from a nap on our couch, and my bladder completely let itself go. I have not been able to control my bladder at all since. We called our doctor that night and he gave some lame bruised bladder nerves explanation. He did not seem to understand the severity of this. I know some incontinence is normal but this isn't a little dribble with a sneeze, this is full on pissing myself uncontrollably, me walking through the house sobbing hysterically as urine runs down my leg incontinece. Which was only resolved when I resigned and got the actual adult diapers instead of just using pads.. But I leak sometimes still, and those are 15 bucks for 17. This is getting expensive..

Monday I went in and I have a severe uti. (oh really? you think? ) so I am on antibiotics for that. But I still can not feel my bladder at all.

Oh and I have a weeping spot on my c section wound that they had to cut open and the doctor monday had us buy a bunch of supplies and was having james repack and cover it twice a day yesterday the other doctor told him to just cover it because its not pussy but healthy cells and it will close up and heal. the rest of it seems to be healing well, but this is gross and I can feel it leaking when I stretch out and it makes sleep hard.

SO I am still wearing diapers. I still cant feel my bladder. I have slept so little, I cry so much. My baby is an angel he sleeps all the time and I would be fine, but I hate sleeping because I wake up in so much pain and just a one hour nap fills up a diaper... I have an appointment with an urologist on the 30th. He is going to want to shove a camera up my urethra, and there is a chance I may never regain bladder control. I either damaged it from pushing so much or else when they cut me open evan was engaged pretty deep in the birth canal and they had to reach down and pull him up and the doctor said that created a gap between the uterus and bladder (?????)

I am so pissed off at my body. Why is it failing me? My boyfriend thinks the doctors messed a bunch of stuff up with my labor but I am not sure. They don't seem to be taking me seriously currently though. I am considering getting a second party to take a look at my weeping c section wound track, but having medicaid makes it more difficult. *sigh*:


Oh and during my c-section they had a medical student present even though I stated in my birth plan and twice verbally and my boyfriend verbally that I wanted no medical students or student doctors present at all. Also my doctor didn't show up until nearly 5 hours of pushing and within 20 minutes was suggesting a c-section. I think the nurse started me on pushing way too soon and the doctor came way to late. I thought laboring moms were a bigger priority then office patients??
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#2 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 07:58 AM
 
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Oh my gosh Mama I could not read this with out responding. I wish you so much healing in everyway. I had to mourn my c-section but things went a lot smoother for me than it sounds like it went for you. I would seek out some help in dealing with the emotional scars that you have been left with. You don't want to be to emotionally absent form you babies infancy and there is help out there. The physical healing will come with time and hopefully the new Doc you will be seeing. Many bleesing and speeding healing to you Mama.

Jenese Mama to Elliot 8/05 and Millie Jane 7/07 and Cecilia Kate 1/11
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#3 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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Oh, sweetie. I am so sorry! I'm praying that healing improves and you get some resolution. Be persistent in your efforts to get a second opinion.

-Shannon, momma to H reading.gif 8/03, N heartbeat.gif 9/06, & P homebirth.jpg 8/11, missing S brokenheart.gif born at 11 wks 1/09 

 


 
   

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#4 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 12:32 PM
 
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if you think something went wrong then pursue it. document what you remember. find out if you can talk to the nurses and have them sign stuff stating what they did/what the dr's. did. they don't have to say anything went wrong just what they saw and then you can talk to a lawyer who specializes in this stuff (if you still feel like you weren't treated well) and you'll have the say-so of other people and they can't dismiss you as some crazy overhormonal postpartum woman.

on the other stuff. i don't think your body failed you. although, yes, bodies are supposed to only make what they can handle you have to see that "evolution" has been thawrted in many ways with medical help. people who wouldn't have survived childbirth b/c of either a small pelvis, inability to push correctly or whatever DON"T die in childbirth and therefore their children, who may carry thoses genes, also live (which is good b/c we don't want to loose loved ones but also harmful cause it hurts the genes). so maybe your body's not perfect but you TRIED. you didnt let a dr just say well lets schedule you for csec. you tried a whole heck of a lot!

although i haven't had a csec i know whats it like to have dr's ignore you and law enforecment to think your crazy. your not. go with your gut.
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#5 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 12:50 PM
 
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Your not the only one mama. I too had pit, epi, antibiotics, etc. and I felt like my body failed me too. It sounds like your situation is a bit more serious though, and I do think you should pursue whether it was the hospital's incompetence- the kink thing in the catheter has me reeling! You poor thing. Things will get better with time, don't worry- and try to enjoy your beautiful healthy babe- no matter what you went through, look what you got! Take care mama.

Amy, mommy to Ava, 6, Gavin, 4, Lila, 2, and Baby #4 due in early November! joy.gif
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#6 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 01:27 PM
 
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oh, mama...i am truly sorry for your birth experience. it brought tears to my eyes...because it reminded me so much of my own birth and there are so many similarities and parallels. i'm so sorry....

given your history, i would definitely recommend going to see a UROGYNECOLEGIST if there is one in your area. you need to be seen immediately, please tell the receptionist that you are experiencing total incontinence.

do you have any sensation of your bladder at all? do you know when you might need to void? are you leaking constantly? are you sure you're leaking from your urethra? i ended up with a vesicovaginal fistula, which is basically a hole in your bladder that goes into your vagina. i was leaking uncontrollably but one night about 10 days postpartum, in complete horror, i realized that it was coming out of my vagina. (so sorry if tmi) they put a catheter in for 5 weeks to see if it would heal on it's own, which it almost did. there was a pinprick size hole left that wouldn't close, so at 3 1/2 months postpartum i had surgery to repair it. i am no longer leaking.

i pushed for about as long as you did, and instead of a c- they used forceps. it sounds like your pelvic structures took a huge beating when they did the c-section as they had to push baby back up. i don't mean to be alarmist but with the tremendous stress and pressure that your pelvic floor has gone through with your birth, you are at risk for postpartum pelvic organ prolapse. the best thing that you can do for yourself to hopefully prevent that from happening is to take is easy, as much as you can (and i know that's easier said than done with a newborn to care for). please call in as many resources as you can to help you, i hope so much that you are able to have a supportive network of friends and family to assist you. my mil was able to come for a few weeks, and then after that we had a postpartum doula come in for a little while just to help me out.

after the surgery, i still had postpartum bladder prolapse. it caused me a lot of discomfort but i've learned so much from the women over at whole woman, there is a forum over there that is so helpful for any type of pelvic issues and incontinence. dd is about to turn one year old, and although i'm still in physical therapy twice a week, everything is much better and i have almost no sign of the prolapse. it's something that i'll have to be mindful of for the rest of my life, but it all entails lifestyle changes that are good for me ANYWAYS, prolapse or not.

please pm me if you need anything, even just someone to talk to.

congratulations on the birth of your precious one.

it's a lot to think about and recover from, sending you health and healing.
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#7 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 01:41 PM
 
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i also wanted to let you know that your body didn't fail you. the system did.

your body grew this amazing precious being, your sweet baby.

again, i'm so sorry...major coming your way.
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#8 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 04:49 PM
 
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*hugs* I am so sorry. Sending healing vibes your way.
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#9 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 05:21 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this and that your birth & recovery have been so traumatic. I hope the urologist is able to help you.

Keeping busy with 2 boys & 1 girl ('04, '06, '08)
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#10 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 05:45 PM
 
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OMG-that's awful.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this.
I had awful feeling of "my body failed me" after the birth of my first child. I had a hard time recovering physically (after an induction and traumatic birth) and I took it personally. Eventually a dear friend suggested to me that things got out of hand at the birth and were NOT my fault. It took months for me process this fact and come to terms with it. Give yourself time and find someone supportive to talk to. This is a difficult time emotionally anyway with all of the hormones and adding guilt onto it just isn't good for you or your sweet babe.

Paige, mama to three girls, (10), (8) and (3)
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#11 of 27 Old 10-20-2006, 06:13 PM
 
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Not in your DDC, but I couldn't read your story and not let you know that I wish for you both emotional + physical health and happiness. I'm so sorry for your ordeal.

I haven't been through your experience, but after my miscarriage I spent a LOT of time berating my body for failing me (the best way to describe how I felt was "betrayed") so I know what a toxic feeling that is. It even affected how I experienced the beginning of my current (healthy & happy) pregnancy, which is a shame because I can't get that time back. And I guess that's the most important thing - as hard as it might be, please try to be kind to yourself so that you can enjoy your beautiful blessing. Imagine that you are your own best friend going through this - you would be tender and loving with your friend, and try to help her focus her emotions in a positive way, a way that would lead to peace, healing, and the ability to enjoy the present without dismissing or minimizing the importance of the physical trauma you went, and are going, through.

And finally, please do consider talking to a lawyer if you feel like that's appropriate at some point. If medical errors were made in your treatment (and that sounds highly possible), it might be therapeutic for you to go through the process of seeking "justice."

I am sending you wishes for health + empowerment + serenity! Congratulations on your baby boy!
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#12 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 10:25 AM
 
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Wishing you healing and peace.
Your story just increases my resolve to be a great nurse and to always be an advocate for the patient so this doesn't happen to someone else.
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#13 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 10:30 AM
 
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Wow.... that's a lot for a new mom to deal with.

I'm not from your ddc, but I just had to say that your body has been through a lot, and have faith in it's ability to heal itself. It just takes time. I know that living through it every day must seem to just mean a decreased chance of healing, but I have found that it really does that time, and that when things start to heal, they will move faster than you thought. It's early still... I'm betting you'll be fine. Just nurture yourself, eat well, get rest, and although it sounds like a crock of crap, stay as positive as you can - it helps.

Take care.
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#14 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 10:38 AM
 
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#15 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 10:43 AM
 
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Sending many healing vibes your way
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#16 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 10:46 AM
 
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have you thought of consulting a lawyer?

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#17 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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rainbow, yes I have thought of consulting a lawyer but I don't know who's really to blame or what's wrong really. I have a urologist appointment the 30th hopefully he can determine the issue and possible cause of it....

I am healing up a lot better now, still wearing diapers, I can sometimes now feel my bladder slightly which is a good sign. I've been doing a lot of kegals hoping those might help... My incision is healing up nicely except for where it's weeping, I can now sleep on my side. My son is an angel and he is helping me heal in a lot of ways strangely..
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#18 of 27 Old 10-22-2006, 09:45 PM
 
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I definitly understand where you are coming from mama it just seems like this is what malpractice insurance is for and it sounds like your care may be questionable! especially having to live like this if it could have been preventable or treated sooner or because of trauma possibly caused by your CP! whatever you do get a second opinion if you can because it sounds pretty serious! I am so sorry you are going through this. emotionally I can identify with you as my labor and c/s were very silimiar and I too also
had complications-pancreatitis,blood transfusions,etc.it took a long time to heal..and I am still not over it! it is totally normal to feel pissed off about it! don't let anyone tell you differently. it's what you do about it is what matters and you need to focus on your sweet baby right now and healing! please be gentle with yourself!

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Originally Posted by vloky View Post
rainbow, yes I have thought of consulting a lawyer but I don't know who's really to blame or what's wrong really. I have a urologist appointment the 30th hopefully he can determine the issue and possible cause of it....

I am healing up a lot better now, still wearing diapers, I can sometimes now feel my bladder slightly which is a good sign. I've been doing a lot of kegals hoping those might help... My incision is healing up nicely except for where it's weeping, I can now sleep on my side. My son is an angel and he is helping me heal in a lot of ways strangely..

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#19 of 27 Old 10-23-2006, 01:18 AM
 
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Not in your DDC but I coudn't read and not respond. I am so very sorry you are dealing with this. Peace and hugs to you.
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#20 of 27 Old 10-26-2006, 10:59 AM
 
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i suggest going in and requesting your chart from the hospital NOW. Before it has time to change.

I am so sorry for what you had to go through. It sounds like they really f*cked up your care. It was at the very least sub-par, and I would call it sub standard, and physically harming to you. Having your bladder disdended that far because of a cath. tube kink is BOUND to cause nerve issues in your bladder.

I agree with the other posters. Your body didn't fail you, your providers DID!

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#21 of 27 Old 11-03-2006, 11:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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my hospital file isn't even complete yet, my doctor has 30 days to complete it. We're going to have the doctor my son sees and who my boyfriend has seen since a child to request it when it's complete so we don't have to pay 15$ plus 60 cents/page for it. It turned out I was leaking urine out my vagina which they determined when they did a vcug, so monday they put a catheter in me which will be in for 2 weeks the urologist hopes it will relieve pressure so that my bladder can heal, if not I will have to quit breast feeding to take estrogen if that doesn't work I will have to have surgery, hopefully it is resolved before my medicaid runs out end of december. The night they put the catheter in we went to the e.r. because all that was coming out was dark red, they flushed my bladder out and a bunch of giant black blood clots came out. My urologist then came in and put in a larger catheter and flushed again and several more large clots came out one which clogged the tube and they had to remove it and reinstert it. They gave me 3 days worth of antibiotics. The catheter seemed to be doing the trick at first, no leakage out of my vagina, but each day its in seems to do less. Today hardly any urine at all has made it to the bag a lot is going into the pad and down the tubing, I don't know if maybe the catheter got pulled out a little or shoved in a little or what.. It's really frustrating though.
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#22 of 27 Old 11-03-2006, 11:43 PM
 
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oh mama I hope this works/ resolves itself soon, and you can heal quickly

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#23 of 27 Old 11-04-2006, 12:08 AM
 
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Yes--request your records...go see another doctor...

I don't think your body failed you--the epi helped you relax and helped you dialate...up to that point, it was on track...
I'm guessing they told you when to push since you couldn't feel it and I'm thinking you may have pushed against a cervix with a lip or something and may have caused it to swell--any pushing after that would've only increased the problem. Then I'm also guessing you were flat on your back or at a slight incline making pushing more ineffective than if you could've squatted etc.

I'm no Dr or anything--but it would've been nice if INSTEAD of pit, they had turned your epi down low...then see if you could FEEL enough to stand and squat--or at least elevate a bit...then maybe you could've had more effective pushing. A c/s was the LAST resort--if baby was doing fine and you were too (except for being tired etc) it would've been better to let you rest...and see where your labor went--turn off the pit and see if you could've let your uterus and muscles rest and then try again ya know?
I pushed for 3 hrs--on my back... I was very close to a c/s also--and I'm annoyed that it got to that point.

As for your bladder/urethra/incontinence--It could just be the swelling/healing...but I'd get a 2nd opinion...
Please don't cry over peeing all over yourself. Our bodies are wonderful, but birth is a very hard effort--and all of our systems get involved...your body is a wonderful machine and it can heal and be well again! The one thing I would remind you is go and get some probiotics--acidolpholus, plain yogart, etc. The antiboitics can really make a bad situation worse with a yeast infection (either vaginal or thrush if you are breastfeeding!)

Mama--remember this--in all things like this that are SO DIFFICULT, we learn. We learn and we empower ourselves--and we can in turn become a teacher for others. I had a BAD time after my dd's birth and nursing was a BITCH! BUT, because of my experience, I know I have made a difference in many people's lives with my convictions with breastfeeding and birth. YOU can also be convicted and help others!!! But for now, rest, heal, and relax.

Your body made a miracle...then you worked your hardest (even against some tough obsticles--the medical community!!) to get this baby out...and in the end you produced a healthy and happy baby. Your body DID NOT fail--your attendants might have failed you though--and that is why I think you need a 2nd opinion!

I'm thinking of you and sending you healing vibes!
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#24 of 27 Old 11-04-2006, 12:33 AM
 
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My thought is that alot may have failed you but you were and ARE strong , brave and the mother of a wonderful child. If you feel that it would help: pursue the legal issue but don't feel guilty if you also decide to move forward and focus on your rehabilatation and family.
I think that we all have ideal birth plans and that is wonderful. We all may now think in retrospect of things that could have been done. But you did your best and a birth plan should be the ideal not a way to beat ourselves up if something unplanned happens.
Please, I hope you let go of any shame , guilt or depression you are directing towards yourself.
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#25 of 27 Old 11-04-2006, 12:44 AM
 
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WAIT!

You're leaking urine out of your vagine like you got a fistula? Because if so that is COMPLETELY doctor error. You weren't birthing alone, and your providers SHOULD have caught that!

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#26 of 27 Old 11-04-2006, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, I'm leaking out of my vagina the e.r. doctor called it a fistula but my urologist said it's not a fistula it's the beginnings of one a pathway or something..: One of my 2 ob/gyns who were at my c-section said during the c-section he noticed blood in my bladder and took a look at my bladder and didn't note any tears or rips and figured it was bleeding from the catheter... Bah. I just want to get this fixed asap. If it's not fixed before my medicaid runs out ill have to move home to minnesota so I can get state insurance and get it fixed.. *frustrated*
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#27 of 27 Old 11-04-2006, 02:26 PM
 
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You cold probably sue the doctors. Especially if it's noted in your chart. They saw a problem and didn't follow up on it, and the hospital's abysmal care exacerbated it whether it was pre-exisitng (Which I doubt because you would have noticed it!) or not.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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