Help-my 11 year old thinks he's a teen - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 36 Old 06-11-2009, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by MamasBoys View Post
It's funny because I feel like I'm being made to look like an uber strict, conservative parent and I certainly don't feel that way. I'm a pastor's daughter and my parents are/were very conservative Christians. I was not allowed to wear pants until I was 9 years old, we didn't listen to "secular" music or watch any television that wasn't Christian or rated G. As an adult, I'm an atheist, we are liberals, we are very young parents, we enjoy all types of music and our kids have been exposed to a lot of things that my parents would gasp at.

I want my kids to be normal, and normal is not mainstream. If my kids were mainstream, they'd be overweight (like 98% of the kids in my son's 5th grade class). They'd be eating a Standard American Diet and they'd be sickly and ill. They'd play a lot of video games and sit in front of the television instead of being active like they are. They'd be vaccinated on time, they'd be on antibiotics for everything under the sun. They'd be yelled at, spanked, humiliated, punished. I can't believe that so many HERE think that it's inappropriate for me to be resisting the mainstream.

I don't see any issue with resisting the mainstream- unless it's at the cost of your child's trust in you to allow him to explore himself.

DH and I are young parents- DD is only 10 months but I already shy from the mainstream. I consider myself pretty crunchy. But it's easy at this point- she's a baby, and is pretty willing to go along with my preferences of music and activities. I'm scared of the adolescent and pre adolescent years- considering how I acted, I must have it coming to me.

I will attempt to protect DD from the crappy, sexualized, woman-hating rap and hip hop and even pop and rock. That doesn't mean she won't be able to listen to those genres, but I will try my best to gently censor her- but ultimatley, I will try my best to raise her in a manner that lets her censor HERSELF.

-hugs- you are only trying to protect your son, and that's so good. just don't overdo it.

forever following the lead of a colorful active little monkey
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#32 of 36 Old 06-11-2009, 04:31 PM
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Well, our two just really like having their ears tickled! We listen to all sorts of music from around the world: African music, Native American music, Irish, French, Indian - you name it. It's so interesting!

And I'll tell you what: when they take gangster rap as an indication of the music of the African race, actually listening to some African choral music is very informative and great! They just want to stay interested, you know, like any child. Thank goodness - they have malleable ears and want to be drawn into something.

My own father, who is a musician, would play me everything from 14th century Spanish folk music to the Pet Shop Boys when I was growing up. "Being Boring" (PSB) beat out NSYNC every time because it was simply better music and inevitably more interesting to my young ears.

We had a great afternoon painting the hallway listening to Ladysmith Black Mambazo the other day

Anyhow so yeah, music speaks to the soul when it's good...I'm a music junkie and want my kiddies to hear all the GOOD music! Which can be challenging when most of the stuff on the radio is so....well...crap!


Mama to Josie , lost 10/10/08 at 37.4 weeks .and my rainbow baby, Isobella Mai ...born 1/12/2010!Pregnant with Prairie Baby, AKA #3. Due October 17th, 2015.
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#33 of 36 Old 06-14-2009, 02:23 PM
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What kind of chores and other responsibilities does your son have? If he wants to be more grown up, then perhaps it's time to ramp them up a bit? Not as punishment, but just to help him grow. He's very concerned with having the priviliges of young adulthood, which is fine, IMO, as long as they are accompanied by corresponding levels of responsibilities as well.

P.S. Not sweating the "kids today" stuff. The highest rate of teen pregnancy in this country in the past 100 years was in the '50s. I'm 31, and when I was your son's age, I listened to "grownup" music and read "grownup" books and had a great deal of control over how I spent my time once I was finished studying and contributing to the housework. With the freedom to choose how I spent my own leisure time, however, I wasn't particularly peer oriented. I also spent a lot of time with older and younger family members. Had there been a battle over it with my mom, I wonder if that would have still been the case.
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#34 of 36 Old 06-14-2009, 03:45 PM
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I definitely plan on homeschooling our youngest children (this is not the only reason, but it now makes the decision crystal clear.)
Why not start homeschooling your son? You said the problem is not him, it's his friends. He's 11, the influence his friends have on him is only going to grow.

It was a for a different reasons but I began homeschooling my kid in middle school, which quickly turned into unschooling. He chose to go to the public high school when we moved and it's been a great experience.

My point is not that you have to homeschool but rather that when you are unhappy with the enviroment where your child spends the majority of his waking hours, it's worth looking at making a change.
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#35 of 36 Old 06-15-2009, 03:38 AM
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My son just turned 12 a few days ago and I'm 30. My son does have a cell phone because we don't have a house phone. I like to being able to get in touch with him if he isn't at home or if I'm not at home. He knows I monitor his phone...our bill shows every call and text he sent or gets. He is free to listen to any kind of music he wants. I feel thats part of him being able to express himself freely. I listen to rock, hip hop, and R&B. My son on the other hand likes rock. In fact I took him to a Linkin Park concert for his bday. He has no interest in hip hop at all. My son is a very good kid....doesn't get into trouble at school, does have some organizational issues but thats a whole other story. I believe that at his age he should be able to start making some decisions on his own. At 12 I was in 8th grade, wearing making up and attending a Sir-mix-alot concert. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
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#36 of 36 Old 06-23-2009, 03:13 PM
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I'm returning this thread, after removing some UAV's and some posts responding to those UAV's.

Please keep the MDC User Agreement in mind when posting.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)

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