Just need a bit of encouragement - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 04:50 PM - Thread Starter
deleria's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 1,046
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here's the scoop:

I'm 39 weeks. I've been contracting for weeks, but it's generally unproductive BH contractions. I've been dilated to 2cm, not effaced, soft, posterior cervix for three weeks.

Saturday afternoon I started contractions. They became quite painful, closer together and kept me awake all but three hours of the night. By 9am they were 3 minutes apart and 1 minute in length. I thougth 'this might be it!'. I called my sister to watch the boys and dh and I went to the hospital.

By the time we got there my contractions had slowed and become more sporadic again - between 4 and 7 minutes. They checked my cervix: After 21 hours of painful contractions, absolutely no change I went home feeling tired and frustrated.

I went to the doctor's today and she did a cervical check. Big surprise: No change from the appointment last week (which I already knew, based on having been checked the day before).

I'm a VBAC, which I've been very excited about. However, part of the hospital's guidelines for VBACs is that I have to go into labour naturally and that it will not be augmented with any drugs (Pitocin, Cervadril, etc). Wise choice, but it means either I go on my own or I have a cesarean. There's no in between.

I see my doctor on the 10th. If I don't go into labour before then, she's offered to strip my membranes. If that doesn't work it looks like we'll be scheduling a cesarean

I know my due date is still a week off, but I'm feeling so hopeless right now and let down by my body. I've worked SO hard to get this VBAC and be positive and keep everyone else around me positive (my mother has been a naysayer from the getgo - I don't know if I'll be able to deal with 'See? You should have had a c-section right from the start and avoided all this stress'. UGH!) Also, both his big brothers (born a week and two weeks prior to their due dates) weighed over 10lbs. I'm a bit nervous about him waiting around longer than he already has, as ridiculous as that sounds (and I know it sounds ridiculous and it *IS* ridiculous, it's just how I feel right now).

I guess I just need encouraging words, hugs and advice if you have any. I *REALLY* want this little one to come on his own.
deleria is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 05:00 PM
leurMaman's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Central Texas
Posts: 1,532
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I can totally understand your frustration. When I was pregnant with DS, I got dangerously close to the cut-off date that would force me to give birth in a hospital instead of my birthcenter because he was approaching 42 weeks. Luckily, he decided to come on his own. I did try the membrane sweep, spicy food, love-making, you-name-it...trying to encourage that.

Anyway, hats off to you for going for a VBAC after big babies (mine was a 10 lber too). If it helps, I feel like you will have a quick and easy labor. When I hear stories of women who are dialated and having serious contractions for a long time, they tend to have very short active labor stories. You are the perfect candidate for jumping from 2 to 10 cm in record time with such good "practice" labor. I hope this is the case, and I'll send you positive baby vibes that you can do this on your own soon. It is too bad that they set the dates so strictly. I mean, 41w1d is average gestation time, so they are really pushing you to expect that you deliver before 40 weeks. Oh well, I know they just want to be safe with you. Hope you have him soon!

Mandi - Doula/Childbirth Educator, Loving my DH, DS, DD, DD, missing my three (last m/c 4/2010)
leurMaman is offline  
#3 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 05:21 PM
starlein26's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,813
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Originally Posted by bertrandsgirl View Post
When I hear stories of women who are dialated and having serious contractions for a long time, they tend to have very short active labor stories. You are the perfect candidate for jumping from 2 to 10 cm in record time with such good "practice" labor.
I agree. That's how my body handled it last time with ds. I had weeks of ctx, dilated to 2cm and then I had a 5 hr. 45 min. labor start to finish 3 days before his due date.
Keep the hope alive!!

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
starlein26 is offline  
#4 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 05:50 PM - Thread Starter
deleria's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 1,046
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you so much, mamas. Your words mean a lot. I know it's not over 'til the fat lady sings (or agrees that it's time to be cut open, anyway). I'm not there yet and I still have a good window of opportunity to go into labour. I guess I'm just worried that since my cervix is dilating and soft, but still quite long and posterior, that any attempt to help things along naturally won't work and that he's a very long way away from being born. I don't want to be stuck staring at cesarean consent forms in a few days. I really, really want this VBAC for him and for me.

Thanks again
deleria is offline  
#5 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 05:55 PM
happiestmomma's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: maryland
Posts: 424
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hugs, momma. I can only imagine how frustrating it is for you.
Keep faith in your body, and we'll keep thinking positive thoughts for you.
happiestmomma is offline  
#6 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 06:05 PM
Avani's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Are you taking evening primrose oil?I would take some internally and vaginally to help your cervix along and also start drinking the red raspberry leaf tea!
Avani is offline  
#7 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 06:26 PM
chaibaby's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Barrie, Ontario
Posts: 640
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
HUGS to you mom! I wish I had some good words of advice or encouragement but b/c I've never given birth I feel a little inexperienced on the topic. I wish you lots of happy labour dust (?!?). What I do know is that your body is incredible and it will know exactly what to do when the time comes. HUGS!!!
chaibaby is offline  
#8 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 06:39 PM
mamajody's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Britain, CT
Posts: 1,695
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I truly hope you get the VBAC you want. Try to relax and work with your body in the next few days. Lots of walking, squatting, the EPO, anything you can think of that might help. I know what it feels like to be facing down the c/s. Mine is in 4 days and I am not dilated at all. I was also hoping for spontaneous labor to get me out of the surgery, but who can say? I am not giving up hope until Firday at 11:59. It ain't over until they start cutting mama!

Mama to 4 darlings. A ('03), O and K ('06), A ('09), and wife to M since 2002.
mamajody is offline  
#9 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 07:01 PM
ariahsmum's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Vermont
Posts: 352
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Oh, mama... how sad it makes me feel to read your post. Your voice sounds like sooo many women after their c/s and subsequent VBAC. I have sooo much to say on the subject, but very little time at this very moment. I did want to forward something though that I wrote in response to just this topic on the ICAN list... it may seem a bit out of context, because it is not a direct response to you. I will try to write more later on.... But for now, I will say this.... this is your birthright and your baby's birthright. This is your body. There is no evidence to show that going past 40 weeks is dangerous for VBAC. A repeat c/s is not evidence based medicine. Rise up, woman. Roar. Do not let anyone steal this birth from you or your baby! You are made to birth this baby and your body is indeed working just as it should be. I personally don't believee you need to do anything to encourage labor- not squatting, not sex, not EPO... it is doing its thing, and this baby knows how to be born if you protect it and enable it to do so.

So here is "Rise UP" from the ICAN list:

I should be outside soaking up the sun... it is going to get cloudy
tomorrow, and the sun feels soooo wonderful on my expanding bellly. Did you
know the baby can actually see the light from the sun? It is so amazing...
this entire pregnancy and birth rite of passage is.

But I feel completely compelled to respond. I have read the original
message.. about time running out, about repeated checks on mother and baby despite any medical reason to do so, about the pressure that is now on, and about the developing belief system that so many of us unfortunately share/or shared at one time: that the body can somehow be broken for birth.

What is rising up in me is the biggest regret of all during my labor...well, pregnancy. I call it labor, because even though I wasn't "In labor"
for the last week or two of my pregnancy, I went to 44 weeks before I was
found broken for birth and got induced in the hospital., and I truly found
all the motional/physical preparations of those last few weeks to be labor.
I see labor as a continuum. It begins at conception- maybe before.
Everything is progress, all the unfolding , the oprening, the letting go-
emotional and physical.

My regret- even more than having a cesarean, even more than being put into a coma and unable to see the birth, even more than dh being barred from the
OR- is the time I spent in fear that my body wouldn't work. You see, my
midwife started asking me to get things going or else I would be transferred
to OB care at 41 weeks. So I literally spent 3 weeks trying to force labor-
the last three weeks of my blessed state of being with my child within-
weeks that should have been a time of great letting go, of surrender, of
joy, of celebration of the amazing journey of motherhood, pregnancy, of my
body and nature. Instead I sat on the toilet pumping my breasts with an
electronic device while pooping from castor oil. I did this over and over.
I had sex with dh- not making love- but functional sex in hopes of inducing
birth. I took homeopathics, cried, chanted, called her out of my being,
went to the acupuncturist, tried herbs. I walked miles up mountains. I went
to the chiropractor consistently. And I cried. Thru it all I cried becuase
I felt like such a miserable failure. I was sooo angry at my body for not
going into labor. What a powerful first message to teach my daughter, eh?

So in hindsight- now that I know my body would have pushed out my daughter eventually- I am so regretful that even if I was destined for traumatic surgery, that I allowed those last days of sacred time with my body and her body within mine to be stolen. I allowed it. I played along. I did not
know to rise up. Instead I decided to think that I was broken. I will
never ever allow that to happen to me again. I will rise up time and time
again, and claim my birthrite. I am woman. I am fully capable of birth and
labor. My body is wise and strong, as is my baby. It will birth this baby
when it is time. I will not allow anyone to steal from me the days of
beauty during gestation. I will not allow my power to be dampened. I will
not allow other's fear or policies in to my being. Just as I will not allow
any probing strange fingers to measure my very private, sacred and unfolding
yoni. No one can know my progress... for it is held in the depths within,
it is the mystery of birth, the mystery of the child within, the mystery of

Please women, rise up. Claim your bodies. Claim your birthrite. Rise up.
You are sacerd. And fully capable of birth. Do not succumb to the belief
that you can be measured or timed. RISE UP!

Jaya- unschooling mama to Ariah Rayheartbeat.gif1/02   Rukundo Pacifiquebuddamomimg1.png11/08  

missing Trace Oak candle.gif 10/25/06

ariahsmum is offline  
#10 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 07:13 PM
faithhopelove's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Podunk, Wisconsin
Posts: 590
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
HUGS. I am sorry you are feeling discouraged. Try to not stress about it though and definitely don't feel let down by your body. These things could prevent you from going into labor. Try to relax and let your body do what its doing. Now... is there anyway you can just not show up if they schedule you for your c-section? They can't force you to have one right?

Anyway, please just try to not worry too much. These negative feelings really do affect us and our bodies.

faithhopelove is offline  
#11 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 07:17 PM
scarlettrose's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 470
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
ariahsmum, thank you for sharing that....SO MUCH......

and take care of yourself deleria...your body knows what it's doing.....don't let anyone tell you otherwise....
scarlettrose is offline  
#12 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 09:09 PM
soccermominsd's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi Amanda...

and more for you. I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

I will be hoping and praying for the best for you & your little one.
soccermominsd is offline  
#13 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
deleria's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 1,046
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You are so wonderful, all of you. The support on MDC is amazing, even for something as small as this.

I'm going to re-read your words every time I have doubts. I'll also take the EPO, do some squatting, more walking and more sex, just because at least then I feel like I'm being proactive physically, mentally and emotionally.

Having given it some thought, I'm quite sure I can shy away from scheduling any surgery until at least 41 weeks, having it done much closer to 42 instead of 41. As long as we're both healthy I'm not concerned. It also gives my body more time to rev up for birth. And hey, fat squishes
deleria is offline  
#14 of 16 Old 10-02-2006, 11:28 PM
buddhasmomma's Avatar
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
Posts: 125
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
There are a couple of homeopathic things you can take, try to ask a local person who would know, or pm me and I'll find out from my midwife. Also you could try blue/black cohosh.

And sex, I learned that with orgasm it works much better. Orgasms are a natural burst of oxytocin in your body. Good luck!

I am a vbac mama too! I wish you all the best!
buddhasmomma is offline  
#15 of 16 Old 10-03-2006, 01:22 AM
deliarose's Avatar
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sending you good labor vibes! Look forward to reading your great birth story.
deliarose is offline  
#16 of 16 Old 10-03-2006, 01:51 AM
Tori Gollihugh's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,159
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I DO hope you get the vaginal birth you're hoping for!

I totally feel for your big baby fears! I'm right there with you, girlfriend. Also, I'm 'technically' 41w3d preggie today... based on LMC, but I knew from the beginning that I wouldn't really EXPECT the baby before Oct. 9th (and I'm totally right so far). Anyway... some babies just need more time to be ready to face the world.

I try to think that this big baby, when READY, will be an easier birth than a smaller baby NOT ready would be! Ya know? It does provide some comfort.

A midwife friend of mine shared with me that VBACs are often very long and drawn out labors, which is why Docs and hospitals don't want to deal with them.... I mention this because it could be a comfort to sort of expect a long labor process. (She said, specifically, that the labor often lasted 3 days in her experience.) A BIG thing from my own experience, is that the drive to the hospital caused my to close up from what progress my cervix had made because I was still under 6cm. Is there any way your DH might feel comfy checking for dilation?? That's something mine would HAVE to do if he had pushed me into the hospital for birthing our second.

GOOD LUCK!! I believe you CAN do it and baby will be read to come on his/her own when s/he IS ready.

IntactaLactavist, HomeBirthin' Baby Wearin' Co-sleepin' Homeschoolin', City girl gone Country Livin' SAH(HSing)M

Tori Gollihugh is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 9,417

16 members and 9,401 guests
agentofchaos , katelove , Katherine73 , lillymail2008 , lungcancer3 , manyhatsmom , philomom , Rae Lewis , sciencemum , shantimama , Skippy918 , sren , wheelslom15 , zebra15
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.