Feeling like a bad mama, hoping for some support :( - Mothering Forums
Gentle Discipline > Feeling like a bad mama, hoping for some support :(
lawschoolmama's Avatar lawschoolmama 03:31 PM 02-20-2010
Ugh, I just feel like I need to get this all out of me right now, so it will be a bit of a vent and search for support As a bit of background: DD is 28 months old, and I am currently 21 weeks pregnant with her little sister This pregnancy hasn't been as easy as the last one--I work full-time now as an attorney (I was a law student when PG with DD), I have been sick constantly, first with morning sickness, then with nasty colds, the stomach flu, etc. And I just feel like I have so little patience right now with DD, and it makes me sad and guilty and I'm already dealing with some guilt related to my concern that I will not be a good enough mama to two DCs, the fact that DD recently weaned because of no milk, etc. I just feel like I'm not at all living up to my own GD ideals: I'm not playful enough, I'm not patient enough, I'm not happy and easygoing and calm enough. I'll be doing great, and then I'll just suck and feel bad about it the rest of the day As an example: She had a tantrum this morning because my sister ate the same cereal that DD likes, and DD mistakenly thought that my sister had eaten it all and there was none left for her. I was very calm and patient, rocked her, spoke to her gently, and soon her tantrum passed. I felt great. Then we got into this big power struggle over brushing teeth, which lately has been happening at least twice a day. I've tried everything with teeth--but each "trick" only works once or twice then we're back to the power struggle. What do you do when they just will not brush?! Also, she's potty-learning and doing great--so why do I feel frustrated and almost compelled to complain when sometimes, like today, she doesn't want to use the potty and wants a diaper instead? Argh, I don't know what my problem is, I just feel like a crap mom who isn't patient or creative enough to be worthy of my girls

Latte Mama's Avatar Latte Mama 03:44 PM 02-20-2010
We all have those days mama. At least you have the excuse of being preggers . I get frustrated and have to remind myself a thousand times a day that he's just a babe.

The toddler years are tough and none of us here are bad moms. We just have "trying moments". Sometimes I go in the bedroom and scream in a pillow. It helps!
Katwoman's Avatar Katwoman 04:37 PM 02-20-2010
I'm sorry you feel this way! I hate that feeling! (I used to suffer from it all the time. Fortunately, it's down to now and then right now. ;-) )

Have you talked to your midwife or naturalpath? It sounds like your body could use some extra support right now. More vitamins or adrenal support. I am NOT a medical person by any means. But I was really suffering when I had a 2 yo and my 1 yo wasn't sleeping because she was sick - for almost a year. I was barely able to function. Seriously! There were times were I felt like I could actually die from lack of sleep while I was walking down the hall. My ND gave me extra vitamins, put me on Vit D and some serious adrenal support. It wasn't a miracle cure, I didn't all of a sudden feel like roses were coming out of my - um - ears. ;-) BUT all of it made my body feel better enough that I was able to deal with my children. (And their illnesses.) It was amazing to me to go from not being able to deal because I felt so bad, to feeling good enough that I knew we were going to make it.

It's just something to think about. When I was pg with my second, my first was about 16 months old when she stopped nursing. I was committed to tandem nursing, but about wk 20 of my pg my first decided she was done nursing. Until that point I felt AWFUL, just physically drained. Turns out her stopping nursing was really helpful to me. Apparently my nutrition was not good enough to sustain a pg, nursing and me all at the same time. When I took the nursing out of the equation, my body felt better.

I'm just throwing these things out there because I really think your body could be getting more support. Once your body felt better it would be easier for you to be the person you want to be/really are.
Katwoman's Avatar Katwoman 01:38 AM 02-23-2010
How are you doing today?

I've been thinking about you ....
nina_yyc's Avatar nina_yyc 02:14 AM 02-23-2010
and congratulations on your pregnancy!

My kids are just a little bit farther apart than that and I can totally relate.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lawschoolmama View Post
Argh, I don't know what my problem is, I just feel like a crap mom who isn't patient or creative enough to be worthy of my girls
You're supposed to be a mom, not a saint. Be honest with yourself and your kids about your boundaries and take care of yourself first. You really sound like you need a break, and it's not going to hurt your DD to learn that your every moment doesn't revolve around her, particularly with a sibling on the way.
laila2's Avatar laila2 08:09 PM 02-23-2010
I felt like a bad mom today too. I feel depressed and not worthy. I owe them.

DH is out of town, so it is me, 6.5 dd and 3.5 ds. Our extra burden is the inlaws needing extra care these days, and they are not making it easy on us. But it is not like being pregnant.

I think sometimes I let things get out of hand and it is my fault. I said that because it sounds like you were trying hard to be patient, and sometimes that is hard to do. Ds was grabbing my nose while we were listening to dd read a book. I let it go on till I could not take it anymore, then he would not stop. I led him to believe it was funny (which it was for a short time), then he would not take me seriously when I needed my space. I spanked him once without anger, but that upset us all. There were other things leading up to the spank. DD had to be told several times to get in jammies. I think we were all worn out from being so well mannered earlier. And I tell my dh not to spank. I feel so bad. And it was almost bed time.

Here is me trying hard: We had had a great night. I let them ride their bikes for 15 minutes when we got home. Dd did her homework while I got dinner ready. They got into jammies. We put happy faces on the reward board. I was feeling great. Time for my reward of facebook, TV, desert. I wanted them to get to bed. So I cut bedtime routine short. Big mistake for me to not tell ds nightly story, or climb into bed for a few minutes with dd. What would it have cost me? A bad morning that is what.

This morning was not the best. Ds was very hard to handle, likely due to the spanking the night before. I hollared at him after he hit me repeatedly. DD was not wonderfully cooperative like she was yesterday. I feel terrible. Have I said it enough?

But I do realize I have to forgive myself, and ask the kids to forgive me. We just have off days sometimes. Also it is hard switching gears. I work FT professional like you.
Up