toddler's anger at being talked down to - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 05-10-2010, 11:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
vagabonder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 305
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a 2 1/2 dd who gets very upset when adults talk down to her in a childish manner. For example, when they say things like, "DD, you are so smart" or "DD, you know such big words!" I think a lot of it is the tone which is hard to describe, but not a way you would talk to an adult. I can see why it would be annoying to her, but I'm not sure how to direct her on how to respond to these adults. Currently she will yell "No!" at them and then if they continue to use that tone will hit them. I would like to find an effective solution for her to express her feelings about this while also not hurting the feelings of the adults that do not realize how they are coming across. Any ideas? I'm also curious if most toddlers are bothered by this?
vagabonder is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 05-11-2010, 01:18 AM
 
One_Girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 4,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
My dd never cared about things like this, she loved having people tell her that she is good at things and really internalized that very nicely. A kid that age did ask my mom why she was talking down to him and she rethought how she talks to young kids after that. You may be able to teach your dd to do this by do a little toy play about it. Have one of the toys talk down to the other toy and then the other toy ask that question. You can also model the other way with hitting and then tell the toy that hitting hurts and what to say instead of hitting. I found modeling through play to be a very effective way to teach dd how to deal with all kinds of things.
One_Girl is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 05-11-2010, 05:07 PM
jkn
 
jkn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Philedalphia
Posts: 52
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My toddler tends to eat stuff like this up, so I don't have any btdt tips for you. I think the toy play is a good idea, and to deal with the hitting, maybe find appropriate ways to model how hitting hurts, is not nice etc. Just is general, I talk to my DS (3) about how it's rude to yell and hit, and that it's okay to be upset about something, but that it's important not to hurt peoples feelings, and to try and express why he is upset. Good luck
jkn is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 05-11-2010, 05:18 PM
 
foodymama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: PA
Posts: 202
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My DD is really bothered by this. I'm not sure how to handle it when we are in a public situation. The best I can do is remove her from the individual making the comment and tell her it will be okay. With family, I just blatantly ask them to leave her alone and stop talking to her and then try to comfort her. I feel bad for her that those comments upset her so but at the same time wonder what it is all really about.

Married to my soul mate and totally devoted to DD (6/08) and enjoying our 2 cats and many fish. Wishing for a "green" house in the country where we can raise more children!
foodymama is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 05-12-2010, 02:10 PM
 
NellieKatz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 657
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I read somewhere that when you praise & label a child by saying how GOOD or how SMART they are, it causes them great anxiety because they know they have moments where they are NOT good, or not smart, as we all do. They want to live up to expectations but because they are human, they can't always, so they have a bit of a freakout about it.

That's what I heard. And it makes lots of sense, to me.
NellieKatz is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 05-12-2010, 05:48 PM
 
justKate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Gloucester Point, VA
Posts: 3,563
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not sure how common it is, but this was me as a child. Was she very verbal at an early age? Is she otherwise shy?

I do think it might have something to do with perceived pressure as NellieKatz mentioned.

Just brainstorming--would she be able to ask "what do you mean?" or say "I'm not a baby" or something like that?

justKate is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off