We've tried pointing out friends of hers who have siblings and how they still spend time with their moms and dads, etc. I know DD is probably just worried about how things will change since she's been the only child for a lot longer than most kids are and she'll probably come around once the baby gets here, but does anyone have any advice? Anyone been in this situation?
Our seven year old, however, reverts between talking about it a tiny bit, and saying things like "I hate the newbaby." I try to validate his feelings and let him know that it is OK not to be excited, but that the baby is coming anyway and that he'll probably like it at some point. We talk about how I didn't want my brother to be born when i was a kid and now we are great friends, that sort of stuff. He also said he was afraid I might love the new baby more than him. I try very hard to reassure him every chance I get, but it can be very trying for all of us. I am just praying that once baby comes things will fall into some sort of routine that we can all live with. So I have no real advice, but I can commiserate with you.
whew, that could've turned into a huge vent...: !!!
Originally Posted by jake's mom
Ugh, I especially hate the 'mistake' question or comment, even when it's posed as a joke.
as for my ds - he is hangling new baby very good so far, he needs to give up one of his rooms (he has 2 rooms now - playroom and a bedroom). He is participating in decorations and even suggested and dad and him will handle night-time baby waking up since "I will be tired". He is too old to be a playmate for a new baby, but he is looking forward to be 12 and babysit the baby for an extra money "in case dad and you want to go to the theather".
However, at the same time he thinks that "pregnancy is not fun" since I can not bike, or play tennis and I have to make a shots daily and my back is hurting. He is old enoght to undestand what I am going trough since it is affects him.
He did ask me not to take him to the hospital when the baby will be born since someone (his friend - amazing what 9-year old talk about themself) told him that there might be blood and he does not want to see blood. He said that he will come to visit us once the baby is born.
I think your daughter will adjust perfectly once the baby is here. By the way, just b/c they are spaced out doesn't mean they won't fight!!!! Mine seems to fight even more than siblings that are closer in age...maybe it's just their personalities though.
My seven year old isn't thrilled about a new baby. He's fine with it but I figure he has more important things to think about.
Boys: 12/94, 1/99, 11/03, 6/11. Girls: 11/06, 10/09, 12/12
I used the 'this is YOUR baby' angle with dd...as if we will support HER in raising the baby--she has her responsibility and it is SHE that will need to love and comfort and teach the baby...
Probably wouldn't work for older kids tho...
I do think most kids 'come around' after the newness of it wears off!
I also know that the kid who is in love with the idea of a new baby may show lots of agression once the baby arrives!
I was 6.5 when my brother was born. It is just he 2 of us. I remember how frustrated I was that he got so many presents and so much attention and I felt really left out. Someone gave me a huge doll that I still have. I loved it so much and it was so special to me. Also mom let me tast her breastmilk (expressed in a cup) I thought it was pretty disgusting and didn't feel leftout about the nursing thing after that. I would have liked to have more 1 on 1 time scheduled w/ mom but dad worked long hours (that is what i really remember needing though)
My brother and I are best friends today. He moved near us after ds1 was born so that he could be closer to his nephew. We see him 4-5 times a week adn he was at the birth of ds2 and helped dh cut the cord. We have an awesome relationship and are extremely close. We never were competitive as kids bcs we were so far apart and that was a good thing.
As I got used to the idea of having him around I enjoyed the spacing and having a little brother.
I am sureyour dd will come to love and appreciate the baby. Just make sure you give her plenty of time for her and give her presents when the little one is born. (Maybe the baby can bring her something.)
nicole , mom to 3 boys here on earth 9, 7 and 4.5 and 2 girl's 2.5 and 10/16/11. Always remembering my babies in heaven: Sam (9/7/05) at 12.5 wks , Morgan (2/13/06) at 6 wks , Emeric (8/9/10 at 17 wks) and Pepper (11/26/10) at 8wks.
I also am annoyed by people who assume that having kids this far apart was "unplanned" or a "surprise". It's almost as if they cannot understand why some people make the choice to have kids further apart than the traditional 2-3 years. We have been lucky to have gotten pregnant very quickly and, the last two times, only when we planned it (DD was a bit of a surprise and I had one m/c late last year) so for us, it's been quite the opposite.
My DD will be almost 14 when my DS is born!!! At first, she was devastated. She cried and cried and it was NOT a fun time. She told me she was scared I'd forget about her when the baby came. Once she realized that I would NEVER do that..and ALWAYS love her...she very quickly warmed up to the baby idea..and now she's borderline obsessed!! She's always looking at baby things and wanting to buy bibs and socks, etc. She has an ultrasound pic hanging on her bedroom wall. She even picked out his name :-) It's really awesome. I'm sure a lot of her reaction is because she IS so much older.....so she's almost a little mother hen, in a way. I wish you the best of luck...
Even those children that are apprehensive about a new sibling will eventually come around. Just make sure they are shown just as much attention and not made to feel left out.
I think that our timing is actually working out pretty darn well. I had not wanted closely spaced children, but 3 years would have been fine for me. But dd just started kindergarten a couple of weeks ago so now I will have at least 3-4 hours a day to spend alone with the new baby. I think that will help, and it is great when I feel like crap or am exhausted, which is most of the time.
DS#1 is 9
DS#2 is 7
but DD is further apart and is 20 months old