Am I the only one? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 21 Old 11-20-2006, 01:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Am I the only mother on Earth who doesn't love being a mother all the time.

I have no idea why my baby cries anymore... she wakes up in the morning and she cries til she goes back to sleep, for a nap (if we're lucky) or for bed in the evening.

How can I love something so much and resent everything at the same time. I feel like I am losing it. I have no help, my family is 3000 miles away. And a baby that seems miserable. :

Not sure who cries more these days... me or her.
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#2 of 21 Old 11-20-2006, 02:06 PM
 
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I think a person would be crazy to love being a mother ALL the time. Everyone has their moments.

Have you ruled out food allergies/sensitivities? That'd be my first thought. Then again it could just fall under the general heading of "colic". I wish I had some advice for ya!

Deb
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#3 of 21 Old 11-20-2006, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah, we did the whole food thing and I have stopped eating the fuss foods. Although maybe she is developing new sensitivities? Who knows.

What gets me is that she soooooo different now, as far as temperament goes... she was the most mellow, content happy baby for two months. Never fussed, rarely cried. Now she is the polar opposite.

Thanks for the support!
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#4 of 21 Old 11-20-2006, 06:21 PM
 
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oh yeah. i even told dh that i didnt want to do it anymore. i didn't want to be her mother. i love her but damn its hard to learn a new language with no freakin help!! and doing it all alone is even harder!! my dd is starting to settle a bit. still very UP and awake and particular but i have given in to things such as trying to not have her always fall asleep in the sling, or not nursing her to sleep and what not. i just can't push myself any more cause i would literally go crazy. i don't think it would be wise for me to do that since dh isn't home much.
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#5 of 21 Old 11-20-2006, 10:44 PM
 
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Heavens no, you are not the only one! Being a mother is not easy, rewarding, but not easy.
Be gentle with yourself and forgiving too. Hugs to you and wishing a better day tomorrow.
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#6 of 21 Old 11-21-2006, 12:39 AM
 
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Ha no... It's definatly NOT easy. Worth every second in the end, and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything. But some days are REALLY hard. When I found out I was pregnant my Nan sent me a card saying she knew I'd be a fantastic Mother but I had to remember the most important thing is that no mother is perfect, they do the best they can at the time with the resources they have, so if some days I really don't wanna be there that I need to forgive myself for only being human. I think of that when it gets too much. Don't be hard on yourself Mama, as I said, you're only human s
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#7 of 21 Old 11-21-2006, 01:29 AM
 
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Some days are good, some days are bad ... but each day ends eventually and something new comes around. Got to love the good moments when you have them and forgive the bad (while always striving).

Hand to heart, sometimes I think my first cried for 5 months straight ... but nothing lasts forever.

Nap when the baby naps ... cry when the baby cries ... however you can make it.

Hugs.

IBCLC, LLLL, Mom to 3, obsessive baker, where's my coffee
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#8 of 21 Old 11-21-2006, 02:17 AM
 
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There are good days and bad days for all of us. This parenting thing has it's ups and downs.

Sounds like maybe you need a better support system - have you checked out a LLL meeting? Gone for a walk and maybe started chit chat with other mothers, maybe at the park or something?
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#9 of 21 Old 11-21-2006, 11:52 PM
 
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I could have written this post! HELL NO! It is not all that enjoyable!

Don't worry about it! Enjoy those few, fleeting seconds (usually when she smiles) and just chant "This too shall pass" the rest of the time.

That's my current strategy.

Also? Forcing the naps. I discovered only last week that overstimulation is a HUGE problem for our girl. So it seems like she's only awake (and not nursing) for about 20 minutes in between her 1-2 hour naps. If I can get her to nap every couple hours, she is heaps easier to deal with.

HTH

High-tech Hippie Mama to Dd1 (9/22/06), Dd2 (2/25/10) and Ds (05/27/2013). I eat Clean, cloth diaper, and spend way too much time online.

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#10 of 21 Old 11-22-2006, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for all your advice and support... it's still pretty touch and go around here but I am trying to focus on one day at a time. DH and I had a heart to heart as well about what life is like for me at the moment and that has helped too. I could not ask for a more supportive partner.

I think I had some unrealistic ideas of what this would be like. And how reality has hit. I am trying to remind myself that she wont be so tiny (or fussy!) forever and that I should cherish this time while it lasts, because I will miss it when it's gone.

Thanks again everyone, this ddc is a lifesaver on the rough days!
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#11 of 21 Old 11-23-2006, 02:54 AM
 
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I'm pleased that you have talked things through with your DH and things are a bit better for you mama
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#12 of 21 Old 11-24-2006, 03:57 AM
 
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Yes, we all have good days and bad days. Just focus on having more good than bad
I've just found this site and it's great.
www.babywhisperer.com
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#13 of 21 Old 11-28-2006, 03:48 PM
 
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I vote 'no' on the baby whisperer...

But I hear you. My first was like that: she screamed 6+ hours a day, sometimes all at once. I paced and paced and paced, cried, felt totally numb and disassociated from her.
The only thing anyone ever said to me (other mothers, not my own) was that I "shouldn't" feel angry and that's a very bad and 'dangerous' sign and I should get help. Way to help me feel like it's normal and okay, right? Ugh.

IT IS NORMAL AND OKAY!

I even get pissed at Xan, and he's Soooooooooooooooooooo much easier than my first was. When they just cry and fuss and you've exhausted all your options that's hard!!

photosmile2.gifBabs + trekkie.gifCurtis - Parents of Tempest blahblah.gif(08/07/03 autismribbon.gif), Jericho angel2.gif(11/01/05 ribboncesarean.gif), Xan moon.gif(10/03/06 uc.jpghbac.gif), Zephyra baby.gif(06/02/11 hbac.gif). mdcblog5.gif @ babyslime.livejournal.com

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#14 of 21 Old 11-29-2006, 03:40 AM
 
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hugs

it does get frusterating, we just want them to be happy and it's so hard when there not and there's nothing we can do about it
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#15 of 21 Old 12-06-2006, 10:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
I vote 'no' on the baby whisperer...

!!
Each to their own but I was just curious .. why the "no" vote?
What I really liked about it was it had alot of info on why CIO and CC are not beneficial for babies. Not only does it offer suggestions but also gives alot of information so that you can make your own educated decision.
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#16 of 21 Old 12-06-2006, 05:26 PM
 
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http://kellymom.com/store/reviews/re...whisperer.html
That's why.

photosmile2.gifBabs + trekkie.gifCurtis - Parents of Tempest blahblah.gif(08/07/03 autismribbon.gif), Jericho angel2.gif(11/01/05 ribboncesarean.gif), Xan moon.gif(10/03/06 uc.jpghbac.gif), Zephyra baby.gif(06/02/11 hbac.gif). mdcblog5.gif @ babyslime.livejournal.com

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#17 of 21 Old 12-06-2006, 08:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post
Whoa! There's some very outdated info about bf'ing in that book.

Also, IME, mothers nurse toddlers for the toddler's benefit, not their own. At least that was true in my case. I was ready to quit bf'ing after 14 months, but my dd needed it and we bf'd until nearly 28 months. I think that's the case for a lot of extended bf'ing mothers too.

I never read the book or was interested in it, but thanks for the link!
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#18 of 21 Old 12-06-2006, 08:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by blairinargentina View Post
I think I had some unrealistic ideas of what this would be like. And how reality has hit. I am trying to remind myself that she wont be so tiny (or fussy!) forever and that I should cherish this time while it lasts, because I will miss it when it's gone.
That sums how I felt with my first. All I had in my head were Hallmark images of motherhood. I only got a few of those moments a day! The rest was spent with a crying, colicky baby who pooped, peed, and spit up on me all the time and never let me sleep.

Glad to hear you're feeling more cheerful. It's HARD being a mom. There's nothing glamorous about it and our work is often underappreciated and misunderstood.
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#19 of 21 Old 12-07-2006, 01:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by littleteapot View Post

Thanks for that. It's funny actually, that I never noticed these points on her website. I only take what I want from websites and skim over things I don't agree with, as I'm happy to co-sleep and demand feed (which I have done for all of my children) I didn't even look at these sections. Other than implying that attachment parenting is the ONLY way to raise your child, I find the points mentioned in the review quite valid!

The parts I found helpful were the advice on reading your babies body language when they are crying if you're unable to settle and as I stated before, the research into why it's best not to CIO or CC.

There are many forms of parenting too, for example I am in the minority in my group of friends when I co-sleep and help my baby get to sleep by holding him. Although I choose to do things that way, I don't berate or judge those who don't. However, if someone is asking for advice I will try and give them unbiased support so they can choose what is right for them.

I have never been to any site or read any book that I whole heartedly agree with, I guess that's everyones right as a free thinker, and the beauty of having access to so much information.
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#20 of 21 Old 12-07-2006, 03:34 PM
 
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hey, things going better?
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#21 of 21 Old 01-02-2007, 02:41 PM
 
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first of all a great big ! we love ya.
i am so sorry you don't have any help. it is so hard sometimes i know. in the beginning i felt so bad because i didn't feel very attached to her right away and i felt terrible because it took so long for my milk to come in i would have to give her a bottle just so she would have something in her stomach. thankfully my milk is very much in.
i have the opposite problem with help. we are living with my inlaws and they do way too much. they are trying to give her fruits alreay a few weeks ago and she is 14 weeks right now. they take her out of the room and into their own room without asking. i'll put her down with dh or in her swing while i go the bath room and she will be gone somewhere else cause they took her. one time they were holding and playing with her i went in another room came back and they were gone . they took her in the car to go see christmas lights without even asking me!!! my FIL putts her diapers on backwards. my MIL doesn't listen to me when i tell her not to feed her baby food. they try to give her bottles just so they don't have to give her back to me! well they only did that 2wice. and they change her outfit if i put her in a dress because MIL thinks that if she is in frilly tights they are uncomfortable for dd just becuause she doesn't like to wear panty hose herself. whats up with that.
but anyways my point is we all have trouble. try not to feel down about it. ur dc just loves you and needs you. there are times when i just want dd to go to sleep or be happy having tummy time so i can do something i want to do. i get frustrated too.
we all do
and we all love you.

Trying to with SO my dd3 my ds 2 dss 7 dss 8 and 2 chinese creasted's
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