How do you do it? Help me stop yelling at my kids. - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 38 Old 04-20-2012, 03:54 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jennpn View Post

I grew up in a home with a lot of yelling and van feel myself going there with my 2 year old at times. I have taken it out of my resource options. It is simply not an option. I believe it is disrespectful, humiliating and shaming to be yelled at and I wouldn't speak to anyone like that, the last of which would be the one I love most in the world. I remember my reasons why I don't. If I feel my voice raising I lower it as much as I want to raise it until at times I am whispering. It does the trick and usually has a calming effect on my son.
I also say this prayer in my head if I need a moment
"Lord, give me a gentle spirit and the heart of a child...help me to walk at "his" pace and see the world through "his" eyes. Thank you for the gift of motherhood." This always does the trick. I am humbled and can see my little boy just being a little boy through new eyes. Even if your are not religious just redirecting your energy with these words will help.

Good luck mama!

Thank you for this post - I love it ! I have struggled with this yelling for a while now & hate myself for allowing it to happen. Naturally the tears follow with the guilt of treating the most loved one in my life with such little respect. But your post put it into perspective for me, especially the prayer which is SO true. I am very grateful for motherhood and that is above all to everything, something which I should remember when the frustrating little things bring out the yelling. From now on it is simply not an option. Thank you again for making the penny finally drop.
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#32 of 38 Old 04-20-2012, 05:31 AM
 
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Dr. Laura Markham had some really great blog posts about yelling last week and I've found them extremely helpful.

 

*http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/6_Steps_to_Stop_Yelling/

 

*http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/It_only_takes_3_minutes_to_stop_yelling_at_your_child/

 

*http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/Parenting_Blog/post/Your_Self-Support_Plan_to_Stop_Yelling/

 

 


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#33 of 38 Old 04-22-2012, 08:49 AM
 
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Great thread!

 

I was going to suggest these articles from Dr. Laura as well. I get her newsletters and I saved all in this series from last week. I also like the Naomi Aldort book and it reminds me I could reread it about now. And thank you for that little prayer, I printed it out and taped it on the inside of my son's wardrobe for easy reference and will try that too! I also had never really considered what my specific triggers are, and I'll pay attention to that in the coming weeks and see if that awareness can help avoid the situations that set me off. Also, we use Rescue Remedy quite a bit, but I'd never thought to use it when I want to yell. I'll definitely try it next time I'm feeling edgy!

 

I also wanted to say I recently learned a very simple breathing technique. It goes 4-7-8. You breathe in through your nose for a count of 4, then hold for a count of 7, then breathe out (either through nose or mouth) for a count of 8. The important thing is the long out breath. That helps your body regulate the sympathetic nervous system, which is almost always highly activated when we get the urge to yell. The trick with this breathing exercise is not just to do it when you're feeling triggered, but throughout the day to help prevent the trigger setting off your nervous system. I've been doing this for only four days now but I do see a difference in being generally more relaxed. It is so easy to do and I am not usually good at doing "practices", but this one can be done anytime anywhere so I am managing pretty well.

 

I also sometimes do snake breath (just going "sssssssssssssssssssssss") in the heat of the moment when I feel like yelling. It always puzzles my son when I do it (he's a toddler) and once he even started doing it too and I had to laugh...which totally broke up the anger! But it does help me not to yell in that moment.


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#34 of 38 Old 04-23-2012, 09:36 PM
 
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subbing. this i so helpful.


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#35 of 38 Old 05-02-2012, 07:55 AM
 
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Thank you so much for this thread.

 

There has been so much useful - sage advice on here.

 

I am a yeller, which I hate and want / need to change. I don't want this to be my life, but it is. How can a 2 1/2 year old push me to my limit? It is absolutley ridiculous. But, he does.

This has been my internal monologue for what feels like forever. It is definitely too long, anyway

 

I know it is normal toddler stuff, nothing that I am not surprised by.

 

All my friends and family would describe me as patient and laid-back, nothing ever riles me. Man, if only they could be a fly on a wall in our house. I don't want the most important people in my life to see me like this. I am literally a different person and not in a good way. Don't they deserve the best of us?

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you, I will be trying all of these things. I know the way I am now will effect who my children become. I am so mindful of that, and it worries me trremendously.

 

Thank you for the little prayer. It brought tears to my eyes.

 

Peace, love and blessings to you all.

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#36 of 38 Old 05-04-2012, 06:44 AM
 
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I am very grateful for this thread. I did not make to read all posts yet, but I want to recommend a book which helped me a lot (among others) to understand why kids act the way they act and how we can help them to overcome their distress and discouragement.

 

Alyson Schafer: Honey I wrecked the kids

 

http://www.amazon.ca/Honey-Wrecked-Kids-Screaming-Privileges/dp/0470156031

 

Good Luck

 

mirina


Check out this book on kindle http://bit.ly/playsongs

 

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#37 of 38 Old 06-26-2012, 10:51 PM
 
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Great thread!!

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#38 of 38 Old 06-29-2012, 03:57 PM
 
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A positive experience from today:

 

We were having one of those awful days where I was about to lose it by 7:30 a.m.  By 3, I had run through all of my usual coping techniques, lost my temper and forced myself to calm down and regroup over and over again.  Things were not improving.  So...I used the "if you can't say anything nice don't say anything" rule.  I said maybe 10 words in 2 hours, and instead, I focused on non-verbal communication, and just observing my daughter.  We both calmed waaaay down, and by the end, it was almost like a game.  I actually felt like playing!  When she asked one of her millions of questions, I answered with action/inaction.  When she asked a yes or no question, I nodded my head, which required us to look at each other while we spoke.  When she made one of her bazillions of random statements, I'd smile or frown (or whatever).  Instead of asking her to do things and her saying no, I just help up her shorts with a questioning look, and she would hold out her foot for me to start putting them on her.  It really did change my perspective enough to break me out of my funk. Thought I'd share, in hopesit might be a trick that works for others, too.

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