what is the difference between yelling and raising your voice? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-02-2009, 02:52 PM - Thread Starter
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I don't feel I yell. I feel after telling someone something 18 times, I may need to raise the volume and add a serious look on my face to get my point across. My twins are just a year, I only raise my voice when they are approaching danger - walking up on a sleeping dog, going into the bathroom w/ toilet open, getting ready to touch something hot etc. On second thought, when they are tandem nursing and doing acrobats/biting my nipples I raise my voice. I think that is generally out of the shock of pain. DH thinks I am yelling at them. I think I am just showing them I am serious. What do you think?

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#2 of 8 Old 03-02-2009, 03:04 PM
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Yellingis a linear village and civil parish in Huntingdonshire, England. Raising Your Voice isn't...

Ok seriously now.

Yelling is associated with a strong emotion and expected to have a strong emotional response from the other person.

Raising your voice is more about projecting rather then making overly loud. Your voice is louder so that it will carry, but in a more controlled manner.

(P.S. I typed yelling into Wiki and got the page about Yelling, Huntingdonshire)

Alternate P.S. Is it that wise to yell or raise your voice around a sleeping dog?

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#3 of 8 Old 03-02-2009, 04:27 PM
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I yell to get attention, then I switch to a regular voice. "Hey!" is the word I yell. I reserve it for real need, like the street, running with scissors, sword fighting with sharp sticks, painting the carpet, etc.

Personally, I do not distinguish between yelling and raising my voice; I think the situation is a better indicator of whether my yell is okay with me. I yell to call my kids in from playing, that's fine. But if I notice I have their attention and my voice is still raised, then I need to cool it.

With toddlers... I don't know. I have not had two at the same time, so this advice might be bad. I just did not yell; I went and got them. It seems that could be pretty tricky to do every time when chasing two of them.
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#4 of 8 Old 03-02-2009, 06:35 PM
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When I am in control, then I consider it "raising my voice" or being firm.

When I start to get angry and feel out of control, then it can turn to screaming and that's where I try never to get to. If I feel like that, I just need to take a step back and take a breather.
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#5 of 8 Old 03-02-2009, 09:36 PM
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men and women typically perceive these differently. dh and i have argued about this forever. when i get it figured out i'll let you know.
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#6 of 8 Old 03-03-2009, 03:15 AM
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To me, it's just a matter of degree of loudness. It goes whispering, speaking quietly, raising your voice, yelling. Any of those can be done in a loving way, provided the purpose is to allow your children to hear you better. If you are doing it to let off steam, like if your baby bites your nipple, that is actually crying out, to my mind. You're not yelling at the baby, you are crying in pain. If they are in danger, yelling is to grab their attention, not to release anger, and it is okay.

The point is just not to yell AT someone to get your anger across, but instead to use a loud voice as a very specific tool in rare circumstances when it is required. Like, to make a child who is reaching for a hot pan, stop in her tracks.

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#7 of 8 Old 03-03-2009, 07:39 PM
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to me its all about intention.

if its about getting irritated, about your frustration - its yelling.

otherwise it is not.

it isnt something i came up by myself. its what i discovered with my 6 year old. so you might not even be yelling or raising your voice - but the way you say it can be construed as yelling - according to my dd.

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#8 of 8 Old 03-03-2009, 10:15 PM
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Not at all trying to be snarky here, but I usually (if I am honest with myself) know the difference.

I agree that a lot has to do with control and intent. When I am in control, and making the decision to raise my voice with a purpose, that is one thing.

When I am angry/frustrated/etc. and I am out of control, it becomes a yell.
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