Do YOU take time-outs? How do you do it? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 11-27-2008, 04:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm still a bit new to GD- reading Positive Discipline right now, and finished Raising your Spirited Child. I have a 2 year old, and most of the time (esp. after reading Raising your Spirited Child) we are getting along swimmingly 95% of the time.

The Spirited Child book was good because it made me realize that I am also a spirited individual (and more specifically, that my son's strongest spirited trait (being slow to adapt to change) is my own strongest spirited trait. Eeks.)

In any event, I have a temper. I know other moms here must too. Do any of you use something like a time-out or cool-down spot or mode for yourselves-- both to actually chill out but also to model an appropriate way of dealing with strong emotional reactions for your LOs? If so, how do you do it? How do you talk about it with your LOs? Is it an actual spot, or just a set script that you use to talk about how you are feeling, or what?

Having read a little bit about time-out spots, esp. for children this young (see http://www.positivediscipline.com/ar..._Children.html) I don't want to have a time-out script/spot for my LOs unless... I'm using it too which would really help make it look non-punitive (which would be my ultimate goal.)

I know that getting more tools in my GD toolbox will help prevent me from losing said temper in the first place (the Spirited Child book gave me a lot of tools already), but I am realistic to know myself and know there just aren't that many tools.

Thanks!

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#2 of 4 Old 11-27-2008, 05:59 AM
 
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I mostly followed the Dr. Sears idea of "benching" vs. "time-out".

Time-out = time to be alone or reflect or calm down

Benching = something like the "penalty box" in a hockey game. A short time to be pulled out of action because of unacceptable behavior.

Time out is usually in their rooms and we refer to it as "alone time". Now that the kids are older (12 & 10) they sometimes consciously want alone time and also know that I also sometimes need alone time.

So, the "bench" for us was for many years a real bench in our living room where they would sit for a specified amount of time (30 seconds; 1 minute; 2 minutes).

I haven't used "the bench" since they were about 4 or 5.

As for my own time outs. As I've said, I sometimes need alone time. There are times when the kids are driving me nuts and rather than yell or scream, I just get up and walk away. Usually it's about table-manners/grossness at the dinner table.

Sometimes I've said "I can't eat w/ you when you're like this" and walk away. Other times, I've just get up and go - they know what's caused it.

Like I said, it's easier for mama to take a time-out when they're big.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Aletheia View Post
Having read a little bit about time-out spots, esp. for children this young (see http://www.positivediscipline.com/ar..._Children.html) I don't want to have a time-out script/spot for my LOs unless... I'm using it too which would really help make it look non-punitive (which would be my ultimate goal.)

I know that getting more tools in my GD toolbox will help prevent me from losing said temper in the first place (the Spirited Child book gave me a lot of tools already), but I am realistic to know myself and know there just aren't that many tools.

Thanks!
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#3 of 4 Old 11-27-2008, 11:01 AM
 
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take a look at this thread about parenting and rage:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...394579&page=65

and scroll until you find the post about the 90 second rule (post #1286).
It has been very helpful for myself and my best friend, we both have been incorporating the 90 second rule lately with great results.
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#4 of 4 Old 11-27-2008, 12:24 PM
 
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Sometimes I get very angry and I don't want to take it out on my daughter, so I do give myself time outs. I think it's healthy for her to see me angry and handling my anger appropriately rather than raging at her. And I don't give her time outs but she's started going to her room as well when she gets really angry. But I do get angry sometimes, and being pregnant sometimes when it isn't even really caused by something she does.
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