I agree with most of what has been said but have another take on it for you to consider, SAHM21.
Sounds like your 3 year old is really getting violent and, though the quote below is right that it's emotionally based, it is
also behavioural. I say that because, by allowing him to continue doing these things, without making sure they stop, you're allowing him to form a habit of how he deals with his anger. A neural pathway is being formed that connects anger/hurt feelings/loss or whatever it truly is for him with acting out.
Originally Posted by Barbie64g
To thier little perceptions, when they see the only person in their whole universe giving this other little person all the attention, even if its just holding, they start to feel put out, and they will act out. Just remember this is all emotional, not behavioral.
He needs to know, in no uncertain terms, and with a neutral energy from you
, that what he's doing is not okay.
For example, anything that gets thrown at a door, used to draw on a wall or for any other purpose that is not going to bring good things into your boys and your family's life, gets taken away. And not for a day. For at least a week.
If that means that ever toy he owns disappears, then so be it. You are making sure that he learns the important lesson of how to deal with his emotions before they become habit. (Ever tried to loose weight? Breaking habits is VERY hard!)
I challenge you to look at two difficult things:
1) Your child is a vastly powerful, coherent, intelligent being. Are you treating him as if he can't
choose a better response to his anger? Are you allowing him to choose the easiest expression of displeasure and hurt when he's very capable of one that gets him better results?
2) What are your beliefs about yourself and why he's behaving this way? In what ways might you be telling yourself you're not (doing, being, loving) enough and causing
him to behave this way?
So, as with any advice I give - and in my work I give a lot - I say: Take what works and leave what doesn't but do some soul searching to make sure you don't throw the baby out with the bathwater!
I hope you can get some time to yourself to recharge in this hard time you're going through. Breath deeply and remember that you are a FANTASTIC Mom already and you'll only get better as you go!