Join Date: Jan 2007
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Christine, mama to Daniel & Abby, 9 and Patrick, 4. Wife to a rockin' train engineer. Gluten and nightshade-free. Multiple kiddie food sensitivities.
I really don't know how to respond anymore. She started hitting me a lot when we were weaning (due to pregnancy) and I probably wasn't hard enough on her b/c I felt so guilty about having to wean. So now she hits me pretty much everytime I say something she doesn't like (for example no ice cream for breakfast or we will go outside later, etc). We've been through hitting hurts and that whole thing. I've also tried taking her to her room and sitting with her to talk about it and she either has such a fit that I would have to forcebly hold her down (which I'm really not comfortable with and to be honest it doesn't work) or she will get completly stone faced and look at me and say "talk about it mama" and then promptly start singing or screaming when I start to speak.
DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).
Same situation, nearly, here. Not quite as volatile, but the screaming, kicking, hitting thing (the hitting and kicking focused mostly on her dad), doing the opposite of what I ask, etc. Our dd is 3.5. our baby is 2 mo. This started pretty much at the same time as the birth though she's loving toward her brother. It seems mainly directed at us or other adults. Although a particularly strong bent toward possessiveness with objects, has reared its head to when playing with other kids. I am at wits end. Feel guilty, 'cause we were so connected and in tune before...at least that's the way I remember it! Not really that halcyon, probably. Its heartbreaking because I did so much intensive AP-ing and feel like it was all for nothing now since I lose my temper, become stern, raise my voice, act roughly now in reaction to the wild uncontrollable times. Its agonizing.
Definitely no advice here, except that the one thing that has helped some philosophically has been a book called Hold on to Your Kids. It talks about "collecting" your children after a break in attachment--which I guess the birth and subsequent caretaking of another child might qualify...this essentially means, getting down on their level, getting into their head space and relating to them. The book says all aggression and willfullness (they call it counterwill) issues are the result of a break in attachment.
This is probably why KweenKrunch's song works...its a way of "collecting" her child back and getting on her level...