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#1 of 8 Old 06-26-2006, 12:22 PM - Thread Starter
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Please don't read if you are very sensitive to negative... thoughts?
ThiPlease don't read if you are very sensitive to negative... thoughts?
This could be a trigger for you.. I'm sorry...
Long but I would appreciate some support/thoughts etc…

Since the beginning of this pregnancy I’ve been worried. Now I’m a natural worrier so I didn’t think much of it. I kept thinking I would miscarry etc… well so far obviously I haven’t.
With my 2nd DS I had a homebirth and a very hands off midwife. I loved it, the birth went great (long but great) and I had only 1 test for gest. Diabetes which my midwife recommends. A few things have changed since his birth…

1 my midwife is now illegal so unless another midwife comes to get her license (which there is a plan to happen before this babe is due) then it could easily just be her assistant at the birth. (midwife works ER and can’t guarantee to be at the birth). I’m not comfortable with this. We are friends but she is not qualified. Now please don’t get me wrong, I know some of you are going Unassisted and I think that’s awesome bur just not for me right now.

Anyway I have been wanting to get an ultrasound with this pregnancy to ease my fears. I didn’t have one with my last DS and honestly felt totally comfortable with that decision and never once desired to have one. Well this time is different I’m terrified of loosing this baby. I mean scared… really scared. I’m having a hard time knowing if its me being overly paranoid or if there is truly something ‘wrong’. The tricky part is my DH, he is so against me getting an U/S. I’m so frustrated, while we do see eye to eye on A LOT I’m disappointed that he isn’t validating my fears, if that makes sense.
I can see both sides but I have no idea what to do. I’m not sure what an ultrasound will achieve… but I can’t help thinking ‘what if….’ like what if the babe has a heart condition and will have trouble breathing on its own… and it dies because I didn’t have proper medical help close by.

I have never really had doubts before about homebirth. I just don’t know what I’m going through…. Is this normal? Sometimes I wonder if its because I already have 2 beautiful boys and am just ’too lucky’ does that make any sense? In saying that though no matter what happened with this baby I would love it no matter what. I know that…
*sigh* I’m really stressed about this. s could be a trigger for you.. I'm sorry...

Amanda, wife to Ed mama to Logan, Phoenix, Indigo and snuggle bunny EZRA RAIN has arrived
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#2 of 8 Old 06-26-2006, 12:38 PM
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I am sorry that you are so worried and that your DH doesn't see the ultrasound the same way. I am also a worrier and I will be having an ultrasound this Wednesday. I didn't want it at first (for a long time) but I need something to help me be okay and I would like to be prepared if something is wrong. This is my first baby so it is a little different in that I am not sure what to expect along the way.

Are you thinking about trying to find another midwife?
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#3 of 8 Old 06-26-2006, 01:02 PM
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Do what you need to do to feel good. I think you should get the U/S if it will make you feel better about this pregnancy. Why is he so against it? Fear of possible risks of U/S? It's interesting but inconclusive. What would you do differently if you found out something was wrong? Hospital birth? Are you comfortable with another home birth? There's no judgement in your decisions-- it's about where YOU feel safe not about having a home birth or hospital birth. Remember that. You don't have any other midwife options in your area? You have plenty of time to find one...

I do understand. I've had some stress with this pregnancy as well (#2 for me) but you need to find your own path to enjoying this magical time. OK?
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#4 of 8 Old 06-26-2006, 03:43 PM
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I had a lot more anxiety about there being something "wrong" with the baby this time too. I had some of the same thought process of thinking I was already so lucky to have two healthy kids, and just didn't feel as sure about this health of this baby as I did about the health of my babies last time I was pregnant (which is not to say that I didn't worry last time, I just worried about different things). Because we are planning a homebirth, and we live a very good distance from the hospital, I too, decided that I wanted to have an ultrasound to make sure the baby didn't have a condition that would be better taken care of at a hospital birth. I knew that if I had any worries about this during labor, it would probably interfere with the birth.

We just had our ultrasound last week and the baby looked GREAT. I don't like the experience of having ultrasounds (definitely had too many last pregnancy because of the twins thing), and I really don't think babies like them either (mine always seem like they're trying to get away/shield themselves), but this ultrasound we just had did really great things for my experience of this pregnancy. I really like knowing the sex, and dw LOVES knowing the sex and seeing that there is actually a real baby in there. She hadn't really been paying attention to this pregnancy before the ultrasound, but now she's totally into it. And I LOVE knowing that this baby has all the right organs in all the right places and that the placenta and cord look great, etc. If something had looked worrisome, then I wouldn't have had an amnio, but I would have considered having a hospital birth depending on what the issue was.

I really feel like this is your body and your decision, I'm sorry that your dh can't see it from your point of view. I hope he comes around.


Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 6, 7, 8, 10, 12 & 12) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#5 of 8 Old 06-26-2006, 03:57 PM
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I'm planning a homebirth as well and also decided to ease my mind I wanted to know everything was alright with baby. I too felt it may interfere with birthing if I was worried. I think your dh needs to respect that fear.
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#6 of 8 Old 06-27-2006, 12:31 AM
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I'm an anti-ultrasound mama... I don't believe that their safety has been proven over the long-term.

That being said, I believe there is a time and a place for intervention. When I was 13 weeks along, didn't have *any* symptoms (didn't even have to get up to pee until the night I turned 13 weeks)... I went to my doctor - same one I had last time with no u/s, lots of refused tests, etc. It was a regular prenatal, but I told her that if she couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler, I wanted an ultrasound. I think that scared her a little because she knew how much I was opposed to testing. Thankfully, she found the heartbeat and that was that.

But if I were in your shoes, I would probably want to get the ultrasound. Have you tried explaining to your husband the connection between a "good" labor/birth and mama being relaxed and comfortable with her surroundings? If you're going to be worried that there's something wrong with the baby the whole time, your chance of hospital transfer is going to sky-rocket!

If it's any consolation, I, too, have been worried about this pregnancy this time - as it seems many in our DDC are. I'm wondering if it's because we've seen so many mamas come and go with miscarriage - even late miscarriage? I don't know, but please do what is going to make you most comfortable with your birth experience... even if that means going for a test that you normally wouldn't get.
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#7 of 8 Old 06-27-2006, 10:47 PM
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I have been having weird feelings about something being wrong too, but I think it is due to my feeling so much sicker than I did during my last pregnancy when I was a picture of perfect health. With that said, I appreciate your dh being worried about the U/S risks, but really, your intuition is a powerful thing and should not be ignored. I also agree with what the pp said about how your fears may interfere with your labor. If I were you, I would get the U/S with or without dh's support. It is YOUR body and you know best!!

homebirthing organic mama to three crazy boys very blessed!!
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#8 of 8 Old 06-28-2006, 09:10 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks mama's...
Sometimes I'm ok with everything and other times I'm just terrified.

To the person who suggested looking for another midwife as far as I'm aware she is the only one in the area. Well I think there might be another but she is illegal....

We've talked a bit more about it (Dh and I) I think I have to get over that fact that he will ever be 'ok' with it. I'm just frusterated....

I'm going to try and get ahold of my midwife and she what she says...
thanks again

Amanda, wife to Ed mama to Logan, Phoenix, Indigo and snuggle bunny EZRA RAIN has arrived
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