Are those leashes/harnesses for kids demeaning? - Page 9 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#241 of 251 Old 04-28-2009, 10:18 PM
 
chipper26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 597
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MusicianDad View Post
Eating dirt, sticks and leaves can lead to illnesses that kill. And there are other things on the ground I doubt you'd let your 8 month old eat...
: Not all "germs" are good.
chipper26 is offline  
#242 of 251 Old 04-28-2009, 10:22 PM
 
hipumpkins's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: NJ
Posts: 6,140
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Actually, for our dd, holding our hand was uncomfortable because her hand was up so high over her head!

This is dd in her leash (no monkey backpack, it's a leash) at Yellowstone. I got lots of positive comments about it and no negative ones.

The leash gave her the freedom to walk (which she demanded!), and us the comfort of knowing that she wouldn't walk off into something dangerous. We only used it in big crowds (airports, Yellowstone), when they were in the awful under 3-can't stop-what-I've-started phase of dashing off.
that's the same one we used when the kids were little.
Some leash pointers..don't use one in the hallmark store I bought one b/c we were traveling by plane. Someone said I should do a trial run so I knew if she liked it.
Stupid me took her to the mall...where she had the freedom to touch and grab everything. (This was many years ago. I am not leashing my 6.5 year old )
Anyway..the leash is great and really gives freedom. sometimes in a big crowd they still want to explore but it's not safe to run free...hand holding is limiting and can be uncomfortable. Being free is much more fun.
I'll bet not one person gives you a second look at the zoo and I'll bet you'll see a lot more leashes and a lot of smiling happy kids.

The first rule of homeschooling: water the plants! :
hipumpkins is offline  
#243 of 251 Old 04-28-2009, 11:18 PM
 
treemom2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Belgium
Posts: 3,823
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nudhistbudhist View Post
I happen to let my 8 mo eat dirt, sticks, leaves. I don't see why that's such a problem. I believe its part of exploring and connecting with the earth and the earths gifts:. I find it safer than chewing on plastic toys, or toys covered in chemical paints and lacquers. Germs are good!!!! Chemicals are bad!!!

And a leash is a tool. To be against leashes is to be against hammers. Yes, you can kill someone with a hammer, but you can also build with it
I really liked your post. I too don't have a problem with my children ingesting dirt, leaves, and sticks (unless of course we are in an area with poisonous materials or dirt that could be contaminated with sewage or something nasty). And, yes, a leash is a tool that can be misused or used in a way that is great for our children's development mentally, socially, and physically.:

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

treemom2 is offline  
#244 of 251 Old 04-28-2009, 11:53 PM
 
MusicianDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Tuponia
Posts: 10,838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by treemom2 View Post
I really liked your post. I too don't have a problem with my children ingesting dirt, leaves, and sticks (unless of course we are in an area with poisonous materials or dirt that could be contaminated with sewage or something nasty). And, yes, a leash is a tool that can be misused or used in a way that is great for our children's development mentally, socially, and physically.:
Any place with animals means that dirt can contain germs and parasites. It's part of the world we live in. Dispite popular belief, humans are not the "top of the food chain" we do have naturally occuring things that can and do kill us.

malesling.GIFMutant Papa to DD (12)hippie.gif and DS (2)babyf.gif, married to DHribbonrainbow.gif
If it looks like I'm trying to pick a fight... I'm not, I'm rarely that obvious.hammer.gif
MusicianDad is offline  
#245 of 251 Old 04-29-2009, 12:11 AM
 
Lovemy3babies's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Hazel Park, Michigan
Posts: 291
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK, this is just crazy ! I was in a thread like this on another site when pregnant with my twins, and was SO AGAINST leashes. They are mean, demeaning, evil, rude, ugly, ect ect.

Then, I had my 2nd son. And he turned 2. The twins are 3, will walk next to me, NO HANDS and stay right next to me. They listen very very well, dont even test me. Joshua is crazy. He is a darter. HAS NO FEAR. Like to wander, be by himself. Will run in a street like it is nothing. Not even realizing it is a street (he wears glasses and has poor eyesight, maybe that is why?). He hates the stroller. We go to the zoo. He wants to see the animals too, but I can not take my eye off of him for ONE SECOND because he will be gone, and I wont find him, he is that fast. I am a nervous wreck and it just isnt worth the CHANCE that I may be tending to one of my other 3 children for him to have something horrible happen to him.

I bought my monkey harness last week. Used it up north this weekend. He loved it. I loved it. We all loved it. Gives him the freedom he wants (to walk and touch and play), and gives me the safety. He hates to hold my hand, this just works perfect! Now, I can sling my baby, Joshua in the harness, and the twins walking along with me, and no need for anything else! I just love love love it.

ALl kids dont fit in a box. I have done nothing different for Joshua that I have for the twins. My kids are not allowed to misbehave. The twins are so good, so good, but Joshua is not. He is different. Something is going on in his little body, and has lots of tests to see what, but it causes his personality to be very intense. He is up and down and all around. And this is something that really just makes our lives easier, more harmonious and flowing.

Erika, wife to geek.gif and Mommy to twins.gif born in 05, coolshine.gif born in 06, biggrinbounce.gif born in 08! Ive had 8 miscarriagesmecry.gif and am praying.gif for a sticky bean in December 2012! I homeschool.gifsaynovax.gifwinner.jpg and hope for a hbac.gif!

Lovemy3babies is offline  
#246 of 251 Old 04-29-2009, 12:38 AM
 
Disco Infiltrator's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 316
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I personally have decided that tethering my toddler is a last resort option. He's 2 y/o and so far we haven't had to go down that path. FYI, we also rarely RARELY use a stroller. What we do is spend a lot of time talking, and talking, and talking to our son about holding hands with mommy and mama. We talk about parking lots and how big cars can hurt him. We talk about staying on the sidewalk and not going in the street. He hasn't always listened but as he's getting older, he GETS it.

It's not just about encouraging independence, or that I really do feel tethering a kid has an element of being demeaning. It's that DS is an equal and respected member of our family, and I want to respect his voice. I feel that making a decision that he can't live up to our expectations and requests to hold hands and be careful, and tethering him, isn't respecting him. This means DW and I sometimes have to be extra careful and extra vigilant about watching for dangerous situations. If he can't handle a situation or is being too impulsive, I pick him up. Overall, he's stayed safe and I actually trust him.

I still get why people use them and all kids are different. And last year when we went to the fair I would have KILLED for a leash. Argh.

Oh, and I LOVE the zoo because the kid can just run and run and we don't have to worry about cars.

Me: almost 40, RN DW: 38, CPD Boy: born 4/2/2007 Girl: born 8/23/2010
Queer Parenting since 2007
Disco Infiltrator is offline  
#247 of 251 Old 04-29-2009, 01:16 AM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Disco Infiltrator View Post
I still get why people use them and all kids are different. And last year when we went to the fair I would have KILLED for a leash. Argh.
Figure out how to use a wrap sling. They also make a nifty toddler lead for those times when you want to give your kid a chance to be totally impulsive but don't want to have a heart attack every 10 seconds.

Hey, if I need to hold onto dh's hand in some stores to resist dashing off to see things, can't imagine how much harder it'd be with brain development that encourages impulsive exploring.

Makes me think of something general to this thread...
sapphire_chan is offline  
#248 of 251 Old 04-29-2009, 01:40 AM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've finally figured out what bugs me about the "go in the stroller if you can't hold hands" method. It's punishing a kid for being a kid. Bear with me on this one...

See, the whole reason we do hand-holding, harnesses, etc, is because toddlers are impulsive. They see something and want to go touch it right away. And they'll go straight for it as fast as they can without stopping to think about anything in the way, including cars.

But that impulsiveness also extends to forgetting instructions.

So right when they're most likely to dash off, or even just bend down to see something on the sidewalk, is also when they're least likely to remember to hold hands. Particularly since holding hands is 100% in conflict with the impulse towards action.

So, for me, I see "hold hands or sit in the stroller" as a false choice that sets the kid up for failure. It definitely has its place, but I'd feel very uncomfortable using it as a regular thing unless I had a child with just the right personality.

I also don't like how it enforces a single range of motion. It makes the only acceptable distance right next to me, standing up, when I might be fine with the child being 3 feet away squatting and looking at a flower. (Okay, knowing me, I'd be squatting and looking at the flower too, but let's pretend I've got groceries or something.)

Toddler harnesses are a tool that fills the needs of parents and kids. Just like how you can hammer in any nail with any hammer, but certain hammers are better for different jobs. You have to find what works best for your family for each situation.


As for me, I've been spoiled by babywearing. I'm going to always tend toward the most hands-free option that keeps everyone safe and happy.
sapphire_chan is offline  
#249 of 251 Old 04-29-2009, 10:11 PM
 
skolbut's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Lansing, MI
Posts: 254
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Figure out how to use a wrap sling. They also make a nifty toddler lead for those times when you want to give your kid a chance to be totally impulsive but don't want to have a heart attack every 10 seconds.
You are a genius!!! I have 2 kids. 2 wraps. Never made the connection. Sometimes I wonder what I'd do without MDC.

B wife to B and mama to my two boys B 1/23/07 via csect and H 9/27/08 my vbac babe!
We , selectively (don't) vax, babywear, cosleep, love music, and try to be as crunchy as we can get!
skolbut is offline  
#250 of 251 Old 04-29-2009, 10:21 PM
 
keilonwy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
Posts: 154
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Nope. They are an awesome way to allow your child to explore safely, and as long as doesn't find it demeaning, it isn't. Honestly, does he even notice when you put him into it? I might have found having a monkey on my back (in the figurative sense, not in the common use addiction sense )pretty fun as a child!

On a personal note, a leash stopped my niece from being hit by cars on multiple occasions, and she loved having the space to explore and experience her world. I think your son would let you know if he didn't like it and it wasn't making stuff pleasant for him to experience, kwim? DN loved getting her leash on, because it meant she could run around safely and wouldn't be forced to hold hands (which she hated) or to be held (which she hated MORE, despite her AP background!).

I say they are awesome for some kids, not so awesome for others, you know your baby and what's working for you!
keilonwy is offline  
#251 of 251 Old 04-30-2009, 03:30 AM
 
eclipse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Mexico
Posts: 7,867
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
I've finally figured out what bugs me about the "go in the stroller if you can't hold hands" method. It's punishing a kid for being a kid. Bear with me on this one...

See, the whole reason we do hand-holding, harnesses, etc, is because toddlers are impulsive. They see something and want to go touch it right away. And they'll go straight for it as fast as they can without stopping to think about anything in the way, including cars.

But that impulsiveness also extends to forgetting instructions.

So right when they're most likely to dash off, or even just bend down to see something on the sidewalk, is also when they're least likely to remember to hold hands. Particularly since holding hands is 100% in conflict with the impulse towards action.

So, for me, I see "hold hands or sit in the stroller" as a false choice that sets the kid up for failure. It definitely has its place, but I'd feel very uncomfortable using it as a regular thing unless I had a child with just the right personality.

I also don't like how it enforces a single range of motion. It makes the only acceptable distance right next to me, standing up, when I might be fine with the child being 3 feet away squatting and looking at a flower. (Okay, knowing me, I'd be squatting and looking at the flower too, but let's pretend I've got groceries or something.)

Toddler harnesses are a tool that fills the needs of parents and kids. Just like how you can hammer in any nail with any hammer, but certain hammers are better for different jobs. You have to find what works best for your family for each situation.


As for me, I've been spoiled by babywearing. I'm going to always tend toward the most hands-free option that keeps everyone safe and happy.
I agree completely with everything you've said here. Some kids like to ride in a sling. Great! Some kids actually listen when you tell them to stop. Really Great! Some love to hold hands. Wonderful, except when adult's hands are full! Some kids love to roll along in a stroller. It's all good! Others prefer a leash - but why is this the only option that gets so much criticism? Especially if a child actually likes it? When ds1 (the only one I used a tether with) was a toddler, his 1st choice was to run as far as his little legs could carry him in whatever direction he was facing when he hit the ground. He screamed in the stroller, would practically pull his arm out of joint holding hands (and threw my back out when I was newly pregnant with DD doing his freeze and drop routine - that was oodles of fun being immobile with a toddler and seriously limited in what pain relief I could have!), only wanted to be in a sling when he was tired or wanted to nurse, etc. And he loved the tether. He got to explore and I didn't have to chase him. It slowed him down enough that I could keep up. He could see neat things that were more than 6 inches from me. He could even crawl on the ground and pretend to be a dog, barking and wagging his tail, which he though was loads of fun. (so, OP, your child might not get barked at. S/he might bark at people instead.) I didn't use one with DD because she never wandered far from me. She liked to be worn. She would ride in the stroller at places like the (suprisingly disparaged in this thread) zoo. She held hands if I asked her to. It just was never necessary. DS2 was/is a bit of a wanderer, but the couple of times we tried a tether, he wasn't down with it - so we figured other things out (he's not as adverse to hand holding as ds1, was worn longer than him, sometimes enjoys the stroller, etc).
eclipse is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off