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I want to apologize

3K views 11 replies 10 participants last post by  hopeful1 
#1 ·
I want to apologize for just dropping off the face of the earth and not saying bye or telling anyone what was going on.

Against everyone's advice and my better judgement, I allowed my doctor to induce me for my vbac. Needless to say, I am so sad that I didn't listen because my childbirth experience was horrible. Everything that could have gone wrong DID!

I went in to be induced on 11/20/06 at 6 am. The first nurse who checked my cervix (as soon as I got there... which I felt there was no need for) must have had the shortest fingers on earth and dug up in there so hard that she made me start bleeding... and I mean it was heavy... I was going through three bed pads per hour. Then they wanted to break my water... I was only 2cm dilated. I didn't want them to but eventually was bullied into it. They had my husband convinced it was for the best, so I was trying to argue with all of them and eventually just gave up. They immediately gave me an epidural even though I didn't even need one at the time. She said breaking my water would be painful since I was hardly dilated and I would need it. "Plus you won't feel the catheter", she says. Well, once I got the epidural it really spiralled down fast from there. The anesthesiologist did NOT know what he was doing... my epidural turned into a spinal because he went too far into the spine... and with a spinal you don't use as much anesthesia. Well, he apparently didn't realize how far in it was and gave me too much of the medicine.... about 2 mins. after administering it I started going into anaphylactic shock. Stopped breathing and passed out. When I woke up I had an oxygen mask on and my baby was having decels. My blood pressure went down to 70 over 35. It stayed that way for about an hour then eventually started to stabilize. As soon as it was within normal range they insisted I needed to go ahead with a c-sec since the baby wasn't recovering and they feared he would be in even more distress should I try to birth vaginally. I was really groggy and honestly didn't have any fight in me at all at this point. They wheeled me into the O/R and another anesthesiologist came in for the surgery. Well, she wasn't any brighter than the previous one because when they started cutting into my uterus I felt the whole thing and started screaming bloody murder. My doctor ordered a shot of lidocaine and they injected it directly into my uterus. From that point on I was numb. I don't remember much about during the surgery after that... I had to ask my husband if I even got to see the baby and what I said after seeing him. I went to recovery and they brought the baby to me immediately... I tried to hold him, but my arms and shoulders were so numb from all the medicine I'd been given that I was afraid I would drop him and had my husband take him.
But in the end, despite all the misery, I had a beautiful baby boy...
Ryan James, 7lbs., 2oz., 20 1/4". Healthy as a horse!!!! It was all worth it. But I am so mad at myself for not having listened to everyone's advice.

I'll try to post some pics of Ryan soon... I have to figure out how to do it
 
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#5 ·
Dear hopeful1, as the pp said, live and learn. Sounds like you really got the worst end of the stick, in all regards. And that does take time to get over. Talking from experience - you may regret some things for a long time, maybe forever, but it will soften over time, and that will help you to move on. You won't forget, but you will be able to concentrate more on what is important NOW - you and your relationship with DS and DH. Join us in Life with a babe.
 
#7 ·
Momma I sent you a PM because I had a lot to say! I just want to say forgive yourself, love yourself and your baby. You did the best you could at the time, and you really had your baby and your best health in mind. There was a lot of pressure on you, and for that I am sorry. I am so happy you and your son are healthy.
I wish you a softer journey and hope you have time to work on your healing journey. Focus on your beautiful son!
 
#11 ·
Congratulations on your healthy baby and I pray that you heal emotionally from the experience. It sounds like it was scary. I also wanted to mention that I'm almost positive that the first nurse with the short fingers "stripped your membranes" (when they run their fingers along your membranes, separating them from the uterine wall to bring on labor). That's why it hurt so much and why there was so much blood. (I had an OB do this to me at my 38 wk. appt., which I didn't know about, and found out later when talking to another OB.)
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by jee'smom View Post
Congratulations on your healthy baby and I pray that you heal emotionally from the experience. It sounds like it was scary. I also wanted to mention that I'm almost positive that the first nurse with the short fingers "stripped your membranes" (when they run their fingers along your membranes, separating them from the uterine wall to bring on labor). That's why it hurt so much and why there was so much blood. (I had an OB do this to me at my 38 wk. appt., which I didn't know about, and found out later when talking to another OB.)
OMG!!! I bet that IS what she did. I didn't even consider that.
Now I'm even madder..
:
I swear, I know "hate" is a strong word, but it describes perfectly how I feel about OB's and nurses right now.
 
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