what does GD look like with 17mo? - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-11-2010, 12:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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it seems we have conflicting ideas around here about what she understands, should be doing, is not ok....

can you tell me-

if you had a 17mo whos play was going around the house knocking things over, dumping things out, throwing things down, tearing things up

would you try and direct gently that towards something else
or
just let her do it as much as she wanted, its a her age and a phase
or
let it go but at (insert age here) start trying to direct her?

Also

do you think that high pitched screaming when she wants something, doesnt want something, or feels like you are not paying attention to her should be ignored? responded to? ask her to stop?

what about other stuff you dont like- hitting, bashing the computer, etc? I almost never say "NO", i try and change the situation, but that isnt always possible, and she doesnt seem to understand NO yet.

Im just not sure what the "right" thing to do is at this age. She not a tiny baby but she not a kid yet really.....

PS she is non-verbal at this point
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Old 01-11-2010, 01:51 AM
 
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I tell DD what I want her to do (not what I don't want her to do). It's a bit easier as she has 60+ words, so she doesn't scream much for stuff. Have you tried using signs for basic stuff ? That REALLY helped when DD was non verbal. I redirect and distract for when she's disruptive, but she's hard to refocus so she gets babygated out of rooms with sensitive stuff.

Lucky wife to DH and mom to DS (10/02) and sweet DD (7/08) and DSD (3/93) and assorted animalia
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Old 01-11-2010, 02:42 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BaaBaa View Post
if you had a 17mo whos play was going around the house knocking things over, dumping things out, throwing things down, tearing things up

would you try and direct gently that towards something else
or
just let her do it as much as she wanted, its a her age and a phase
or
let it go but at (insert age here) start trying to direct her?
I have taken different receptacles and filled them with arbitrary objects that I changed frequently and placed them around the home. I put them on the floor if they were tall like a waste basket height, and on bookshelves at dc's eye level, emptied out cupboards of things I cared about and instead filled them with kitchen objects that couldn't be broken, etc... I essentially gave my dc what they were looking for and baited them away from what I didn't want disturbed.

It didn't always work, of course, but it really cut down on the mess. I also ended up moving nearly everything non-child-friendly up several feet from the floor, as a new way of life, but I have had babies non-stop for 6 yrs, so this was a matter of preserving what little ideas of sanity I might like to occasionally pretend to have.


Quote:
Also
do you think that high pitched screaming when she wants something, doesnt want something, or feels like you are not paying attention to her should be ignored? responded to? ask her to stop?
Well, I think that's up to you. If you can tolerate and don't mind it, and think that she will be welcome when you visit friends when this is her chosen form of communication, then why bother about it? I have friends like this, who have never done anything to even inform their dc that shrieking isn't generally well understood or appreciated, but then again, some people don't care, so...

Personally, I would probably end up in a sanitorium if I didn't at least take the time to help my dc understand that screaming is mostly ineffective unless the situation is dire. I do start that when they're new though, super gently informing them that they are okay, taken care of and they they don't need to scream- never in a repudiating way, just in a tone of informing them like I do wuith anything else. In spite of that, I have two dc whose first inclination is to shriek, but thankfully, the bar is usually set pretty high, so it's not happening all the time. I do ask them to lower their voices and speak clearly once they are verbal.

I wouldn't ignore my dc. I think it's disrespectful. I will inform them that I am not available and then not be, but to just ignore is rude, imo, and really, it's sort of a silent shriek, so no benefit there for anyone.

Quote:
what about other stuff you dont like- hitting, bashing the computer, etc? I almost never say "NO", i try and change the situation, but that isnt always possible, and she doesnt seem to understand NO yet.
I think it's funny, as in humourous, that 'no' is really their word at that age. It belongs to the littles.

I have oftentimes just had to stop everything and pick up my dc, walk them to another room- usually the kitchen- and keep them in arms until either they showed an interest in something other than bashing the computer (for instance) or I could come up with something I knew would interest them more. If that didn't work, they stayed in my arms and everything else had to wait. Actually, I do that still someyimes with my 4 yr old, and still frequently with my 26 mo. old. If I could lift any of the others, I'd probably still do it for them too- including dh.

My dc have not been the most redirectable little people. None of them forget and they cannot be distracted. The only one that didn't flat-out reject that was ds3 who didn't forget, but was so easy-going that he would oblige our little attempts to interest him away from his pursuit, only to once he was done with that, calmly go back to what he was previously doing! It didn't matter how long he was otherwise engaged; I think he kept a mental to-do list and accommodated our interruptions. The others just refused.

Quote:
Im just not sure what the "right" thing to do is[...]
Sorry, I just had to cut you off there because everyday that is running through my mind on spin cycle. I'm hoping someday it will at least slow down if it turns out that I never really figure it out. I honestly feel like I'm feeling my way through a labrynth with a blindfold on. I wish I could see all the possible outcomes and then pick the ones that best suit and work backward from there, but alas...


Quote:
at this age. She not a tiny baby but she not a kid yet really.....
But I do completely get this too. So hard. I guess I have erred on the side of "will it kill or seriously injure anyone?" If not, and no other severe consequences can be predicted, then I'm pretty much a 'yes woman' at that age and in general. WITH guidance, not 'yes' and cut them loose, of course, just 'yes and let's see what happens- together."

Well, I've been absent for 8 months, and during that time, it turns out that I have completely transformed. You are all precious. Thank you for being here and sharing your lives. You are truly a gift. namaste.gif Jan. 23, 2012

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Old 01-11-2010, 11:43 AM
 
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It's cool that we both have normal 16-18 month olds. I read in a book that 18 months is the peak of this particular type of stressful behavior and that it'll build up and then start getting better and by 21 months it's all good. (And then a new thing will start up and have a peak at 2.5 years and around and around through age 6 or so. For some kids they cycle through easy at the half years and stressful near their birthdays)

So, worse comes to worse, wait it out.

That said, if I don't want to clean it up daily, it goes up high or gets closed up. For awhile, I even had a cloth stapled across the front of a book case.
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Old 01-11-2010, 11:54 AM
 
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Oh, and as much as possible, say what you want to happen.
"trash goes in the trash can, pick that up and put it in"
"cans stay in the pantry", go to pick up can, "you want to carry it? okay, take it to the kitchen"
"books stay on the shelf... you want to read that book? okay, enjoy! I'll put the rest of the books back on the shelf" (note, the books in question are my books. her books are all in a box under the TV easy to reach with the covers facing her so she can just flip through them. she prefers mine. )
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:12 AM
 
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I childproof as much as I can so I don't have to say "no" so much. It reduces a lot of stress. You can leave a drawer or cabinet in each room unlocked with safe stuff for her to play with, then just clean it up when she's done (perhaps have her help... my DD often likes to help put things away too).

About the screaming... i agree with PP that sign language is AWESOME for when they are nonverbal. My DD went through a phase of screaming even though we signed and even when she could talk...

My solution was to give her options for what she could do instead of screaming. I would say things like, "Use a nice voice please" and "When you want more water, please say 'water' (when she could, obviously), or before she could say it, I would ask her to point to the water, etc.). Like anything at this age, it takes a lot of repitition over time before they stop doing it entirely.

Mama to Ella, 6/23/08
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Old 01-14-2010, 03:16 AM
 
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Oh yeah and with hitting, I tell her something like, "we don't hit people... we touch gently" and then show her how.

If she's hitting (or doing other inappropriate behaviors) because she's mad, you can verbalize her feelings for her and give her alternatives for expressing her anger safely/appropriately (clapping, stomping, etc.)

Mama to Ella, 6/23/08
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Old 01-15-2010, 11:41 PM
 
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mostly just a lot of baby proofing, redirecting and turning a blind eye at times with this age!
my kitchen has all but two cabinets locked up, the two she can open are filled with the pots and pans (easy to put away) and a cabinet of her stuff (bags of cookie cutters, tupperware, sippys, etc..) all of our book cases and open shelving are either empty on the bottom or have things she is allowed to play with (and they are bolted to the wall, we have a climber!) i dont think there really is anything she can touch that isnt safe besides a few outlets with cords exposed ( havent been able to install the covers yet) i can nearly let her run the house unsupervised at this point, and my life is FAR less stressful because of it. it didnt happen over night, just slowly fixing things to accomodate a more lax environment.
with shrieking i usually will yell with her and then bring my voice quieter and quieter (we play it as a game every once in a while too, kind of like a fire drill) and she has started to do the same. i also verbalize her frustrations for her and that seems to help a lot. its such a tricky point because they are so close to communicating effectively but SO FAR from it. really frustrating.
we also do a lot of high energy activity in the morning and that really helps with the destructive moods. i find that she becomes destructive when she has pent up energy that becomes frustration.
and remember "this too shall pass"
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