s/o of funniest moments of the non-attached parenting upbringing - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-31-2009, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I read the majority of the posts on that thread and unfortunately have some of those experiences from my own non-attached upbringing, specifically with my father.

I constantly worry about screwing up my kids (twin 2.5 year olds and a 1 year old). I constantly try to make sure I raise them to love each other and feel very close and safe to me and my husband.

This question is for those who had a good upbringing. What memories do you have that made you appreciate your parents? What makes you think you had a good upbringing?

I pray and hope my kids grow up and say they had a positive and loving upbringing. I fear that I resort to yelling and showing my anger in front of them. I despise that.

REading that original thread made me realize how critical our mannerisms are when disciplining our children. We can't look insane and about to snap, it could scare the life out of our children, yet, I fear I may look like that when I'm overwhelmed and stressed out.

Again, please share your experiences from an upbringing you had that was positive.

Thank you.
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:58 AM
 
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I feel the same way. Im super critical of myself.

Im working on myself.
::sigh:::

The main thing I need to work on is Patience.
Im not patient but I expect him to be.. KWIM?

Most of my frustration stems from patience.

Im interested to see what people say makes them think they had a good upbringing.

aka: wannabeamamamia
SLC vegan mom to 2 boys- &
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Old 08-01-2009, 08:48 PM
 
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I had a great childhood and a wonderful relationship with my parents (mother in particular). And you know what? Sometimes she yelled. Sometimes she got upset and angry. Sometimes we pushed her buttons and she responded. BUT- we always knew she loved us. She never called us names, even when she was mad. We were never afraid (though, of course, we didn't like it when she was upset, but... it wasn't a time of fear). We learned that being angry sometimes was OK and that even though someone is angry, it is not permanent and doesn't mean there is any less love. And another benefit is that we never had to guess. We always knew where she stood and she was honest with us about her thoughts and oppinions. We knew *her*, not a facade. It encouraged us to be honest and ourselves too.

Don't be afraid of being mad sometimes. Of being upset. Of showing how you feel. Anger doesn't have to be scary. Anger, passion, even being loud can happen without tearing down others. And we were allowed to be angry too. To shout sometimes (without being mean- there IS a difference). To be clear when we've felt we've been wronged. And my parents would apologize if that was what was needed.

We were never hit. We were never demeaned. We were never afraid (though, like I said, that was not because there was never anger or disagreements). We were treated with respect. We felt a lot of freedom (but looking back, my parents had arranged a safe environment for us to explore). We all co-slept. Really, it was all very AP before AP was a thing.

We grew up with humor. Just as they were not hesitant to tell us when they were upset, they also were not reserved with humor. We had lots of jokes. We poked a bit at eachother, we laughed at ourselves.

We grew up secure- we knew where we stood. We knew we could be honest and that relationships can endure truth and disagreements. We knew we didn't have to be perfect, but we knew that trying and working hard was valuable. We knew we could stand on our own (as we were supported through our challenging things).

We had the opportunity to try lots of things to find what we liked- lessons of all kinds, sports, whatever.

We went to great schools and my parents were involved.

Of course, nothing is perfect. My parents marriage was rocky, but they were committed to our family. We did not have many traditions that could be passed on. I remember missing my mom sometimes as she worked to start her own business. But, this is life. It gave us experiences we learned from.
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Old 08-01-2009, 09:13 PM
 
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My parents divorced when I was young and for years my dad would pull crap on my mom, constantly dragging her back to court to try to get custody, etc. then dropping it once they were there, things like that. He didn't care for paying child support and was a real jerk to her (not to me though). The one huge thing I recall is that while dad and his side may have said things about mom that weren't so nice, not ONE single time before I was around 17 yrs old did that woman EVER say anything negative about him in front of me. Mind you I may have eavesdropped and heard her talking to her mom about something he'd done, but she made a point not to drag me into it in any way. Though looking back I realize it must have been hard on her, I knew I could talk to her about anything - including dad. She wasn't perfect in a lot of ways, but in that area she definitely shined.
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