i am feeling so defeated. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-24-2009, 06:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It just feels like parenting - actually parenting 3 children is totally impossible. My 5.5 yr old is screaming and growling and running all over the house all of the time, my 3 yr old is hitting my baby over the head with toys, they are throwing toys all over the place, the baby is always fussy and whining, and I have just had enough.

I cant concentrate on "disciplining" or talking to the older 2 when the baby is fussy because I have sensory issues and my mind is going crazy with that noise in the background. It makes me want to scream!

The kids are "homeschooled" but totally bored because there isnt much in town to do - people dont show up to park days, my kids dont like to play at the park unless they have age specific other kids to play with. (at least my oldest is that way.) museums are hours away and expensive. I just ordered a curriculum so I hope that helps me prep a little bit and have stuff to do all planned out.

I tried story time at the library but my 3 yr old kept getting in trouble from the reader for not behaving, and I was having a hard time juggling the 1 yr old and my 3 yr old. (And the 5.5 yr old was ok reading on his own in the kids area.)

I took them to the bank this morning and they screamed and ran around the lobby. I was horrified. I even gave them little deposit slips and was giving them a little talk about the bank and letting them actually do the transaction for me. We totally had a healthy protein filled breakfast too. :

They throw toys at eachother more than they actually play with the toys.

I am just exausted and defeated and I am not giving up but I am crawling in the dirt begging someone to help me make an actual plan to help my kids behave better. We would all be happier for it.


I need a PLAN.
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#2 of 5 Old 02-24-2009, 06:21 PM
 
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to you. I just had my third child a month ago and feel similarly. Here's hoping some other moms of many will post with wisdom...

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#3 of 5 Old 02-24-2009, 06:38 PM
 
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1. make a schedule and stick to no matter how difficult they are being, over time they will come to expect it and work with it
2. alternate "sit down" activities with physical activites
3. incorporate exercise into the routine
4. "train" them into how to behave in public by taking nature walks stressing things like "we have to be quiet or we'll scare the birds away" at times and "we can run on THIS part of the path" and "lets all look around together and maybe we can find a bird/animal" Also, take small unimportant trips that can allow you to take them back outside or to the car when they start acting up
5. more seperation; if you're getting fed up with them its a sure bet they are getting fed up with each other. They probably need some separate time to do age-appropriate things
6. try to find someone to come over whenever possible and help out - a friend or babysitter who can help the oldest child work on reading for example or a playmate for the middle child so you can focus a bit on one of the other kids
7. if you have sensory issues, its likely that one or all of them have them too. Again, separation would help that some
8. don't be afraid of the television: DVDs that are instructional can be a wonderful learning tool and a way to give them all something to sit down and be quiet for. The 4.5 yr old and 2 year old love watching Signing Time just as much as my 18mos old - with the monitor in the bedroom I can hear them but still sit down in the dining room for a few minutes
9. try and find other moms who might be willing to trade off a kid or two every now and then

*hugs*
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#4 of 5 Old 02-24-2009, 11:47 PM
 
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Quiet time. You need to recharge if at all possible. Take into account temperaments; my older two and I are all introverts. We NEED time alone every day. My youngest is extroverted. She would like to talk and interact from the minute she wakes until she sleeps at night. The introverts win, because we are all too foul without downtime and it seems very valuable for the littlest to learn it.

My kids are 9, 7, and almost 4, and I had many days that felt out of control until the youngest was more like 18 months or even 2yo. Now, we have a nice routine; we can even dabble in unschooling without feeling like we're careening off into the void.

Suggestions- Reading and games are school. Anything that involves you sitting and interacting will probably help your kids SEEM better behaved. I do not mean to imply that you are not interacting with them; I am just suggesting things that worked for me. This one was/is hard to do when I was/am feeling tapped out; however, I kind of fall in love with them all over again as we sit reading or playing a game. Suddenly, their behavior seems fine, and I think it's my attitude rather than their behavior that's changed.

Pick sign posts for the day, like breakfast, outside, snack, reading, art, lunch, quiet time, outside, snack, clean up, dinner.... At first, I only had three, but I was able to add more as these got established.

Bath time before dinner is a great way to entertain/distract one or two kids while you get dinner together.

Back carriers for the littlest. This was HUGE for me. I could tolerate fussiness so much better with the baby on my back rather than in my face or at my feet. And, sometimes, tolerate was the best I could muster, but it meant she was close, she could hear me sing, she was out of the fray, and occasionally she even fell asleep.

Sing, if you like it. It can be very soothing. It can create a zone of peace immediately around you even if the kids are darting in a hundred directions.

Enforce outside time, especially in the morning. This can create peace. The things to throw outside are probably safe. The youngest can play more freely if the older ones are outside. Even if you have to supervise, they will not be running all over each other.

And know that this is just a stage of life. Really. You might look back and laugh; you might look back and sigh with relief. But, it will end.
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#5 of 5 Old 02-25-2009, 03:48 AM
 
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I am SO sorry to say this . . . but, OP, you completely made my day! :-) I KNOW you are being serious, but it just made me laugh!!!

(It sounds like you've been living in MY house!)

Okay -- enough laughing -- the PP are giving great advice, and it is advice that I have successfully used.

Hugs to you :-)
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