Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: North Texas
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I do not mean to be rude or disrespectful in any way, but here is what I think.
You are giving your son all control over you, your home atmosphere and your schedule. This is more than just a phase- it will continue as long as you let it continue. Believe me, I have seen this in one year old babies and in 12 year old adolescents. This is not ok, but it is something that he is being trained into by your tolerance. You have got to put an unequivocal, complete stop to his actions. I was greatly saddened to read your post, and of the troubles you are having with your son. I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. But you must deal with it, and you must deal with it firmly.
By closing yourself into another room, you are leaving your son free to roam around the house and hit and smash anything in his path.
When you do not promptly punish him for hitting or kicking you, he learns that he can get by with it next time. (a toddler's kicks can really hurt. If he's not trained out of this destructive behavior, think what he will be like at 7 or 12 or 15 when he is bigger and stronger than you are)
When you wrestle him for 20 minutes to change his diaper, that teaches him that you probably won't make him stop his fit next time.
We train people how to treat us. If my son grows up to talk disrespectfully to me, chances are it is because that is what I allowed when he was growing up. But if you demand respect and obedience, it will be better for all involved for him to give in.
I know this is the gentle discipline board, and I don't know much about GD. Maybe spanking, (which, frankly, would be my suggestion) isn't for you. Then find some other way to get his attention that is for you. These fits need to be counter productive for him, or he will never stop them. Have you ever seen a grown woman embarrass her husband and children by yelling at the waiter or just complaining loudly because her order at the restaurant wasn't right? It takes a while to grow that, and it starts when they're young.
Instead of hiding his medicine in his food and letting him think that he got his way in not taking it (doesn't sound like that's working anyway) tell him that he MUST take it. And enforce that. Instead of trying not to change him as often as you need to or trying to find easier ways around it so you don't have to go to all the effort of fighting him, force him to comply.
YOU are the boss. You are the mommy, and the one who is in charge. If no one is in control, the whole house will be in chaos. If the toddler is in control, the house will be in chaos. God put you here to take care of your baby. To train him to be a good man, considerate, thoughtful, and pleasant. No one likes a brat. Do you really enjoy your son most of the day? Is his sweetness between tantrums really making up for all the stress he puts you through during them?
You must regain control of yourself and your son for the happiness of both of you, as well as the rest of your family. Not only will you enjoy him more, he will be happier when he learns to obey on command. Getting to that point will be hard, but once you're there discipline will be much easier, and needed much less often.
It's not an easy road, but it can be done.
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