Does yelling ever work? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 07-03-2009, 01:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have sadly become a yeller. I loathe this but find myself doing ti for impact and as a way to vent MY frustration. I don't think it works very well as a strategy but it can stop things for a minute, which can then lead to regrouping.

Can yelling ever work do you think?
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#2 of 4 Old 07-03-2009, 02:18 AM
 
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For the most part, I find we're all much happier when I don't yell. It definitely DOES NOT work for getting compliance with instructions, rules, etc. It does sometimes work for getting attention, as when somebody is wandering toward the street, or about to run over their sister with a tricycle.

Have you seen Scream-Free Parenting? Helped me a lot. It doesn't have simple easy-to-follow rules. It does help you get some perspective on yelling. Making the commitment not to yell was the biggest step. The changes were gradual, but the dds really do listen to me more now, (even if they don't choose to do what I want, they know what I said and that they are going against it) and though it wasn't my goal, I feel much better and spend much less time feeling cranky and angry and ignored.
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#3 of 4 Old 07-03-2009, 04:05 AM
 
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The time that yelling is most effective is when it's uncommon in the family and you yell "STOP!" when your kids about to do something dangerous and you don't have enough time to physically stop them.

Mostly though because it shocks them into complying without thinking about it.

Other then that, yelling is pretty ineffective. Kids become immune to it and stop listening.

I know that some people, when they feel like yelling go the other way and whisper instead.

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#4 of 4 Old 07-03-2009, 04:06 AM
 
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I did not yell and then I found myself at end of wits anfter few yars
and I had brief few months period when the dd would not listen
or do anything and just the opposite if anything so I really
did it out of shere frustration..

I was also jsut exhosted by many things and I could not act calmly
even if I watned to..

then somehow one day I stopped and decided just not to..
and I did calm and firm when necessary but always calm..
and actualy rather got more quiet then lauder when it was tense..
and that did the trick for me first and then for dd.

somehow after a while she realized that there is no rason to
escalate above me as I was not going anywhere with my voice
or attitude.. so that was good.

I told her once.. I don't want to yeal, and there will be no yealling
in this house.. you won't yeall at me and I won't yell at you..
she tried few times to do that and I say it few times again
and I repeat every time she loses it and starts demanding something
or yelling at me that somehting was wrong or whatever..

I do let her vent her frustrations laudly but not when it is at me or
my dh ..

so far so good few months later.

it was tough at first at times but seeing it works makes a difference.

Now when she does somethign etreeme that at those other times would
cause my really brak down I just sit on a sofa, stop doing anything and sit
still and sad so she would come to me after few minutes and is curious..
or wants something.. and I say that I am very upset now and I need to calm down.. then she usually knows what was the deal and she woudld say..
oh.. mom I am sorry that I did x or y.. I am sorry taht I upset you..

and I did not ask her to say anything yet she does .
for me it means that she realizes and she really means the sorry
and she really is trying not to get there next time..

I thik that what works is the lack of action on my side..
when she does something naughty it is usually out of her own frustrations
so if I react that used to give her reason to be more frustrated now
because of what went wrong and two because I reacted in opposing way..

so calmness sort of throws her out of this path and brings her back.
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