was I wrong here? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 06-15-2009, 11:39 PM - Thread Starter
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I was on a social networking site and a "friend" posted results of one of those quizzes. A friend of my friend posted a remark that really offended me and I responded.. I probably just should have stayed out of it but it went like this.. tell me how could I have handled this better?

I am pretty sure she is a young mom.. has a baby only a few months old..so not an experienced parent by any stretch, but I really felt like I was banging my head against a brick wall trying to even respond to her.

The quiz was.. which J & K character are you? (I know...I know.. a whole bunch of feelings here.. but it wasn't the show or the characters that had me responding, it was HER RESPONSE to the situation..ie..just smack a bratty kid around..)

Her response..

"i cant stand that lil brat (maddie)...i would smack her oneif i were her mom!"

I responded that smacking a child likely would not help resolve the situation or bring about the desired behavior, etc.

She responded..

""if ur talkin about my comment it was a joke..i would never smack a kid!...and its not the situatiion its the way she was raised i been watchin the show for like 3 yrs and she's always been that way..but its not my kid so i dont care"

I responded that it was fine.. but on a social networking site where your comments go not only to your friend, but their friends, you should really be more considerate about what you post, even joking. I also explained that some people consider striking a child abuse (which I doubt she was joking at all..but anyways) I asked her if she would find it as funny if someone joked about verbally abusing a child or sexually abusing a child... (*yeah, I know it was harsh, but I was trying to get her to THINK)

She responded..

"well thats exactly what i was doing, JOKING,guess i just have a different personality then you, but dont ever put spanking a child and sexual and emotional abuse in the same catagory, because there's not a comparison, and on top of that Im a mother and i have never spanked my child or never intend to, but i believe in some situations kids deserve to be spanked, not hard to were it could hurt them, but to use as a warning if the do something that is completely out of line..but anyway im not going to argue on my aunts facebook page anymore, but thanks for "your" opinion...have a good night!"

School me in the art of standing up for something important in a social networking forum please..

 Mama to my tribe
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#2 of 8 Old 06-16-2009, 12:20 AM
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idk but there are sexual dangers to spanking a child and spanking IS emotionally abusive, and call also even turn into what the law consider physical abuse though the act itself would be considered abusive if it were directed towards anyone other then a child (including dogs)

I also take opportunities to speak up when I see things like this. Could we just let it go? sure. And Rosa Parks could have just sat in the back of the bus. And women could have just kept their mouths shut and let their husbands keep hitting them. People don't get the rights they deserve because other people look the other way and pretend that inhumane treatment is okay because of race, gender, and dare I say it AGE.

Good for you for standing up. Sure, maybe you could have handled it better, but I think it's good you said someting. I wish more people would. It makes me sad that people think less of children then they do of dogs. People say its not their business how a parent disciplines their child but I think when a parents actions are actions that would be illegal when performed on anyone else against their will that those are not actually parents rights its children who are lacking protection of their basic human rights. It's not a parents right to hit a chil if they want to. What we have here is that the childs right to not be hit is not being respected by the law (in some countries.. there are 24 countries who do respect children in this way)
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#3 of 8 Old 06-16-2009, 01:29 AM
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While the comment she made did make me cringe, I also think it was a bit out of line for you to take something a 3rd party wrote and make it into such a huge deal. It might have been simpler to write something like, "Having a big family, I know how strong those feelings can be when we see other peoples' children acting out. However, perhaps next time you could rephrase your sentiments in a way that doesn't advocate hitting children."

I would have just let it go, personally. If she *is* a young mother, she has a lot to learn and you probably just got her all wound up and feeling attacked, so that nothing you said would stick. Maybe you could have gently offered resources online for gentle discipline? Aimed her at MDC or The Natural Child Project?

love, penelope

Bookworm Mama to 6 wonderkids and stepmama to one more: 22, 21, 18, 13, 10, 8 and our Z born April 2013. . Partner to my       
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#4 of 8 Old 06-16-2009, 01:44 AM
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My rule is this:

I walk away from the situation, thread, whatever, and if I go back in a couple of hours and still want to say the same thing I did then, I say it.

Otherwise, I try to leave well enough alone.

Though, I may have been ridiculously tempted to correct her grammar more then anything.
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#5 of 8 Old 06-16-2009, 11:38 AM
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It is really hard not to respond to a stupid comment, but I think that you should have. It probably was a joke, a bad one and better left alone. I'm sure that by calling her out you did nothing but embarrass her and if your intentions were to educate, you didn't. People don't learn well when they are put on the defensive. Or maybe she is just one of those people that like to make provocative statements.
I know how hard it is to ignore that stuff. My stepfather is always spouting off the most stupid old fashioned parenting advice imaginable, but engaging him does nothing but delight him and irritate me further.
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#6 of 8 Old 06-16-2009, 12:43 PM
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I might have made the first comment, but not the second.

I think I'd be annoyed if two of my FB friends who didn't even know each other used my page to have an argument.
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#7 of 8 Old 06-17-2009, 12:39 AM - Thread Starter
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Thank you for all the feedback. Thankfully FB has an option to delete.. I have had to use that function a few times to take off comments that irked me. Maybe I should use the 2 hour rule (come back in 2 hours) when I am a bit hormonal and easily irritated (in the future)

 Mama to my tribe
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#8 of 8 Old 06-17-2009, 01:03 AM
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I usually type up an answer, to get my thoughts out, and then hit the back button, not actually leaving the response in print.

You're not going to get through to her, anyways.

I maybe, MAYBE would have responded to her the first time with something like "Hope you're joking!? Hard to tell tone over the 'net."
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