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#31 of 36 Old 09-13-2006, 01:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well, dh decided this morning that he is going to stay with a big "BUT a Lot has to change" and I agree that a lot has to change but it is my feeling that he things all the changing needs to come from me and that i was the source of all of this.... I am afraid that I will, in my fear of him changing his mind, let him dump some of this on me.... I am conscious that this is a possibility, so hopefully I won't cave, but I need some support and encouragement right now so that I don't make a big mistake..... thank you all for your support and advice so far....
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#32 of 36 Old 09-13-2006, 01:24 PM
 
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Im glad he is staying for your sake and your families. Its going to be a difficult conversation. Please do not let him pin all of the problems on you, saying you need to make all of the changes. Marriage is between two people, and it is about compromises. Both parties are expected to compromise. If you totally give in to his demands, I am afraid you may feel a lot of resentment towards him and create more problems down the road. I don't want to see you there. I hope that you two can talk openly about your feelings and what you both want out of your marriage. I hope that you can come to a fair compromise and neither of you have to pretend that you are someone that you aren't to make the other stay.
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#33 of 36 Old 09-13-2006, 04:23 PM
 
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Sounds to me like the whole thing was just a "scare tactic" on his part to get you to give in to what he wants and how he wants it. I think personally I would resent him for even pulling a stunt like this at a time like this. I hope you are able to work things through. Don't let him dictate to you how things are going to be out of fear of him leaving. I know you don't need me to tell you this, but a relationship that is completely one sided is NOT worth salvaging children or no children. It would be much better that a child be brought up in a single parent home than to be subjected to an unhealthy relationship. Remember, that is what they will base their future relationships on and how they will go about resolving issues themselves. I wish you the best of luck!
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#34 of 36 Old 09-13-2006, 05:06 PM
 
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I would try marriage counselling. Make it clear that the changes need to come from both of you and you are not willing to take all the blame out of fear of him leaving again. Good luck and I hope that with time, lots of communication and probably outside help you can get your marriage back on track!!

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#35 of 36 Old 09-13-2006, 05:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheacoby
I would try marriage counselling. Make it clear that the changes need to come from both of you and you are not willing to take all the blame out of fear of him leaving again. Good luck and I hope that with time, lots of communication and probably outside help you can get your marriage back on track!!
I totally agree about the counselling. I think the two of you could use some unbiased advice. If it's something not covered by your insurance or too costly sometimes churches have pastors that will counsel you. I don't know if that's something you would consider... it's just a thought. Pregnancy tends to bring the worst out in relationships sometimes. Maybe once the baby is born, there won't be as much tension. Good luck...
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#36 of 36 Old 09-13-2006, 11:39 PM
 
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So sorry that this is happening to you. You said your daughter said she was afraid of him and it sounds like he is manipulating you right now. Would you consider looking into a domestic violence helpline? Even if he is not violent, they will help you identify if he is being controlling and manipulative - they can also explain your rights and maybe help you find a lawyer if you need one (they often do pro-bono work for these kinds of situations). I hope I'm not making assumptions, I just wanted to put that information out there in case it helps you. I can help you find a hotline in your area if you are interested.

homebirthing organic mama to three crazy boys very blessed!!
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