GD and the Highly Sensitive Child - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 03-21-2009, 05:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My oldest child (DD- 5) is Highly Sensitive like DH and I were. It's hard and my patience is running very thin even though I know how she feels and I know I should sympathize. No matter how gentle we say it criticism sends her over the edge and she cries as if we have punched her in the face. Real tears with real pain behind it and I know it but I just don't know what to do. She thinks she can get away with things and she can't (like punching her baby sisters). Even if we don't approach her with criticism she still gets very upset. Even if we say "hey Lily what about taking a bath right now?" she wigs out. We've learned to really pick our battles but being HSC along with her iron will and always having to be right and everything always having to go her way... *deep breath*... it's just really hard. A lot of times she wants us to help her force her friends and sisters to do what she wants and when we won't she just breaks down. It's like she can't function unless things are going exactly her way.

She's of course not always like this. She does some times do what she is asked and is eager to help but most times not so much.

Anywho any help will be greatly appreciated!

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#2 of 8 Old 03-22-2009, 12:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by magstphil View Post
My oldest child (DD- 5) is Highly Sensitive like DH and I were. It's hard and my patience is running very thin even though I know how she feels and I know I should sympathize. No matter how gentle we say it criticism sends her over the edge and she cries as if we have punched her in the face. Real tears with real pain behind it and I know it but I just don't know what to do. She thinks she can get away with things and she can't (like punching her baby sisters). Even if we don't approach her with criticism she still gets very upset. Even if we say "hey Lily what about taking a bath right now?" she wigs out. We've learned to really pick our battles but being HSC along with her iron will and always having to be right and everything always having to go her way... *deep breath*... it's just really hard. A lot of times she wants us to help her force her friends and sisters to do what she wants and when we won't she just breaks down. It's like she can't function unless things are going exactly her way.

She's of course not always like this. She does some times do what she is asked and is eager to help but most times not so much.

Anywho any help will be greatly appreciated!
Ahhh.. no advice here I'm afraid. This sounds exactly like my daughter who is 28 months. I was hoping she would outgrow some of the wanting things to go her way, always *HAVING* to be right, go specifically the way she wants them to, (or meltdown ensues), being extremely sensitive, and also being bossy. I guess it may just be her temperment/personality though. I know how hard it is, that is about all I can say.
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#3 of 8 Old 03-28-2009, 09:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bump!

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#4 of 8 Old 03-29-2009, 12:23 AM
 
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Ugh. My DS is like this too. he's 4. I was hoping he'd grow out of it, too. I think I need to get a copy of that highly Sensitive Child book. Maybe that would help. I don't have a lot of advice, but I thought I'd chime in with a "I have one of those kids, too"! Hopefully someone will have some advice for us!
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#5 of 8 Old 03-29-2009, 12:35 AM
 
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I'm going to sound harsh, but my advice is to let her wig out. That doesn't mean that she has to do it alone. You can be there and help her through. Offer a hug, reflect her feelings back to her and talk about how she feels. (If you haven't read it, "How to Talk So Your Children will Listen" by Faber and Mazlish is a good starting point for this kind of communication.)

I, too, am a highly sensitive person. So is dh. And guess what? We've got two highly sensitive kids. Both are also very stubborn in their own way. Dd is also highly dramatic. One highly dramatic, very sensitive, very stubborn 4 3/4 year old = a lot of high emotions at our house right now.

But I think by letting her have her tantrum, helping her through it, you'll all be less afraid of her emotions. Because right now, it sounds like just that - you are afraid of her big emotions, and so you're tiptoeing around them. What she needs to learn is that while these emotions are big and scary, they're not dangerous and she can get them under control, eventually. It's OK to feel intensely. But it's also not OK to hit your sisters, insist on her way all the time. She needs to learn that she cannot force her sisters to do things exactly the way she wants them, and that by extension, no one can force her to do things against her will either.

I'd also keep an eye on her. Is her rigidity affecting other parts of her life? Is there significant anxiety associated with it? How does she do socially? (In other words, is this a sign of something 'bigger', or is this just a highly sensitive, highly emotional kid?)

Our ds is not only highly sensitive but has sensory processing disorder (SPD). "Sensational Kids" is a good book about that. Occupational Therapy (OT) has really helped with that. Sometimes kids with SPD get overwhelmed by sensory stimulation and so they react by trying to control the world around them, because that's the only way they know to make things 'safe'.

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#6 of 8 Old 03-30-2009, 12:45 AM
 
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: this sounds all too familiar

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#7 of 8 Old 03-30-2009, 12:51 AM
 
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I also recommend reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort.
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#8 of 8 Old 03-30-2009, 01:33 PM
 
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Not only is my 3 year old dd very sensitive she has figured out that we won't punish her or curb her emotions. We usually let them work themselves out and offer ourselves to help her whens she needs it.

So now I have a 3 year old who whenever she doesn't want to do something (which happens a lot lately) sayd "No! I am too angry to _____ right now! I will go to my room to calm down!" and then goes to her room to play. When I tell her she is calm now and it's time to ___ I get "No! I am still not calm. I am not ready!"

I'm so lost.

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