Because I think my DS has a touch of it and am unsure of what to do. Attitude, talking back on occasion, whiney, crabby, etc., I ask him what's wrong, and he doesn't want to tell me. He'd rather say hateful things and run off. I try to be as soothing as I can - try to see if I can help in any way and he doesn't seem interested.
Nothing crazy has happened in our lives, either. H travels, but that's always been the case - he's actually going to get a job (fingers crossed) that requires LESS travel. He's doing great in school, enjoys it. The weather is getting a little better, so we have a chance to go on walks and play outside more often. So with no big events going on, the change in behavior has me perplexed......
So, is this just a phase and if you have a 3 year old that does these things, how do you handle them?
Yes, and unfortunately, they seem to be followed sometimes by what one of my neighbors calls the f-ing fours.
Though I have to say that 3 was hard because they waver back and forth between wanting to be so independent and needing you NOW! And they're discovering the power of words, and sometimes wield them a bit to heavily.
Sometimes the 'change' is developmental too - he might be getting ready to learn a new skill or make a developmental leap, and that can lead to crankiness. Dd is learning to read, and I'm going CRAZY some days.
Oh my goodness! My DS is going through this right now!
He has such an attitude and whines constantly. He swings from not wanting anything to do with me to needing me RIGHT NOW in seconds.
The best/worst thing is that he is only like this when its just us or just us and DD. When DH is home or Grandma is here he is excellent company.
My DD went through the same thing at 3 too. I had PPD at the time and didnt cope well with it so I am hoping to do better this time but sometimes....Arrghhh! kwim!
Three years old is HELL. Period. You just need to zip on your Zen suit and get through it.
I posted this in another "3 year olds suck" thread here, but I will say it again as a mama who has come out the other end with a lovely, sweet, mostly well mannered boy.
Just know that age 3 seems to be universally challenging. It IS a phase and they will get past it. This is all very developmentally normal (doesn't make it any easier, I know)
Remember, he's just a little boy with a whirling twirling mind and a body bursting with energy and he's still learning this whole "how to be a person" routine. Our job is not to order or ask or expect or demand or direct. Our job is to teach and guide and explain, and explain again, and then to do some more explaining and forgive and forget and hug and humor and hand hold. And most of all to listen and learn. I always say it's MY job to learn how to communicate with him, not HIS job to take orders from me. It differs from kid to kid, mama to mama. It's just takes some patience to find your path.
no really...have you read "raising your spirited child" by keeda? i LOVE this book because she teaches us to replace old labels (usually 'negative') with positive ones... such as bossy/demanding to persistant/strong/leader, wild to energetic, etc. you get the jist... i really love this book.
check it out. i think if you start to work on changing your thinking (if that is what you wish to create/encourage more peace and lovin' in your family) about the 3's being something "terrible" into something...challenging...or...TERRIFIC! she sounds like a passionate, normal spirited fun girl. go with it mama. i know it is NOT always easy to keep ourselves in check before we pounce and judge these beautiful LO's... i truly belive most of it is developmentally appropriate for dc and also it is a reflection of how they are treated. either they are loved conditionally or unconditionally...a lot of parents think they ARE loving unconditionally as in "forever" or whatever but after reading thru UP i've discovered my love has had conditions as my dd has grown up since babyhood & i have given positive loving 'rewards' for nice behavior and withdrawn or been a bear when she is so-called 'negative'.
and oh, since i'm mentioning UP, have you read "unconditional parenting" by alfie kohn? if you haven't check that one out too...
sorry for all the advice...i'm just totally on fire for these 2 books lately. and if you don't know there is a study group that just began on the UP book...we are still on ch. one i believe...at least *I* am!
This is very interesting! My 3 year old grandson is the exact same way. My daughter keeps asking me what she should do and if she were that way at that age. I tell her yes, that it is a normal phase all children go through but as far as specifics on how to handle it, I don't want to tell her to spank him like I spanked her. I tell her to be consistent, don't overreact when he says something mean to her, be calm and reaffirm her love for him. But I'm new at this GD thing and trying to learn. I've been trying to find time to read up a little bit and this forum is really helpful, too.
3 is worse than 2. With my oldest I was thinking terrible twos smerrible twos, whateva....and then he hit three. My. God. I didnt leave the house for a year, I didnt want to inflict him on others......
3 is killing me! 2 was fine, 2 1/2 was rough, and now 3...oh my god. I was just whimpering to my DH last night that every moment of every day with DD seems to be a battle. Backtalk, attitude, tantrums, refusing to listen...I'm a my wits' end with her. Yesterday was particularly rough. I need to learn not to overreact, but it's hard!
Originally Posted by boatbaby
Our job is not to order or ask or expect or demand or direct. Our job is to teach and guide and explain, and explain again, and then to do some more explaining and forgive and forget and hug and humor and hand hold. And most of all to listen and learn. I always say it's MY job to learn how to communicate with him, not HIS job to take orders from me.
This spoke directly to me and my situation (difficult 3 yo who is independent and curious). I have the book 'Raising your sprited Child' and a couple of others. Am trying to get through 'Playful Parenting'. My dh told me tonight at the dinner table, when I was insisting 3yo dd say 'thank you', that we need to TELL them they need to say thank you, remind them, and then press the 'repeat' button a few thousand times.
Age 2 was no problem for us, and I wondered what the fuss was all about, but 3-3 1/2 was unbelievably bad!! It's been pretty easy since then though--hang in there!
I think it's in the series "Your X year old," like "Your two year old" "your three year old" that the author suggests that the best parenting tool for a three year old is as many babysitting hours as you can afford.
Originally Posted by GuildJenn
I think it's in the series "Your X year old," like "Your two year old" "your three year old" that the author suggests that the best parenting tool for a three year old is as many babysitting hours as you can afford.
), totally cracks me up. I only wish I could afford more babysitting!
:
This book is actually really helpful. While some of the discipline tactics it suggests are way off from anything that we would do in our family, the developmental info in it is, IME, indispensable. It's really helped me stay afloat this year to know that the sort of things dd has been doing are to be expected, and part of her normal development, rather than just exasperating tics that are unique to her. Most kids go through this stuff.
It's my understanding that age three is far more difficult than two in more "attached" families, whereas the traditional "terrible twos" might apply more to less "attached" families. IIRC, this is because the big task of age three is for the child to comprehend his identity as distinct from his mother's, and to assert himself as an individual opposed to her. In a family where the mother/child attachment is very strong, this process can be especially painful, for a variety of reasons (whereas the general contrariness of age two is more easily taken in stride in such families).
I have found that the best strategy I have with my three-year-old is to do everything I can to hold her close and to keep our connection strong. As soon as it falters, her behavior becomes totally unmanageable. When this happens, rather than pushing her away with admonishment/correction, I find my best move is to "collect" her and draw her close (not that that's always easy when you're furious!).
Good luck!
i think the idea that some years are terrible and others not is a myth.
its more about us how we have adjusted to parenting.
so depending on how comfortable you are with how to handle things every year is 'terrible' until you get a handle of it. and it doesnt stop at 3.
its just each year has its own different set of problems.
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