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I feel terrible...

562 views 10 replies 11 participants last post by  amyandelle 
#1 ·
I seriously need to calm down and become a normal person again. I feel like I'm out of control.

I'm a WAHM and during the day it's ok but when DH gets home at night I totally freak out on him. And I feel so awful afterwards, he is so tired of hearing me complain! It makes me want to cry EVERY single night.

I can't seem to keep up the cleaning with this house. We just moved into our first home and all of the upkeep is overwhelming now. Yes, we have cleaning person but I don't always want to shell out the $.

I feel like I'm not giving 100% to DS, who is 2, and driving me crazy with his picky eating, general 2 year old high energy and behavior that is really normal but is driving me to the edge. I feel like I'm not enjoying being with him and it's so sad to me.

Worried about having 2 babies now. Will I be able to handle the workload?

But most of all I feel so bad that I'm alienating DH. Makes me cry just to write this. I can't seem to keep my feelings inside and explode all the time. Please tell me this will end!
 
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#2 ·
It WILL end, hon.
: Right now your burdens feel heavy but it won't always be this way. As for the upkeep of your home, have you ever tried the routines suggested by Flylady? I've been doing it for a few months now & it has been quite liberating! I feel SO much better about the condition of my home & the quality of time I get to spend with my kids instead of spending too much time stressed about the way my house looks & makes me feel. If you haven't checked it out, the website is www.flylady.net

Hope you feel better soon!
:

Shannon
 
#3 ·
Caroline -
's to you!! I feel the EXACT same way. I can't keep up with the hose or laundry lately, and I'm ready to strangle DH for the pure enjoyment of it (OK, that sounded really bad!). My 2 yr old suddenly thinks she's 10 with her attitude.

We can't afford a cleaning lady either, and my older kids help out a lot. But I hate having them do most of it. I do cry a lot, but it makes me feel better.

You're not alone when feeling that way
.
 
#4 ·
Oh honey it is so hard. You are doing two full time jobs at once, no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. Sometimes we can't to it all and that is OK.

For the house, it is OK to not keep up. On the weekend you guys can take two hours together and get a lot done. Maybe you can just focus on meals and taking care of DS during the week?

As far as your DH goes, have you been able to communicate that you can't keep up and are overwhelmed? How does that make you feel to admit that to him? How does he react? He is probably tired at the end of his day too. Maybe on week nights you guys can use the time to relax together and not focus on what needs to be done.

Your DS is at a really needy and hard age right now. It will get easier. Having a newborn is much easier compared to a 2 year old. They just need to nurse and be held. 2 year olds need so much more. You will do great with two.

I strongly urge you to release yourself from your obligation to keep up with your house. It can be a pigsty for most of the week, it is OK to have piles of laundry. As long as you have underwear and diapers right? Maybe you guys can eat pizza a few nights. I know it isn't really healthy, but it isn't healthy to be stressed either.

I think it is natural to feel overwhelmed when facing the addition of a new baby. I know right now I am feeling totally overwhelmed by the demands of my children. My brain knows that there will be a lot less of me left for myself in about 8 weeks and I think my reaction is to freak out and want to protect that. I think for you, with your feelings of being overwhelmed, and the huge amount that you are already doing, you should allow yourself some lazy time, maybe in the evenings with DH, even if your house goes to pot in the week. On Sat AM you can set a timer for an hour and a half and you can accomplish so much in that time to set things right.

I am sorry you are feeling bad, there aren't enough hours in the day are there? And the pace of our lives is just too fast, too much.

ND
 
#5 ·
CarrieK, I am so there with you. My house is a wreck. I feel like our lives are out of control and that it's all my fault. I can't keep up with our schedules and I lose important things in the chaos of the house. Finances are tight, I feel like I can't handle the kids I've got (8 and 6), and I'm having another one? What was I THINKING?

I think some of the key for me is to let go and not be afraid to ask for and receive help. We're lucky that we have family and friends in the area, and I need to ask them for help with projects around the house and line them up for cleaning and cooking help after the baby is born. So far I have not gotten up the courage (or whatever) to do this, because I don't like letting go of total autonomy.

Hang in there, it sounds like several of us are crying and losing it!
 
#6 ·
Oh goodness, this very same thing happened to me last night. Dh came home and I just lost it on him. We just moved into a new house too about 3 or 4 weeks ago. I'm still not completely unpacked and when people talk about what we have left to do before baby comes I want to, and do, cry because it is so overwhelming.

: I also have a 2, almost 3, year old who has become a real struggle for me, totally draining.

Schedule a bath or shower time for yourself at night and then just bawl your eyes out. And then don't feel guilty for being pregnant!
 
#7 ·
Can I join too???

Dd has had a nasty chest cold and *of course* I had to catch it. She's mostly better now, but I would jsut like to crawl under a rock and hide.
: My house is a disaster!!!! I can't even keep up with the dishes and the laundry. I've fed dd take out all week for dinner. I feel like a total loser as a mom.

I am 32 wek preg now and we will (hopefully) be moving across town to a new house before babe comes. I'll prob be about 36 weeks when we move. Just the thought of moving so close to when I'm due, is enough to put me in the nuthouse
: Not to mention that it will really suck to have a homebirth in a house that we haven't even unpacked yet!!!!
:
 
#8 ·
I second the checking out Flylady site... I love Flylady! I never really learned how to clean, growing up. And while I'm not doing it right NOW so much due to the remodel, I LOVE the idea that EVERY little bit of cleaning you do does count!!!! Even if it's only a tiny little bit! We don't have to be perfect all the time, and we can't be. It helps me to feel like I can do some and still make a difference, vs. having to get down on hands and knees and scrub the house from top to bottom with a toothbrush!


I have been taking it so easy this pregnancy and thinking how blessed I am and that I will NEVER HAVE THIS again. This not having a baby! (Except the one in my belly, I mean!) This being able to go lie down without a toddler pulling at me or needing me. I keep wondering how I will do it next pregnancy. It is *hard!* I haven't yet been there, but I feel for you mama. Please don't beat yourself up too much. Lately I've been super-emotional too, btw, I dunno if we are getting a hormone surge right now or what!

Have you ever tried Rescue Remedy? It might really help with the emotional-ness you're having. I have at least a few drops every day, and while it does not ELIMINATE it for me, it really does make a difference. I tend to have a short fuse and a temper and I have been *amazed* at the difference. I was a serious skeptic! It is cheap, so totally worth a try anyways!

to all the mamas who are feeling down on themselves... please give yourself a break, building babies is hard, hard work!
 
#9 ·
Remember, it's not all that healthy to have a too-clean house. That's what I keep telling myself, at least. The other night we were lying in bed almost asleep talking about if mice could get into our basement or not (we have baby chicks down there), and dh said, "I thought I saw a mouse in the kitchen the other day, but it was just a big wad of dog hair floating around." I almost peed my pants. I have gotten way more enjoyment out of that remark than I would have out of having a cleaner house.
 
#10 ·
Oh, mama! I totally know how you feel. I'm a WAHM, my husband is working on an insanely busy project at work so I've essentially been a single mommy for weeks on end, and I have an extremely active 2-year old. I finally lost it last weekend and called my mommy. She came down and spent 4 days cleaning my house, getting stuff ready for the baby and taking care of me. I can't express how much it meant to have some help!

Take some time for yourself and try and get some help....are there any teenagers in your neighborhood that might come over for a few hours a week and play with your 2-year old? Even a few hours of just being able to get stuff done might help!
 
#11 ·
I am another WAHM here too and I completly understand how you are feeling!! I have found myself slacking off from working lately and then I feel guilty about that and so I then try to make up for it by working a lot and then I am not spending enough time with Elle and so then I feel bad about that. When my dh gets home from work he complaines that I am on the computer (I do 50% of my work on the computer 50% on the phone) so I end up either not spending time with him or I shut down my laptop and then I work after he goes to bed. I feel like I am torn in 3 different directions all the time. That is pretty much why I have been slacking off from working. The problem is that slacking off does not help pay the bills. As for the cleaning I try to keep on top of it constantly. If I let even 1 day go by without cleaning I find myself with a mess that then makes me feel overwhelmed and exhausted just looking at it and then on those days I get NOTHING done because I am in such a funk over everything I have to do. Does that even make sense?

Then of course there is the overwhelming feeling of "how am I going to handle nursing and caring for a newborn, taking care of and playing with my 2 1/2 year old, working my business, spending time with my dh, and keeping my house clean?"

Amy
 
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