To me, it's just a matter of degree of loudness. It goes whispering, speaking quietly, raising your voice, yelling. Any of those can be done in a loving way, provided the purpose is to allow your children to hear you better. If you are doing it to let off steam, like if your baby bites your nipple, that is actually crying out, to my mind. You're not yelling at the baby, you are crying in pain. If they are in danger, yelling is to grab their attention, not to release anger, and it is okay.
The point is just not to yell AT someone to get your anger across, but instead to use a loud voice as a very specific tool in rare circumstances when it is required. Like, to make a child who is reaching for a hot pan, stop in her tracks.
It's not that the stay-at-home-parent gets to stay home with the kids. The kids get to stay home with a parent. Lucky Mom to DD1 (4 y) and DD2 (18 mo), Wife to Mercenary Dad