Need to vent about DH!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 10-17-2006, 09:59 PM - Thread Starter
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Okay I just need to vent about DH and am curious about how things are going with eveyones DH', DW's, or DP's. My DH just doesn't seem to get that i am pregnant, he is and adult, and that we are going to have a baby here in 5 weeks or less. I have to say that he is very sweet and mostly emotionally supportive which is why I feel bad complaining but he acts as though he is completely incompetent when at home. Maybe I am expecting too much. We have each got our own lists of things to do before the baby comes. His includes pretty much only the things I can't physically do(ie. vacuuming because of my asthma, washing the walls...). He is working full-time so I know he is tired but he just does a half-ass job of everything. Also I am working 20 hours a week, am huge, and have done EVERYTHING to prepare for the baby. I asked him to clean around the toilet because I can't really bend down behind it and he cleaned the back half and left nasty, mildewing scum all around the front. Yes, technically I only said "can you clean behind the toilet" but I would think a man aged 25 with decent vision could figure out to clean at least the whole toilet if not maybe the whole bathroom floor. Then tonight as he was on his way out I asked where HE left the remote and he just said "you'll have to get up and look for it". I'm thinking "I'm giant, pregnant, and in pain AND you are already standing and are the one who lost the remote" AHH! I know I am ranting and probably sound petty but something like this happens daily. Am I crazy to be upset? I just figure if he is cable of being promoted to a manager at work he is able to complete tasks and prioritize without having someone hold his hand!!
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#2 of 7 Old 10-17-2006, 10:52 PM
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I'm sorry mama! but I unfortunitly can totally relate
In fact I had a vent about DH in my journal tonight :
I know I'm pregnant and probably nothing is good enough but... leaving dirty dishes in the den really pisses me off!! Esp since it happens sooooooo often.
Also having clothes on the floor in random places throughout the house doesn't make me happy either :
anyway you're not alone...
if only I had an answer!

Amanda, wife to Ed mama to Logan, Phoenix, Indigo and snuggle bunny EZRA RAIN has arrived
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#3 of 7 Old 10-18-2006, 01:09 AM
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Yeah...for some reason my dh has decided he can only do dishes on the weekends. : I'm still doing most of the cleaning. With the exception of two weekends ago when he started nesting. I was happy that day!
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#4 of 7 Old 10-18-2006, 01:17 AM
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I hear ya. don't get me wrong, I love my Dh and from what I hear from friends he is a stellar specimen of a man for all that he does (cooking and cleaning and what not) but we just moved into a new house in June and we've been doing renos since then. I'm due mid-next month and he has promised me he will do things like stain the doors and other wood work (things I can't really do safely). Ok, but when?? He's been saying it for months. We're down to the final 5 weeks here and I DO NOT want fumes in the house after the baby is born! I'm also trying to get the baby's room set up (ok, not such a big deal wich we will and the baby won't be in his/her room for quite some time) but he keeps thwarting me, it seems. This afternoon he tore appart a cabinet system that was attached to the wall and now there are splinters and screws, etc. all over the room, not to mention holes in the drywall. I wouldn't mind so much if I thought he'd actually complete the project in a timely manner.

I know I'm ranting, and I really do feel lucky to have him since he is so good to me and I know he'll be a wonderful dad... but sometimes I just want to slap him upseide the head.
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#5 of 7 Old 10-18-2006, 01:47 AM
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I'm laughing for a couple of reasons. First, I reread my pg journal recently from my dd's pg...and my dh got on my LAST nerve, seemed unsupportive at times, and just didn't "GET IT" when it came time to help me do stuff...This time around, he is deployed--and in MANY ways it is easier and less stressful since I don't have to ask repeatedly for stuff--or correct him etc.
No, Men in general (watch out, generalization coming!) don't see the big picture. You ask them to get the cobwebs off of the ceilings and they do ONE cobweb in the corner of the living room--and don't even THINK of the other rooms/other cobwebs. Hey, they did their job, they did what you asked...why are you nagging? hahaa I totally see where you are coming from--and it doesn't help matters that we have pg hormones going either!
As for them doing things like getting the remote--many men *my dh included* seem to think that if they do one little thing for us that they are superman--look at that, I'm a good helper! The reality is that we need and expect them to do these things all the time, but we get tired of asking for the help all the time. They are used to being asked, but if we ask too much then we are nagging.
This is why doulas are nice (neat transition eh?) don't have to ask...they just know what you want or need...why can't husbands be that in tune?
I envy all of the lesbian must be so nice to not have to nag nag nag someone to help you! I swear I'd marry a woman if I could talk myself into being a lesbian! I've often said I'd marry my chiropractor if she and I were lesbians, and we weren't married already! hahaha

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#6 of 7 Old 10-18-2006, 03:58 AM
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im sorry.. my DH sometime have his own days when he's not very helpful but other days he's awesome he'd run out and get my craving fixs it could be a specific burger or specific fresh made ice cream with the fixings I want
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#7 of 7 Old 10-18-2006, 12:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Mrs_Hos View Post

I envy all of the lesbian must be so nice to not have to nag nag nag someone to help you! I swear I'd marry a woman if I could talk myself into being a lesbian! I've often said I'd marry my chiropractor if she and I were lesbians, and we weren't married already! hahaha
Oh, Mrs_Hos, I never laughed so hard in my life!

May I come in on behalf of the good dads out there? My DH does a lot. He cleans up his mess, and mine, if needed. I do most of the cooking, but he watches DS in the meantime. He picks up DS from day care, shops if needed.... I might step on some toes here, but I think part of it is culture. It's not like I am doing the basics, and if he does something in the house he is doing something special. It just is. We are both part of the family unit, and need to contribute. I work, he works, so it is somewhat balanced. I am perfectly able to take out the trash, I don't think that has to be a mans job.....

Men are quite literal though. If you say clean the toilet, and there is a mess next to the toilet, they will not think to clean it up. They are not trying to bug you or do a lazy job, they just don't get it. I think women sometimes make the situation worse by then yelling at DH - why didn't you clean up the mess next to the toilet?.... Then DH doesn't want to help, because he feels he can't meet your expectations. Instead, "Thanks. looks good. Next time, would you also clean the area around it too, if it is dirty?" Now he feels good, and will probably do even more next time.

A few friends always complains that their DH never does any work. But their attitude is, well, it is easier if I just do it myself. And when they do help, the women complain that it isn't done the right way. This only makes the men want to do less, not more.

I appreciate what I've got. And that he can, of his own accord, tell me I have mail and watch DS for 10 minutes while I write this message.
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