WHY, WHY, WHY??!! Why did this have to happen to you?? I remember your beautifully honest voice from the ICAN list and I didn't even know you were pregnant again and I just cannot get my head around this sad, sad news.
I understand that this was the loss of a life's dream in every.cell.of.my.body.
Words are failing me...I apologize...I am so humbled.
I can't even imagine what it must be like to write all this down. I'm so so so sorry for what happened. I hope in the passage of time you will find some measure of peace and solace. You're all in my thoughts.
Just a note of warning:
The support and lack of criticism is definitely strong at the personal level on that list. I've never seen anyone on the list be attacked for their own personal choices/situations that led to their rupture.
The problem comes when people start talking about friends/family/people online who are going to VBAC, HBAC, or UHBAC. Or if an article/study/report is posted about those citing safety/non safety. That's when some people lose their sensitivity and start saying hurtful things, forgetting that there are people on the list who still value VBACs and HBACs. I can understand their zeal from their point of view--their babies died during VBACs (probably about 95% of the women on the list) and they don't want that to happen to any woman or baby again. They have lost all trust in doctors/nurses/midwives to be informed about rupture risk and signs and to follow the proper safety guidelines for a VBAC--and with good reason because their situations were often terribly mismanaged/ignored/misdiagnosed.
So sorry, just wish I could do some little something to take your pain of loss away. Going out the front door of the hospital was GREAT!!! The older I get the more I question why the innocent..Take care, and I will keep you in my thoughts. PEACE!!!!!!!!!!
I couldn't read that and not respond. I am so sorry for your loss. You told Trace's story so beautifully. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but I know I can't. And I shouldn't, because I wouldn't want to take away the experience of your son, despite the pain it caused you. Take away pain, and we take away an important part of what makes us human. I pray that the Goddess with bless you with peace.
Mandy, )O( Proud mommy of Taylor (1/6/05) and Abigail (4/21/11) Loving wife of my gamer boy Michael. Blog link in my profile!
I will always remember your story Jaya!
You are such a strong wonderful woman and thank God your family still has you!
I'm so sorry for everything The abuse the loss...everyting
I hope peace finds you and comforts you always!