Anyone try "Total Transformation" program? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-17-2010, 09:20 AM - Thread Starter
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dh & I are seriously considering this. I'm at my wits end with my 5yo. Most words out of his mouth are mean: stupid, shut-up, or his tone of voice. Many, MANY times a day I tell him we don't say those words and I give him a better phrase to say. It doesn't sink in. He may show remorse after I yell at him (reached my limit on ignoring/choosing battles).

He hits and I tell him how he could have handled the situation better. But he still hits almost every day. Sometimes me. I see other threads here and talking to other moms and we all have the same is this all normal and we muddle through it? If so, I just can't believe all moms deal with this all the time, but it seems like we are. (and if so, I can't believe most moms say how wonderful kids are! ;( )

yes, we do time outs, 1-2-3, positive reinforcement, re-directing, showing better ideas, taking away toys/ privleges.... I feel like there is something really big that I'm missing!

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#2 of 6 Old 04-17-2010, 09:50 AM
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I have seen those commercials. They just sound too good to be true. I'm very curious what "the secret words" are that the parents say to make magic. I've looked over the internet and the library to try to find out.
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#3 of 6 Old 04-17-2010, 12:16 PM
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A friend was using it and liked it. (Her kids were a bit older.) Of course the "magic" claim is just silly. It's probably yet another "take what you like and leave the rest" thing.
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#4 of 6 Old 04-17-2010, 10:09 PM
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Rather than that program I recommend Playful Parenting to start with. It shows you how to turn a lot of argumentative situations into playful, less tension filled ones. It even deals with saying words that parents don't normally like. Basically it goes "you can say stupid, but don't say <insert nonsense word here>" and act horrified when he repeats you. Even though we feel we have all the right answers for the way kids should deal with situations it doesn't mean they want to hear it a lot. After reading into some books on gentle discipline you may see that the time outs, punishing and the like really can backfire.

Cathy mom to 13 y/o DD, 10 y/o DD, 7 y/o DS

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#5 of 6 Old 04-18-2010, 10:20 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks for the replies! I've read almost all posts here on gd and tried a couple more techniques and we had a really good day yesterday. So we'll keep working on it!
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#6 of 6 Old 04-27-2010, 02:36 AM
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Hi, It is hard dealing with such behavior.

I just wanted to recommend "the explosive child". Not necessarily for being "explosive" but mor for the collaborative problem solving technique that is explained. Again, the book is based on the premise "kids do well if they can." I found the collaborative problem solving "technique" to make a lot of sense and it really carries over to all types of situations. Great read.
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