Help! I have no idea how to handle this. My son has been acting out in a lot of ways the last 3 days, which i think is due to cutting his molars, and the fact that his dad and older sister (my SD) just left town for 2 weeks. Also, the night before my DH left, he was home with DS while i took his daughter out to dinner. DS was very fussy, getting into everything, and could not sleep, and DH was stressed and got overly frustrated when DS bit him on the knee. (pushed him back so he fell on the floor and yelled) I am adding that in because I don't know how much whatever stress from that evening with his dad has affected him.
Last evening he did something he has never done before. He picked up 2 1$ toys at a store, and i was telling him he needed to put one back. We have been working on this lately, and usually after some reluctance, he gives whatever it is up. This time, he darted towards the front door of the store, and ran out, into the 5 MPH parking lot street, which is usually very busy. Often people speed, but amazingly i caught him and no one was coming from either direction.
Of course he didn't get a toy. I firmly told him what he did was very naughty and very dangerous and he could have been hurt, and how, and how he must stay with mommy in the store etc etc. I did not let him down for the next 10 min. because i had to pay for what i came in for. I kept talking to him about it. He seemed to sense the fear in my voice, which i understand is an important part of getting across danger discipline.
I have never yelled at or spanked my child, though i have done time out maybe 2-3 times. Most people think of me as a very laid back, permissive mom, but i just try to be very in-tune, sensitive, and use age appropiate gentle discipline.
DS has always been a sweet baby, but also has always had an extremely strong will, which is compounded by the fact he is over the 100% percentile in size, and has tons of persistance. Because he can get easily frustrated at times i have always tried to keep a calm attitude about things that don't really matter, and try to create as much of a yes environment as possible. DH is getting more or more on board after coming from raising his first 2 children with yelling, spanking, CIO, etc.
I feel like it is very difficult for me to go anywhere- i am so scared after how easiy my child could have been killed last night. Today i took him to the farmers market and even though i talked to him ahead of time about staying with mama, and holding my hand or onto the stroller, he kept trying to get away. He loves to go there and helps me pick things out, so it is usually an occasion for him to be good. We were going to get O.J. but while we waited he kept knocking all the stuff down at the stand over and over and do i told him we were now not going to get juice and why and that we were going to leave, and i put him in the car and repeated why we did not get juice since he was still asking for juice.
Besides the whole running away/not staying with mama thing, here are some other things i need help with:
1.) if you tell him "no" or do something he dosen't like, he spits at you, like a raspberry spit, like a toddler way of saying "fuck you!"
2.) if he is done eating or dosen't like something, he spits it out onto the floor.
3.) the constant dumping!!! if you give him a snack, he dumps it out all over the floor. the same with everything else, and if can access a glass of water, the same thing. he has been doing this for over a year!
4.) he is getting to the point where he likes to have his diaper off but will take it off and pee on the floor and won't have anything to do with the potty chair or the big toilet.
5.) aggression with us. this is better except for times like this. hitting, biting, kicking, scratching are still happening on occasion.
6.) raspberry spitting...sometimes he does it in our faces in a playful way which we tell him we don't like and put him down. sometimes he also does it when people say hi to him, or to other kids.
Most of the time, he is a very sweet, loving, energetic boy who is very charming. he is def. spirited and a handful but always has been. he is talking and seems to understand directions. when you say no he often acts like he dosen't hear you. He is still pretty clingy and likes to be held, but is getting more and more independent.
I am committed to raising my child gently, with no yelling, hitting, threats or other things like that. i also want to raise a kind, respectful child, but with his spirit and self-esteem fully intact.
my husband is getting more on my side by seeing how other ways do not work with our child, and if you yell at him, he just tends to keep repeating the undesired behavior. my husbands personality is intense and DS often has worse behavior around DH. I have tried very hard to be the very stable, calm and consistant one and hope i have not erred on the side of being overly gentle.
DS still bed-shares with me, he was induced with cervadil at 42 weeks, i have diabetes, he has had no vax's, he is very healthy, but had a bad first year of ear infections and always has difficulty sleeping. he stopped napping near his 2nd birthday but is starting again. both DH and i have some mental health history, though we are both quite stable, and i was on medications before my pregnancy. there was a lot of tension between DH and i esp. DS's first year. My SD is very loud, rough, and a very brusque personality. DS does watch Kipper, Thomas etc at rest times, but i am weaning him from screen time (though he has a lot when dad watches him.) He also has had sugar in his diet but i am weaning the entire household off sugar, processed food etc little by little. He does drink "juice"- which is about 1/8 of a cup full of water. I am sharing all this just because i want to provide as many clues as possible into things which might affect behavior.
His day is not really structured but i think it is very predictable. Bedtime is the same routine, and the same approx time. I take him out to the park many times a week, and play with him, and let him explore and give him tons of attention.
I am just really freaked out about what happened last night, and need ideas, or at least just support. Tomorrow we have to be around my family for easter and i know i will get some unsolicited advice from my mom and sisters and i need some support!!!! Thanks for reading- i know this is very long.