Shower/Baby Welcoming for 2nd baby - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 11:51 AM - Thread Starter
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We're expecting our second little guy at the beginning of October. For DS #1 I had a shower that was thrown by my parents about 2.5 months before he was due. I just talked to my mom about it the other day and she made it pretty clear that she's not throwing me a shower this time and doesn't really think it's "right". She has offered to buy the bigger ticket items we need, sort of as an exchange for not having a shower. The reason she doesn't want to have a shower is because she thinks it's not ok, or against the etiquite rules or something. She had a great time hosting the last one, so I don't think that's it.

I don't want to have a shower for the gifts, we still have a LOT of DS's things that we are going to reuse. We also have friends who have given us a car seat and clothes and plenty of other stuff. So, I don't want to have a shower for people to bring gifts - but I'd like to have a shower or some type of party to celebrate this little guy in the same way that we celebrated my first son's arrival.

So does anybody have any ideas of how to do this without throwing a party for myself? I talked with a co-worker about it the other day and she's a good friend, so maybe she'll put one together but I don't know. Is there a way that I can nicely ask a good friend to do this or is that really wrong? It feels unnatural to me and I don't want to obligate someone into doing something.

It wouldn't be a huge deal if we didn't have one, but I'd really like to have a small gathering of my friends come over for lunch and cake and just celebrate this new baby. My SIL (who is due a month before me) just had one thrown by a friend of hers and held at her mom's place. From what she said people were excited about it and didn't feel annoyed to go because she and my brother already have 1 kiddo. Am I nuts or greedy for wanting this?

One by one the days are slipping up behind you ~ One by one the sweetest days of life go by :
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#2 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 12:10 PM
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I dont think you're nuts of greedy I've read in some books about having a baby shower where the guests bring frozen meals for you and your family instead of presents. Do you think if you have one of those your mom would feel more comfortable? You could also call it something different than a "baby shower"... a "baby welcoming party" or a "baby celebration"? This way you wont have to worry about cooking meals for your family in the first couple of weeks, you wont get a bunch of stuff that you already have and dont need, and your mom may feel a little better about it. Just an idea Good Luck!
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#3 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 12:25 PM
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Baby showers are nice way to do something fun and girly, I think it also gets you in "ready to have this baby" mode...

I've had the idea of an online baby shower for a while since i'm in Ga in most of my friends are in Florida

Some people get 2 and 3 showers, so what's wrong with one? Talk to one of your close friends and explain that you need help planning it, any good friend should be open to help

Hope it goes well, Have your shower and ejoy it
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#4 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 01:14 PM
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I was quite certain that we wouldn't be having a shower this time but a very dear friend of ours insisted that she throw one for us--not a shower really, she's calling it a "sprinkle". Since this baby is a boy after 2 girls and 11 yrs since our last boy, we don't have any boy stuff. We're only asking for boy clothes and little odds and ends (bath stuff, diaps/wipes, etc). It's going to be in September at her house and she's planning it as more of a cookout/get together, it should be really fun.

I really like the idea of baby welcoming parties after the baby is born (and mama/baby's routine is well established). It gives family/friends a chance to meet the new baby on the parents terms.
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#5 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 01:42 PM
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My neighbor is throwing one for me and this is baby #4! I think that etiquette has definitely changed over the years. I love to celebrate the impending birth of my babies with friends. Parties are fun. I see nothing wrong with it.

I had a very large shower with baby #1 (50 people). With baby #2, my sister threw a pool party with close family and a few friends (maybe 20 people). Baby #3 my play group moms took me out to dinner and gave me a few gifts (very small). Now baby #4 is our first boy in 8 years so we could use a few things. We will probably have about 20 people at the neighbors I'm guessing. Scheduled for mid-September. I will be huge I'm sure but will enjoy celebrating the birth of this little bundle.
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#6 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 05:39 PM
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Why would you be uncomfortable to throw a party yourself? I don't think it would be considered greedy, especially if you say something on the invitation that specifies "no gifts please". (Some people may still bring some, but at least youv'e made the point). Heck, I think it would be fun to go to a "Meet Our Little One" party in the spring....make it light and fun - a bbq or something.

We'll probably throw one ourselves when we move next spring to our new home (new country). We don't have anyone in my hometown throwing a shower before the baby is born b/c we live over 9 hours away. But, I think it will be fun to introduce the new baby and invite people over to our new home at the same time next spring.

Everyone loves a party!
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#7 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 06:04 PM
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I haven't read others' comments, but wanted to weigh in on your querry.

Personally, I think that throwing the party yourself is much more appropriate than asking or even hinting around for one thrown by someone else. Showers were begun to help first time parents get going on all the 'stuff' that we're supposed to have for kiddos. To ask for a party for the presents and to ask for a shower (specifically) IS against the etiquite of the thing.

However, since you say you don't care about the presents part of it, I would recommend throwing some sort of little party, lunch, BBQ, or something once the little guy is here to introduce him to those you care about. You could call it a "Welcome ____ to the world BBQ (party, lunch, or whatever)" and specify in the invitation that presents are not expected.

Based on the manners and reasons for showers, it is wrong to ask for or expect one after your first child's birth. If someone were to throw it just because, well... that's their choice and it's your choice to accept or refuse.

Of course, this is all JMHO.

IntactaLactavist, HomeBirthin' Baby Wearin' Co-sleepin' Homeschoolin', City girl gone Country Livin' SAH(HSing)M

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#8 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 07:22 PM
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My mother is throwing me a second shower. Last time we knew we were having a girl, and we have very few of those in the family. Everyone got us gender specific stuff. There were like 30 women at the shower, mostly family. This time with twin boys my friends were asking ME when my shower would be. I told the girls to call my mother if they thought I should have one. It is in 2 weeks because there is no telling when I might have the babes.. It certainly won't be in late October at this point. I think there will be about the same number of people, but mostly friends this time. I have a few relatives that won't do a second shower due to ettiquette. They are all buying big expensive presents though. I just don't get it. Oh, it isn't going to be formal. No games, no presents required. Just lunch at my mom's house. HTH.

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
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#9 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 08:30 PM
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I read somewhere on here (or there) where the mama to be held a BBQ. She had bought a bunch of lil undershirts fro the baby and some paints and markers adn such. Then had included .... decorate a shirt for the new baby. No presents involved I thought it was such a super cute idea.

I also like the frozen food dishes as gifts as well
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#10 of 10 Old 08-08-2006, 08:33 PM
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I think all babies deserve their own little party...its about celebrating life, not getting gifts

Aron Mama to 6 homeschoolers -- 12, 10, 8, 5, 3, baby

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