Frusterated with my friends. - Mothering Forums

Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 06-27-2006, 02:53 AM - Thread Starter
mama2toomany's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: MN
Posts: 3,206
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
They all know the deal here.... they know i am a surrogate... that we are all happy and comfortable..

But when i told them about the ultrasound they say

"gay guys are going to raise twin girls?" then they laughed... it really hurt my feelings.

then one of my friends went on to say that the kids will be gay.... how stupid is that? these are girls i have known for years.

So I asked why then do the fathers have straight parents? if all gay kids come from gay parents?

And who cares if they grow up gay? its not something that is a problem or a desease... its a choice.

ugh! i can't believe how backward people can be.

then one of my friends brings up church.... arn't i a lutheran? yep.... whats my paster have to say about this?

Actually my pastor gave me and my husband his blessings.... he thinks it is wonderful....

its funny how when this started all i heard was encouragement... now after months of medication... u/s and everything they chose to pop in with the hurtful comments.

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
mama2toomany is offline  
Sponsored Links
#2 of 7 Old 06-27-2006, 07:36 AM
sunshine*girl's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Stockholm, Sweden orig NS, Canada
Posts: 228
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sorry your friends are being so insensitive. But I'm guessing they just don't know what to think now. Because at the beginning it was just a thought, something that was going to happen. And now they can see the changes in your body and it is becoming "real" to them. And let's be honest, we all say some pretty dumb things when we are a bit uncomfy or faced with something completely new and unfamiliar. I would put it down to that instead of thinking your friends are consciously trying to be hurtful.

I think being a surrogate is a wonderful, selfless, generous act but I cannot even imagine what kind of things might fly out of my mouth if one of my friends decided to do it. I do have a tendency to occasionally completely bypass that filter between brain and mouth. :

Maybe you should just tell your friends that they hurt your feelings and if they don't have something constructive or positive to say about the situation they should keep their comments to themselves.
sunshine*girl is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 06-27-2006, 09:50 AM
BabyBumblebee's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: under a shedding maple tree
Posts: 1,606
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry that your friends reacted this way; to be honest it sounds a little bit as though their responses are grounded in a bit of classic ignorance; the idea that gay parents can't raise straight kids is pretty ingrained in a lot of people, sadly...and my goodness, so what? I don't know what my dd's gender identity will be, and I'm straight (well, mostly )...

I'm proud of you, fwiw.

BabyBumblebee is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 06-27-2006, 01:40 PM
midwestmeg's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Central MN
Posts: 1,662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I, personally, think you are amazing. What you're doing is really what love is all about. You're giving a wonderful gift.... It's too bad that your friends can't see that- but we do!

You go, mama!

Megan~ mama to Cecilia (9/1/04) Carl (11/19/06) Vivian (9/10/09) & spring 2011 baby.
midwestmeg is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 06-27-2006, 01:53 PM
LavenderMae's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 12,213
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Their comments are infruitating and sad. I think it's sad that some people think being gay is such a bad thing and something you'd want to prevent (as if) at any cost. My kids sexuality is their own , it's not about me. I only hope I raise them in an environment where they are able to express their sexuality and grow into it in a healthy way!
This reminds of something my dd told me the other day. She had her first sleep over away from home a couple of weeks ago and it was a slumber party. Her and the other girls were playing barbies (I know yuck) and I guess there were either no Kens or only one so my dd said the baby could of course have two moms and one of the little girls said no you can't have two moms. My dd said she was confused and wasn't sure what to say. Then she asked me if the other girl didn't know what a lesbian was. I said maybe not, my dd just didn't get it.
Anyway, I think you are doing a beautiful thing!!

LavenderMae is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 06-27-2006, 04:25 PM
Caroline P's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 241
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
are full of stupid comments and advice about things they know NOTHING about. What you are doign is so selfless and incredible. You should be really proud of yourself. Those comments are hurtful and you have every right to tell them they are. I too got lots of hurful comments when we were going through our years of dealing with fertility challenges....the old "why don't you just adopt" was my fav (not). Anyway, I finally learned that people have NO clue what to say when they are not in the situation and their comments were more hurtful than anything else. You will learn to ignore them or tell them you don't want to hear it. Good luck with that, for what its worth, you are doing an amazing thing.
Caroline P is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 06-30-2006, 04:21 PM
lexbeach's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Northampton, MA
Posts: 5,038
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mama. I'm sorry your friends are uneducated about gay and lesbian parents. It really is such an amazing thing that you're doing.

We are two moms raising two boys (and about to add another boy to the mix), and I can definitely imagine that we would get some negative comments about this if we lived in a less open-minded place. As is, we still do get questions about who the boys' "male role models" are since, being boys, they need to have them. I always point out that I would think it were just as important for girls to have men in their lives as it is for boys. We do not have specific "male role models" for our kids, but they are naturally exposed to many great men in our lives. I'm sure your surro-baby girls will have plenty of exposure to great women as well.

Originally Posted by mama2toomany
And who cares if they grow up gay? its not something that is a problem or a desease... its a choice.
Just to clarify, it's generally believed that sexual orientation is NOT a choice, but that lesbian and gay people are born lesbian or gay. The only choice involved is choosing whether or not to be who you are, or to try to hide it and pretend to be straight.


Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 6, 7, 8, 10, 12 & 12) in a small house with a lot of love.
lexbeach is offline  

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 8,435

6 members and 8,429 guests
jamesmorrow , manyhatsmom , NaturallyKait , Springshowers , transpecos , transylvania_mom
Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 12:21 PM.