When I wrote the last message, I had just returned from the hospital and was having a bit of a panic atttack. I am not so afraid anymore. I found a website full of molar pregnancy stories and most of the women seemed to go on to have healthy babies at some point.
I was reluctant to go to the hospital in the first place, even though my mother kept urging me to over the phone. I wanted to believe that the discharge was just some persistent spotting, it was never profuse or red. I was terrified of finding myself in the same position that I was in last fall, when I found out I had a blighted ovum. Not just the news that a wanted pregnancy was not to reach fruition...but watching the doctors face view the tv screen as he moved the ultrasound wand around my cervix. The mechanical chair, suspended five feet off the ground...my bottom exposed and my legs shaking. I know the Japanese words used for difficult situations, when the doctor sucks on his teeth because there is nothing good to say. Fighting not to let my emotions spill over, so we can all get through the examination.
I chose to forgo the d&c last time and miscarried on my own, despite the doctor's misgivings. I bled for a 6 weeks, but felt empowered by my decision. Feeling my womb empty of all that blood made the pregnancy valid to me, and helped me cycle through all that energy I was directing towards a new baby. I don't feel I have that option this time, but I am prepared for that. I feel fortunate in that the doctor and staff at our local hospital are extremely kind, there is no indifference, just sympathy.
Thank you all so much for replying to my desperate words. Loving energy to you and your growing babies.