Someone in another community I'm in posted these. Thought I'd bring them over here, too...
Top Ten List for People Who Aren't the Pregnant Couple
1) The appropriate response to a couple telling you they are having a baby is "Congratulations!" with enthusiasm. Any other response makes you a jerk.
2)Through the wonders of science, we now know that babies are made ONLY by the mother and father - not grandparents. Unless the baby is in your uterus or you are the man that helped put it there, you may not everuse the phrase "my baby".
3) On the same note, unless you made the baby as defined in #2, the pregnancy, birth and raising of the child are not about you. You do not have input. No one wants to hear your opinion unless they ask for it.
4) The body of a pregnant women should be treated the same as any other body. You would not randomly touch someone's stomach if they were not pregnant, nor would you inquire into the condition of their uterus, cervix or how they plan to use their breasts. Pregnancy does not remove all traces of privacy from a woman.
5) Likewise, no women wants to hear comments on her weight - ever. A pregnant woman does not find it flattering that you think she is about is pop, must be having twins, looks swollen or has gained weight in her face. Telling her she looks too small only makesher worry that she is somehow starving her baby. Making such commentsinvite her to critique your physical appearance and you may not actoffended. The only acceptable comment on appearance is "You lookfabulous!".
6) By the time we are 20-30 years old, most of us have picked up on the fact that the summer is hot. We are hot every summer when we are not pregnant. We don't need you to point out that we will be miserably hot before the baby comes.
7) There is areason that tickets to L&D are not yet sold on Ticketmaster. Childbirth is actually not a public event. It may sound crazy, but some women really do not relish the idea of their mother, MIL or a host of other family members seeing their bare butt and genitals. Also, some people simply feel like the birth of their child is a private and emotional moment to be shared only by the parents.
8) Like everything else is life, unless you receive an invitation, you are NOT invited. This includes doctor appointments, ultrasounds, labor, delivery, the hospital and the parents home. You do not decide if you will be there for the birth or if you will move in with the new parents to "help out". If your assistance is desired, rest assured that you will be asked for it.
9) If you are asked to help after the birth, this means you should clean up the house, help with cooking meals, and generally stay out of the way. Holding the baby more than the parents, interfering with breastfeeding and sleeping schedules and making a woman who is still leaking fluid from multiple locations lift a finger in housework is not helping.
10) The only people entitled to time with the baby are the parents. Whether they choose to have you at the hospital for the birth or ask for you to wait three weeks to visit, appreciate that you are are being given the privilege of seeing their child. Complaining or showing disappointment only encourages the parents to include you less.
Ten Things They Forgot to Tell You in Sex Ed Class
Your belly is bigger, your behind is bigger, your breasts are bigger, your hair is suddenly curly, you can't remember why you sat down at the computer while holding a toothbrush, and you can burp the national anthem...hmmmmm...you must be pregnant!!
1. Is that a speck of DUST I see???
Asyour baby's birthday draws closer, you may find yourself cleaning cupboards or washing walls - things you never would have imagined doing in your ninth month of pregnancy! This desire to prepare your home is called the nesting instinct and can be useful because it will give you more time to recover and nurture your baby after the birth. Please be careful not to overdo it - as in DO NOT try to ROOF the house at this point!!
***NOTE to Husbands: If your wife comes to you at this point and asks you to move the living room furniture into the bathroom- don't argue, just smile and say, "sure hon.".***
2. Why did I come in this room?
In the first trimester, fatigue and morning sickness can leave you feeling worn out and mentally fuzzy. However, even well-rested, "un-pukey" moms may experience an inability to concentrate and periods of forgetfulness. Battle this forgetfulness by making lists to help you remember dates and appointments OR just lay in bed and eat bon bons (high protein ones of course) til you go into labor!!
3. 10 months of Manic/Depression
Your breasts are swollen and tender, your hormones fluctuate, and you feel moody - are you pregnant or premenstrual??? Mood swings can make you go from feeling happy one minute to feeling like crying the next. They are incredibly common during pregnancy, although they tend to occur more frequently in the first trimester and toward the end of the third trimester. Ask us how Calcium and Magnesium can help you out!
About 10% of pregnant women experience depression during pregnancy. If you have symptoms such as sleep disturbances, changes in eating habits (a complete lack of appetite or an inability to stop eating), and exaggerated mood swings for longer than 2 weeks, you should let your care provider know.
4. VA VA VA VOOM!
Breasts usually become swollen and enlarged in the first trimester because of increased levels of the hormones estrogen and progesterone. Your breasts might even continue to grow throughout the ENTIRE pregnancy!
In addition to the size of your breasts, your bra size may be affected by your rib cage. When you're pregnant, your lung capacity increases so you can take in extra oxygen for yourself and the baby, which may result in a bigger chest size. You may need to replace your bras several times over the course of your pregnancy.
5. Is That a PIMPLE??
You may experience many skin changes during pregnancy due to hormones.
Some women develop brownish or yellowish patches called chloasma, or the"mask of pregnancy," on their faces. And some will notice a dark line on the midline of the lower abdomen, known as the linea nigra, as well as hyperpigmentation (darkening of the skin) of the nipples, external genitalia, and anal region. These are the result of pregnancy hormones,which cause the body to produce more pigment. The body may not produce this increased pigment evenly, however, so the darkened skin may appearas splotches of color. Unfortunately, chloasma can't be prevented, but wearing sunscreen and avoiding UV light can minimize its effects.
Acne is common during pregnancy and newly formed pimples might not be the only evolving spots on your face or body - moles or freckles that you had prior to pregnancy may become bigger and darker. Except for the darkening of the areola, which is usually permanent, these skin changes will likely disappear after you give birth.
Pregnancy can be an itchy time for a woman. Skin stretching over the abdomen may cause itchiness and flaking. We can recommend creams to soothe dry or itchy skin.
6. Hair, Hair, Long, Beautiful Hair!
When you are pregnant, you may find hair in unwanted places, such as on the face or belly or around the nipples. Your hair may change in texture, it may become drier or oilier, grow faster and fall out less - it might even change color! But these changes usually aren't permanent; most women lose a LOT of hair in the postpartum period or after they stop breastfeeding.
Nails, like hair, can also change during pregnancy. They may grow faster and become stronger or they may split and break more easily during pregnancy. But also like hair, these changes are not usually permanent.
7. Just Buy Socks.
Even though you can't fit into any of your pre-pregnancy clothes, you still have your shoes, right? Maybe - but maybe not. Because of the extra fluid in your body, wearing slip-on shoes in a larger size might be more comfortable for you, especially in the summer months. Or just buy some cute socks - that's my solution!!
8. I've fallen and I can't get up!
During pregnancy, your body produces a hormone known as relaxin, (not to be confused with a spa treatment which would be "relaxing"). This hormone loosens the ligaments in your body, making you less stable and more prone to injury. It's easy to over stretch or strain yourself, especially the joints in your pelvis, lower back, and knees. When exercising or lifting objects, go slowly and avoid sudden, jerky movements.
9. Please pass the prunes!
Hemorrhoids - varicose veins in the rectum - frequently occur during pregnancy.Because your blood volume has increased and your uterus puts pressureon your pelvis, the veins in your rectum may enlarge into grape-like clusters. Hemorrhoids can be extremely painful, and they may bleed, itch, or sting, especially during or after a bowel movement.
Constipation is common throughout pregnancy because hormones slow the rate at which food passes through the gastrointestinal tract. During the later stages of pregnancy, your uterus may push against your large intestine, making it difficult for waste to be eliminated.
The best way to combat constipation and hemorrhoids is to prevent them. Eating a fiber-rich diet and drinking plenty of fluids daily will help you eliminate more easily. Stool softeners (not laxatives) may also help.Regular exercise can help keep bowel movements regular as well.
Varicose veins, which are usually found in the legs and genital area, occur when blood pools in veins enlarged by the hormones of pregnancy. Varicose veins often disappear after pregnancy, but you can lessen them by:
avoiding standing or sitting for long periods of time
wearing loose-fitting clothing
wearing support hose
elevating your feet when you sit
Don't be embarrassed by any of these conditions - we strive to help you and we are committed to ALL the changes pregnancy and childbirth bring! Please ALWAYS feel free to ask questions!!
10. Did THIS come out of ME???
Only one in 10 mothers experience their waters' breaking before labor contractions begin. Some women never experience it. How much water can you expect? For a full-term baby, there are normally about 2.1 to 5.9 cups (500 to 1400 milliliters) of amniotic fluid. Some women may feel an intense urge to urinate that leads to a gush of fluid when their waters break. Others may have only a trickling sensation down their leg because the baby's head acts like a stopper to prevent most of the fluid from leaking out. In any case, amniotic fluid is generally sweet-smelling and pale or colorless and is replaced by your body every three hours, so don't be surprised if you continue to leak fluid, about a cup an hour, until delivery. Please give us a call if you believeyour water has broken - even if you are not having contractions.
Other unexpected things may come out of your body during labor - in addition to your baby, blood, and amniotic fluid. Some women experience nausea and vomiting. Others have diarrhea before or during labor, and flatulence (passing gas) is also common. During the pushing phase of labor, you may lose control of your bladder or bowels. We have seen it all! DO NOT be intimidated by what your body does during labor and delivery - it is ALL completely natural, normal and expected!!
those are excellent - I especially love the first list
I absolutely love the first list - as you may recall - given my issues w/ my MIL and her pushy, intrusiveness that list really hits home.
the lists are great.... I wish my MIL could read #2 on the first list! It drives me up the wall when she calls my dd HER baby. grrrrrr.