Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Roswell, Georgia
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I am at my wits end with her. This post will likely be a bunch of babble because I have a lot to say. I hardly know where to start. I have two children, ds is 4 and dd is 7. First of all, dd is extremely jealous of her brother. She has become very controlling of him. For example, she tries to pick out his clothes. When going to a store, she tries to talk him into a toy/book, whatever it may be, that she herself does not like. For example, when going to Barnes and Noble, she'll coach him before we even go in the store on what kinds of books he should be looking at. I have never done this to her so I don't know where she gets it from. Sometimes, at a toy store, he'll pick out something that she likes. She will actually put her toy back and choose the same toy as him. It's crazy really. She is just downright mean to him a lot of the time. She hits him, calls him names, says she hates having a brother, etc. Now, sometimes they get along but only if things are going her way. The other thing she'll do is stake out her place with me. If he sits on one side of me, she'll have to come do the same. Yesterday I was on the couch, ds said he was tired and came and layed next to me. She came over and since there was not enough room, she layed right on top of me. lol She first said, "I was going to lie there." They frequently get into fights over me. I do not favor my son either. Sometimes, she'll say "you love him more than me". Or "you make me feel like I am not even here." This BREAKS MY HEART! Honestly, she will say this after something like this...I'll ask them to pick up their toys. He'll do it quickly and I have to keep on her to do what I asked. I eventually get angry with her for not listening and then she'll throw out that statement. I think she means it at the time but I do not think that is the way she feels all the time. I always tell her how much I love her. We are together all day since we homeschool.
On to her attitude with us. She talks back, makes faces, sticks out her tongue. I cannot even think of an example at the moment. Maybe if I ask her to do something, she'll scrunch up her face and in a sing song voice mock me. It makes me furious. I end up just sending her to her room because I get so angry. We are very loving to each other. She will just walk by me and hug and kiss me and say "love you mama!". She does this all the time. BUT, many other times a day, she'll tell me how much she hates me. She tells me she hates me two or three times a day. That really takes a toll on me. I just don't understand how we got to this point in our relationship. She doesn't just come right out and say it. There will be a reason behind it. It may be that I have asked the kids to pick up their mess a hundred times and then I finally get angry and yell. I feel like they won't do anything they are asked until mommy gets mad. I hate getting mad. I don't like to yell at my children. As dh says, they don't listen any other way. Sometimes, she'll say, "can we go outside?" I'll say, "not right now." Hear she comes with the "I hate you!" as she storms off.
Both kids do things we ask them not to. Over and over again. I guess it may be lack of dicipline. I just don't know what to do. I need help coming up with a plan. I think my kids need more dicipline and consequences. I don't want to yell at my kids. I am so afraid of what kind of teenager my dd will become if I don't get control of the problem. She should not be allowed to act this way to her family but I don't know what to do to stop it. The sad thing is, she is teaching her little brother to act this way. He is now telling me how much he hates me. I hate it that they hate me so many times a day!
I also gets tons of lip from her about homeschooling. She hates to get down to school every day. She rolls her eyes and says "I hate school!". She doesn't want to go to public school either of course. She would just rather play.
Please help. I have read lots of parenting books recommended here. Nothing helps us. I know part of the problem is me. I do get angry with them. I just can't stand the back talk. Just the other day, I told my husband its so hard to realize my dd is only 7. She is just a little girl. She just acts like she's seventeen. I am not kidding about that. She is very smart so that adds to the problem.
Thanks for reading,