When are you telling your kids? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 27 Old 03-06-2006, 10:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My boys just turned three, and we're not sure when is really the best time to tell them that we're having a baby. We're thinking that we'll at least wait until the first trimester is over/we hear a heartbeat, but I wonder if it would be ideal to wait until 5 months or so, so that they don't have so long to wait. Of course, all day long today I was calling people and exclaiming, "I'm pregnant!" so they may pick up on something sooner rather than later. . .

Any thoughts?



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#2 of 27 Old 03-06-2006, 10:33 PM
 
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I don't have any advice because I am pregnant with my first but I just wanted to say congratulations! I remember you from the One Thread a few months back when I was posting there. I am glad you're joining the November Due Date Club.

Enjoying the journey into natural family living with my two sons and husband.
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#3 of 27 Old 03-06-2006, 10:52 PM
 
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Ohh, I'm so happy for you two!! YIPPEE! So, did you tell Lena that there were two follicles, or are you going to wait and see what shows on an ultrasound? so exciting!
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#4 of 27 Old 03-07-2006, 01:14 AM
 
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We told our kids about week after we found out. Mine are almost 9 and 4 1/2 though. My dd (almost 9) is very excited and ask almost every day "how big is the baby now". Oh all her many many questions. My ds doesn't really seem to care much and it will probably be more real to him when I start getting big and he can feel the baby moving.

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#5 of 27 Old 03-07-2006, 12:33 PM
 
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I think we might be tellng the boys this week, as we are going to tell my family this weekend when they are all over for a visit.

im a little anxious about telling them, but i think its important they know whats going on, its their life too!
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#6 of 27 Old 03-07-2006, 12:39 PM
 
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i told my kids as soon as i found out. my almost three year old was really excited and a little confused (i told him there was a baby in my tummy and he said "baby caleb is over there." ) and my 12 month old of course didn't understand. but i had to tell someone and my dh wasn't home.
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#7 of 27 Old 03-08-2006, 01:03 PM
 
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DD is 3 and I won't be telling her for months, probably at least 5 or so.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#8 of 27 Old 03-08-2006, 01:35 PM
 
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I asked my 2 1/2 year old the other day if he would like another baby. He was enthusiastic about it and said, "YES!" He wants a boy baby. We probably won't tell them about it until we're ready for the news to be more public, since you never know what they're going to say....
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#9 of 27 Old 03-08-2006, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, we haven't told our kids yet, but this morning they were both pretending to be babies (which they haven't done since we had a foster baby in October). Jasper kept climbing into my lap, and saying, "tell me I'm your baby." So, maybe they are picking up on something. . . Then later Luke was saying, "I want a girl. . . no, I want a boy." And I said, "a boy what?" And he said, "a boy BABY!" Whoops! I guess I'm gonna have to be a little more careful if I don't want them to really know for a while. It's interesting to see all the different plans. At this point, I think it might just stress them out to know, and I don't want them to blame the baby for my being sick.

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#10 of 27 Old 03-08-2006, 08:26 PM
 
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My 3-year-old DS has been asking for a new baby for months. I've been up-front-with him from the beginning, when DH and I were thinking about "making another baby" to the testing "this is a test to help find out if there's a baby in Mommy's belly" to the actual finding out "there's a baby in Mommy's belly!" He's very excited. He does know that sometimes something happens and the baby doesn't finish growing (my cousin recently had a miscarriage). But even if that does happen, he's still part of the family and would deserve to know why we were sad (of course he would be able to pick up on something like that).

We've told our 17-month-old DD, but of course she is clueless. However, this is the exact same spacing we had last time, and by the end of the pregnancy, DS knew what was up. I think it helped a lot that we read books about and talked about the baby's development all the way through the pregnancy. In the last couple months, I also read to him about and showed him pictures of childbirth so he could actually grasp the concept of the baby "coming out." It seemed to help him soooo much. After seeing those pictures, it really clicked for him. He was not surprised by his new sibling.

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#11 of 27 Old 03-08-2006, 08:35 PM
 
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We're waiting. We told our kids last time right away (they're 6 and 10) and then I miscarried, and it was really really hard to tell them and the little one had a hard time understanding what that meant - so I am at least waiting until i get a heartbeat, but more likley until the first trimester is over. though with the converstaions going on, you'd think they'd pick up on it.
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#12 of 27 Old 03-09-2006, 03:55 AM
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I told my 5 year old before I even told DH. He helped me make and hide the sign to surprise daddy about the new baby. Hes been talking about the next baby for the past week so Maybe he knew before we did. My almost 3 year old doesn't really seem to care too much. Maybe she will once my tummy starts growing. That's when Ds took more of an interest in my last pg.

 
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#13 of 27 Old 03-09-2006, 08:33 AM
 
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We told our girls right away. They are 8 and 5. I guess it was important to me that they not overhear something and since we've told family and friends, they needed to be included in that. I did mention that it's very early and mama still needs to go to the Dr to get it confirmed. The 15 mos old is clueless obviously, but the older girls were thrilled and excited. My 5 yr old DD came downstairs last night and sais (very serious look on her face) "Mama, I think we should name the baby "Sparkle"."
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#14 of 27 Old 03-09-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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We're waiting, but we'll tell them before we make it generally known. My first appointment is April 5, and I think SpaceMan will remember midwife appointments from the last pregnancy, so I'll either have to make up a good cover story, or let him in on it. I thought about telling him that we were going to a special place for ladies to make sure that they are healthy, and since women have babies, that's why there are so many pics of them... and people talking about babies... but I didn't feel right about that. I was worried that the app't would be sooner, but I think by April we can maybe tell him, but ask him not to tell the whole world (which he does with *every* piece of news. When we told him we were moving, if anyone would so much as say hi to him at the library or on the street or at the store, he would say "Hi, we're moving to Toronto, my dad has a new job, so we're packing everything up, he's driving back and forth to Toronto right now and we're looking for an apartment there to move into as soon as possible.... ).

He had been asking for a baby sister before Cuddlemonster was conceived, and so he was excited to hear I was pg. (And now, he thinks I build to suit.) He has talked about having another baby sister for a while, and the other day when we were at the mall, we were talking about babies, for some reason (I think we saw a pg lady). He told CatKing that he thought that I would have another baby sometime because I've only had three. And Cuddlemonster noticed EVERY baby we passed (while she was awake) and started at them and said "be-be". It's funny how they seem to know (or maybe I'm just more sensitive to it ).

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#15 of 27 Old 03-09-2006, 03:59 PM
 
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Well, my son "knew" before my husband did... but he'll just be 13 months tomorrow. I dressed him up in an "I am a big brother" t-shirt to tell DH =)

The only word he says clearly is "baby" - started saying that before AF ended this last cycle. So, at least we know he'll be able to call the baby something!
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#16 of 27 Old 03-10-2006, 10:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helen White
I've been up-front-with him from the beginning, when DH and I were thinking about "making another baby" to the testing "this is a test to help find out if there's a baby in Mommy's belly" to the actual finding out "there's a baby in Mommy's belly!" He's very excited. He does know that sometimes something happens and the baby doesn't finish growing (my cousin recently had a miscarriage). But even if that does happen, he's still part of the family and would deserve to know why we were sad (of course he would be able to pick up on something like that).
: very well said!!

I'm not preggo yet but trying (very hard) and I have to say that I agree 100% with this and that we are doing the same... ds is 3 1/2 and we have explained very losely where babies come from, how they grow etc... He knows that we are trying and when I et AF I tell him that it didn't work yet and that we'll just hav to try again...... my 18 month old is also in on the conversions to his own degree....

 
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#17 of 27 Old 03-10-2006, 12:30 PM
 
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Like the pp, all three of mine were told yesterday......and we just found out yesterday morning

I think it is important for me to be upfront with them. Also if we were to experience a loss of our child, we would want the children to be able to mourn that loss as well.

Also...I am a big mouth. I can't keep a secret about such a blessing that long! :

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#18 of 27 Old 03-10-2006, 07:08 PM
 
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We told EVERYONE the day I got my BFP, and that was 12dpo! LOL! We had been trying for so long, and everyone knew it. I know it can still happen, but I haven't m/c since before my 7 yo was born, and I'm just not worried about it anymore. If it happens we would explain it to the kids and try again.

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#19 of 27 Old 03-13-2006, 09:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, so much for waiting 5 months, lol. We ended up telling our boys this weekend, after we realized that they already pretty much knew. They are excited, and both say that they want to nurse the baby on THEIR nipples (not sure if it's an offer of generosity, or if they don't want to share my nipples with a new baby ). We told them that the baby is still very, very, very tiny and that first we'll have spring, and all the leaves will grow on the trees, and then we'll have summer and go swimming at the beach, and then it will be fall, and all the leaves will fall off the trees and THEN the baby will be born. It is going to be a really long wait for them, so I'm trying my hardest to avoid talking about the baby with them too much right now. They don't seem at all stressed out, though, so that's a relief (I know some kids start having regression as soon as they know there's a sibling on the way). I think they probably are glad that we're just being upfront with them since they sensed something was going on, and that was probably a little stressful.

Thanks for all who explained why it's fine (and great) to tell the kids right away. I'm glad we'll share this whole experience with them.

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#20 of 27 Old 03-13-2006, 08:42 PM
 
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We told the boys the same day I saw those two blue lines! They are almost 10 and 12 and very excited (oh, and I have a 12 month old oby too!).
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#21 of 27 Old 03-13-2006, 10:07 PM
 
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I told DS today (when I took the test). I was trying to call my best friend and let her know, and she wasn't answering her phone, so I was jumping up and down in excitement, waiting to tell her... And DS started jumping up and down too (ok, bouncing - he doesn't actually jump yet). I pointed to my tummy and said there was a baby in there, and he said "baby", which like a PP's son, is one of the few words he actually says (besides animal sounds!). So he said "baby" several times. I don't think he has ANY clue what's going on, but I do think it's a good to tell them.

A friend of mine had a miscarriage, and her daughter was 2.5 and knew about the baby and knew about the miscarriage. When mommy was going around all sad and depressed, it was important that the daughter knew WHY mommy was so sad. She just told her daughter "Mommy is sad right now, but she'll get better". Later, when the daughter saw her, she said "Mommy sad. She'll get better". That made the mom feel alot better, and the child understood that it wasn't anything the child did that made her sad!

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#22 of 27 Old 03-14-2006, 03:25 AM
 
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I told my boys this weekend.. my 9 year old asked me if I could please have a baby sister this time (if it was that easy hun!) and my 6 yr old said "kewl"

my 4 year old, who is my "baby" just looked at me funny and said "im the baby..." Soo.. that ones going to take some work.. lol
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#23 of 27 Old 03-16-2006, 09:00 AM
 
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I just got my BFP this morning (like about 30 min ago lol)!!!!
and I told the boys right away...
I told ds#1 that first the leaves have to grow on the trees, then the sumer will come, then the leaves will fall and the baby will be here after Halloween...
It will be still a long time...
He looked at me quite intensely and then said...
but mommy....
I have to get lots and lots of Candy

we'll leve it like that for now...

 
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#24 of 27 Old 03-16-2006, 09:16 PM
 
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I tested Tuesday and called dh at work to tell him. We agreed to not spread the news for a while--probably 3 months.

Wednesday morning, we woke the kids up to tell them.

The reason we considered waiting was that my last pregnancy ended in a miscarriage and I really didn't want to put them through that again, but then I realized that there was no way I could have hidden the m/c from them anyway. So, if it happened again, I'd be in a position of having to tell them about the m/c AND explain to them why they didn't know about the baby in the first place. Plus, it just didn't feel right to keep such big news from them.

Anyway, they're all happy about it.

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#25 of 27 Old 03-16-2006, 11:48 PM
 
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I sort of wanted to wait to get my blood test results back but we ended up telling her this evening anyhow. She said that she wants to rock the baby to sleep and put the baby in her bed with her. She's such a sweetie. She's wanted a baby for so long too.
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#26 of 27 Old 03-17-2006, 04:54 PM
 
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I"m on a mainstream ddc, also, and most of the mamas on there are waiting til the end of the first trimester to tell everyone. I never waited, even after all my m/c. It just seemed that everyone would be able to sense that we were sad and would want to know why.

Happy Homesteading Homeschooling Homebirthing Beekeeping Dready (& a bit redneck even) Mama to 4 fab kids :  dd (23), dd (13), ds (11), dd (5)

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#27 of 27 Old 03-23-2006, 10:26 AM
 
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