This is a bone of contention between a friend and me, so I am curious to hear others' opinions.
I do avoid using strong language around other people's kids, because I know that not everybody is as blase about the issue as I am.
However, lately she's more sensitive to it and those words are more hurtful to her than others so we are working on more gentle language.
I am sensitive around other kids to it - or try to be as best I can. But I also don't think swear words themselves are the issue so much as respectful communication. So, for example, if I drop a cast iron pan on my foot and yell f***in h**** I don't really think that's a big deal; if I say "f*** you" to someone then that's a problem. I'd rather address communication then arbitrarily defined words.
Anyway, I wouldn't love it if my kids picked up swear words, and I would tell them that I prefer they communicate in a different way. We're sort-of struggling with this right now, as DD (five years old) has picked up "Oh my God!" from somewhere. Her bus driver, it seems? We are atheists and I don't personally have a problem with that, but I know that some of the people DD interacts with will, so I've been trying to get her to stop, telling her that some people take God really seriously, and hearing her use this expression might hurt their feelings. I haven't heard it in a week or so, so maybe it's sinking in.
We have a CD right now that my FIL made for the kids, and one of the songs on there is Johnny Cash's "Boy Named Sue." At the end of the song the line is "I'm the ----beeeeeeeeep!---- who named you Sue." My kids are incredibly intrigued by that long beep, and asked me what he was saying. I explained the concept of swears, saying there are some words that a lot of people consider impolite and that singers aren't allowed to say on the radio, and so sometimes these words are replaced by a beep.
Then, of course, the kids wanted me to tell them the words. I politely declined. Sorry, kids, I'm not teaching you all the swears today. You're on your own for that part of your education. If they come home saying swears or asking about them, though, I'll certainly talk about them calmly. I just don't think I need to give a 5-year-old and a 3.5-year-old those words right now.
Since he's picked this up, we're trying really hard to watch what we say. With DH though, these words are just peppered through his every day language! Gah.
I also don't believe that adults should be allowed to say x, y or z and the kids are not.
Tina - mama to DD1 11yrs, DD2 6.5yrs, DD3 3 yrs & baby due in June 2015 and wifey to DH.
I don't think that every household where people choose to swear is an unhappy one, but I much prefer no to talk to each other that way.
To me it's about making every piece of your life beautiful, peaceful and kind. Some might feel plastic pollutes their child's toys - I believe swears pollute the speech and relationships in the similar manner, yk?
Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
In our house words are words.
We do teach about choosing your words for your audience.
That being said, we really don't swear in front of the kids aside from an occasional word here and there.
I love this board!!
I don't care that she swears, but it is culturally unaccepted and so feel like I need to guide her in the right direction.
Basically what Alegna said.... swearing is like being naked, we can do it at home and only then only sometimes.... it depends on who we are with.
My favorite it when we are out with friends and my dd throws up her hands at something that doesn't make sense and says "WTF?"
In general i think words can be very powerful and swear words definitelyhave their place in the language. In fact i think when my teen girls are able to use the Cword with confidence i'll be incredibly proud of them!
I basically tell him that dp and I don't really mind it occasionally, but not to swear in front of anyone else. He has never used a swear word in front of anyone else.
Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
We do swear. My kids know that some words are grown up words and some are not. Some are also ok at our house and not ok other places.
We don't ever permit using a curse word (or a mean one for that matter) towards someone else. I don't let my kids drink alcohol or other adult things so I don't feel bad telling them there are words they can't use that we can. I do try hard to limit my own use of them and usually it's in pain or REALLY bad news (like "honey I totaled the car this morning")
Words are just that in our house. There are no "grown up" words, etc. I have explained to my kids that swear words aren't particularly creative and in general aren't the most effective way to communicate your thoughts. There are many wonderful words in our language to effectively communicate. If someone says a swear word, I don't sweat it. However, I may say a simple, "Watch the language, please." I am particularly inclined to say this if someone is swearing more. This mainly applies to my husband (again, after coming home from a bad day at work). Anyone can say this to anyone else in our home. The kids will often give dh a, "Please watch your language, Daddy." To which he apologizes and watches his language more.
My stepdaughter knows these words, and she knows there better be a good reason to use them in our house, and they don't get directed at other people.
She also knows they're off limits at school or at anyone else's house, ESPECIALLY anyone she calls "grandma." (I know her mom's language use is similar to mine, though I have no idea what her policy is at her house.)
So far, so good..."What did you do on your first sleepover?" "Jade and I stayed up ALL NIGHT and said swear words and played Harry Potter! It was SO COOL!"
Spouse (the political geek) * Stepdaughter (the artist) * and introducing...the Baby (um, he's a baby? He likes shiny things).
however my dd was brought up to know the power of words - rather intonations. she had the right to say anything she wanted as long as she wasnt intentionallyy hurting anyone.
she went thru a phase of saying the f-word as her dad uses it regularly, but what was funny when she decided a certain word was a bad word and i should not use it at all.
dd has heard sh** come out of me often enough but she was more attracted by her dad's F***.
There are certain situations where it would be horrific should they say them so I discourage it. I do try to limit my use of them but if one slips out I dont worry much about it.
My reaction to the word usually depends on the word for something like s*** I say that isnt very nice and not appropriate for anyone to say and for the B,F or GD words those I tell them in no uncertain terms they are never to say it again and consequence happen if it is repeated. I have never nor will I ever say those words in front of my kids. I cannot STAND those words to the point of having them blocked on my computer with word changer in firefox. But I dont consider crap or fart or oh my gosh to be bad words at all. They have however heard them on TV and know they exist luckily it hasnt been an issue yet.
SAHMlovin' fan to DD 10/00 & DS 10/04 If your ds is intact, keep him safe, visit the Case Against Circ forumCirc, a personal choice, Your sons11/986/99anti-tobaccoThyroid cancer survivor. With & & (Boxer) wishing 4 &
I thought it was completely adorable when they would "try on" curses as toddlers. I also thought it was completely adorable when they would try on mature multi-syllabic words. One of the girls used to say "Actually, here's how it is" at the start of pretty much every sentence. So cute in baby-voice.
eta: This is pretty regional, it seems to me. In my daily life, everyone curses. My workplace is full of potty-mouths. All my friends curse, although many do so less in front of kids or in "official" social meetings (like homeschool group business meetings or PTA meetings). We throw around the F-bomb like it's spare change.
Funny story - the first time one of my children swore. . . We were at the drugstore and I had pulled the kids in our wagon. I'd asked an employeee for help finding something, and was hauling the wagon after me but not really paying attention to my children (I think my twins were about 2 1/2 at the time). My son stood up in the wagon and yelled "SHIT" at the top of his lungs. He'd obviously already internalized that these types of words have high attention-getting value. I actually found it more funny than embarrassing (and the employee was a college-age guy, who probably didn't even realize that 2 year olds shouldn't say that word).
DD and DS are 11 & DD is 4 Our car is a bike!
Sharing our with 3, 2 & 4
I don't believe in having a double standard when it comes for language because I think part of being a parent is being a good role model. Swear words are words that carry a lot of heat and they are generally viewed as very negative words. I personally don't like to be around swearing and I don't gravitate towards people who swear, but each family needs to make their own choice. There are many negative consequences for children who swear in our society and there are some for adults who swear. It is also very hard to just stop swearing when you are in the habit of it and that can cause a lot of problems for children and adults when they are in school or work.