It is not your baby!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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OK... I know that this has already came up a while back but I am so tired of hearing it!!

I want my mom to stop reffering to MY kids as hers!!! When she calls she asks me how "her babies" are... they are NOT yours!! they are mine... she sees them once every 2-3 months!! Call them the boys, the kids... whatever!!! but they are not your babies!!!

Now she wrote on her MSN message "just a few weeks until MY 3rd!!" it annoys me so much... I told her and she just laughed and said "what should I say then" I said "just say 3rd grandbaby or something and it will be OK"... then she just laughed and said... "that is that I am saying... my 3rd":

AHHHHHHH!!!!!

 
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#2 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 10:46 AM
 
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That would annoy me too. I think my mom knows better.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#3 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 11:53 AM
 
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ok, that's just plain annoying - and RUDE! I *think* my mum knows better than to say that....I couldn't guarantee what I'd say if she did :
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#4 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 12:36 PM
 
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I hear ya Paxye!!! My mom is the exact same way! She drives me nuts with everything she does though...which is sad to say about my mother but if you knew our history you would understand.....she was never a mother to me or my sister but I tell you she sure tries to be a mother with my kids...making up for lost time I guess. Her time as a mother has passed and now she needs to be a grandmother!! The worst part of it all is that she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong!! : : :
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#5 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saskmom
I hear ya Paxye!!! My mom is the exact same way! She drives me nuts with everything she does though...which is sad to say about my mother but if you knew our history you would understand.....she was never a mother to me or my sister but I tell you she sure tries to be a mother with my kids...making up for lost time I guess. Her time as a mother has passed and now she needs to be a grandmother!! The worst part of it all is that she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong!! : : :
I have a bad history with my mom too... she wasn't a mom to me neither. The problem is that she puts on a show with everyone and makes the believe that she was the best mom and now that she is the best grandmother and that the only reason that she doesn't see the kids often is because we live far... (even though she visits a friend a bit further than me and passes through another town about 15 minutes away...
Anyways... I just hate the wording and what she is trying to portray with it... we have issues... does it show?

 
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#6 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 01:07 PM
 
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I hear ya. It drives em nuts when they say "nana's boy" or my MIl will say her littel boy and refer to Ds as that/ he corrects her and says "No I'm mommy's littel boy, Daddy WAS your littel boy then he growed up" (makes me bust a gut when he says it! LOL) Maybe they just want to fel like they have a baby again! Who knows.. but it is annoying!
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#7 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 02:15 PM
 
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My MIL used to do this, too. Finally stopped when she asked where "her baby" was (SIL was holding DS in the living room, DH was upstairs) and I said "He's upstairs with James (BIL)." I think that finally got the point across that DH is her baby and DS is mine.
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#8 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 03:01 PM
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My mom is the same way. I find it annoying.

 
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#9 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 09:19 PM
 
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My mom does this once in a while too. She sees my dd a cpl times a year. Not sure how she got to be *her* baby. <grumble> I have let it slide so far, but I may bring it up at some point. I’m not sure why she doesn’t just say “kiss my grandbaby for me” instead of “kiss my baby for me.” Uh, I’m her baby.
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#10 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 09:23 PM
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both my mom and my MIL are the same way
Nothing you can really do about it but smile and nod and pray they dont attack you in a fit of insanity....
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#11 of 29 Old 09-13-2006, 11:44 PM
 
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You poor thing! I totally understand! My mom will "accidentily" refer to herself as MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to claw her eyes out when she does that!!! Grace was calling her "Mama" and occassionally "mommy".... I put an end to that REAL QUICK! We sat down with pictures and now she finally calls her GRANMA..... THANK THE GOOD LORD!

(Of course, I can be a little fiesty!)

Good luck!

Tabitha happily married to Steven - Mama to 4 little ones and another on the way!
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#12 of 29 Old 09-14-2006, 01:47 PM
 
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My mom would never but MIL does this all the time and it drives me nuts. When ever she says it I start my sentence with "MY CHILD" or "MY BABY" to make it clear it is MINE not hers. So annoying.
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#13 of 29 Old 09-14-2006, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora114
Nothing you can really do about it but smile and nod and pray they dont attack you in a fit of insanity....
I think that she should be the one that is worried... hmmmm... aren't pregnant hormones a goo excuse for attacks of insanity?

 
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#14 of 29 Old 09-14-2006, 05:23 PM
 
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I haven't had any problems with this with my mother. Maybe it's because my siblings and I are really spread apart. I'm the oldest, and three of my siblings are still at home - including my 6 y.o. brother, who really is her baby!!
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#15 of 29 Old 09-14-2006, 05:32 PM
 
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my mom does the same thing, and it DRIVES. ME. CRAZY. I've told her to stop many, many times, but does she listen?!??! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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#16 of 29 Old 09-14-2006, 06:57 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huskermommy
You poor thing! I totally understand! My mom will "accidentily" refer to herself as MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to claw her eyes out when she does that!!!
Whoa, now that really takes the cake! Good for you for setting her right...I think I'd go stark raving mad if my dc called my mom "mama". Grrr....
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#17 of 29 Old 09-15-2006, 12:12 AM
 
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I suspect it's just old habits dying hard. I mean, I would LOVE to see if our daughters make the same complaints about us when we become grandmothers.
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#18 of 29 Old 09-15-2006, 01:58 PM
 
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I'm hoping I don't do anything like that when my children have their babies... I think my daughter would definitely have a problem with it! LOL! Of course she's not quite as fiesty as I am!!

Tabitha happily married to Steven - Mama to 4 little ones and another on the way!
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#19 of 29 Old 09-15-2006, 02:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I talked to my mom again about it and today when she called she said....


"how are the babies?" !!!

She still hasn't changed her MSN but I think that it was finally a step in the right direction...

I don't think that it was old habits that had any part in it... I think it was a way to make herself feel like she has a bigger place in their lives then she really does... (at least in our situation)

huskermommy: I would have gone CRAZY if my mom refered to herself as "mommy" but I don't think that could happen since I have never called her by anything else than her first name...

 
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#20 of 29 Old 09-15-2006, 02:50 PM
 
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This is funny. It mentions exactly what you are talking about.
Maybe you could email it to her??
:-)
http://www.blessedbirthservices.com/10things.htm
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#21 of 29 Old 09-15-2006, 06:07 PM
 
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Everybody in my family asks about "my baby," especially my mom, grandmothers and great-grandmother. I do consider her "their" baby in its only way. She's even named after my great-grandmother.

But I get along well with them, and I do feel like they are genuinely invested in mine and the babe's health and happiness, not just being controlling. She is "our" baby, and is loved and welcomed by a lot of people. I don't feel like they are hijacking my pregnancy birth. I'm touched that so many people care about her (and me). What a lucky girl!

I suspect it all depends on the original dynamic the comments are happening in.
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#22 of 29 Old 09-16-2006, 12:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Herausgeber
Everybody in my family asks about "my baby," especially my mom, grandmothers and great-grandmother. I do consider her "their" baby in its only way. She's even named after my great-grandmother.

But I get along well with them, and I do feel like they are genuinely invested in mine and the babe's health and happiness, not just being controlling. She is "our" baby, and is loved and welcomed by a lot of people. I don't feel like they are hijacking my pregnancy birth. I'm touched that so many people care about her (and me). What a lucky girl!

I suspect it all depends on the original dynamic the comments are happening in.


I think I'd feel this way if I heard the same comment from a family member... because I know that they're not saying it in a controlling way. OTOH if it did come from an over-posessive and controlling family member I think it would definitely rub me the wrong way. I'm not sure how it will pan out after babe is born, as in my culture grandparents tend to feel a lot of ownership of their grandkids, especially the dad's parents.
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#23 of 29 Old 09-16-2006, 03:42 PM
 
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I have never heard anyone in this pregnancy call the babies there babies... not even the parents. But they call them one fist and two fish..... my mom always says "how are the fishes?" lol

Loving Dh, Mama x 4, Surrogate mother to 5. A born 2003, M and R girl/girl twins 2006, S and C boy/girl twins born 2010. Processing/healing.
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#24 of 29 Old 09-16-2006, 06:58 PM
 
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Ha. That's cute, actually. Right now, I don't think of my kiddo as much of a fishy, though. Her foot is jabbed into my ribs too often for that ...
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#25 of 29 Old 09-22-2006, 02:41 AM
 
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My MIL does this too. It bugs me terribly. She is a passive-aggressive witch, so I would prefer to have nothing to do with her. I do want my kids to have a relationship with her though, so I grit my teeth and try to put up with her though.

It's hard when she is always going on and on about "her little girl" or "her baby" though. And when she referred to her newest "baby" I nearly lost it. I've been sick and miserable for nearly 32 weeks for HER baby?!?!?!?!?!?!? I DON'T THINK SO! If she wants more kids at this point, she is welcome to go see the doc and work on it herself. I'm not gonna be her surrogate. She can kiss my *ss! :
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#26 of 29 Old 09-25-2006, 01:00 AM
 
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It's funny - I read this while we were visiting my ILs, and every now and then my MIL would slip and call herself mommy rather than oma. But she caught it immediately every time and corrected herself - and we get along really well, so I didn't take it personally ever.

To me (in our situation - not saying this about the passive-aggressive situations), it's just another case of getting the names of people confused - like when she calls my BIL by my husband's name, etc.
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#27 of 29 Old 09-25-2006, 10:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I can see how some families are close and them saying "my baby" won't bother them...
However, I think when the relationship with the person is at best rocky then them saying "my baby" is really an insult...
My mother wasn't a good mother... I hold a lot of resentment towards her especially since she doesn't recognize anything she di as being wrong and sees herself as a great mom...
When she says "my baby" it is an insult.. she is not a big part of our lives and she has no part in even helping me raise my children...
I am tired of being part of the show she puts on for her friends and I don't want her to do the same with my kids...

 
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#28 of 29 Old 09-25-2006, 01:37 PM
 
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I hope I didn't offend you, Paxye. I totally understand what you're saying about her trying to run the show now. I'd probably be pretty offended if my mom said that - we're okay-ish now, but never had the best relationship. Thankfully, she hasn't gone there.
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#29 of 29 Old 09-25-2006, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by gen_here View Post
I hope I didn't offend you, Paxye. I totally understand what you're saying about her trying to run the show now. I'd probably be pretty offended if my mom said that - we're okay-ish now, but never had the best relationship. Thankfully, she hasn't gone there.
Not at all!!

I was just saying that I understand completely why some people don't mind it...

ETA: and of course taking another chance to gripe against my mom...

 
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