Potty humor - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-17-2010, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We tried ignoring this phase for a LONG time, but it did not work. Additionally, DD is not allowed to say this stuff at school, so allowing it at home sent a mixed message. I am not a prude, but I am really sick of it, especially at meals. Can anyone suggest a nonshaming consequence or alternate idea?

Another issue here is that DD's friends and peer groups are allowed to say this stuff as much as they want, so it's confusing and hard for her to be around that and not be allowed to do it herself. Suggestions on how to deal with that? (That's another argument against ignoring--her friends are allowed to do it and they do it constantly! They also like to pull down their pants and moon folks, threaten to pee on people, wave their penises around, etc. These kids are 4+, mostly in K, so not that young any more.)

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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Old 05-17-2010, 12:10 PM
 
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My dd never had any trouble understanding that somethings allowed at home aren't allowed at school.

I honestly wouldn't worry about it so much. It's a normal phase, and the reason all the other kids are doing it is because that's what 4 and 5 year olds do.

I just told dd I didn't like it. I don't think she ever mooned anyone outside of our family, but if she had I'd just tell her to keep her pants on outside the house. The "waving penises" thing shouldn't be a problem for your dd, but you can talk to the boys' parents about that, and I think that would be reasonable.

Otherwise, personally, I'd relax about it. Say when you don't want to hear about it, but she'll outgrow it on her own, and it's such a normal developmental thing I think you're fighting a losing battle if you go after it so hard.
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Old 05-17-2010, 12:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My dd never had any trouble understanding that somethings allowed at home aren't allowed at school.
Well... DD does have trouble with this. Her impulse control isn't the greatest. We tried this approach and it didn't work.

This phase has lasted months and months. The only good thing I can say is that she doesn't really do it with just the family anymore, but she still does it in spades around other kids. I think our eventual approach (a neutral-toned "No potty words, please") did work for here, but around other kids and people there is more reaction and giggling and it's much harder for her to resist.

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Old 05-17-2010, 01:17 PM
 
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We had rules about where potty talk could be done. I allowed it in the car and in the house as long as it was just us or a friend but not in public. Later I stopped allowing it at meal time also. We just talked about how the words make some people very uncomfortable and some were getting too gross for meal times and about the boundaries for having a nice outing and comfortable meal times. When dd forgot I reminded her by saying "we are in public" or "it's dinnertime" and she was fine with that.

We also talked about private body parts and not showing them in public and my dd got it immediately and has never had the impulse to show anything off. If my dd was saying she would pee on someone we would have talked about it immediately and if it ever happened again we would have ended our playdate or outing right then. Flashing people, mooning people, and saying extremely disrespectful things is not funny and I wouldn't treat it as such. Talking things through and giving her reasons for why something is just not a great thing to do really helps with my dd. She almost always makes a choice I can live with when we talk. Sorry I don't have anything more concrete.
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:23 PM
 
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Our DS is like that and he definitely gets it from the other boys at his preschool. I certainly believe it's a phase, but it gets on my nerves as well - especially when we're out in public and he's talking about the potty, toilet, pooping, etc.,

When he brings it up at the dinner table, I firmly tell him that we don't talk like that at the table, it's rude, yucky and not acceptable. He seems to understand and doesn't bring it up anymore. He knows that it's a joke and that's it and strongly encourage to keep it as such.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
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Old 05-17-2010, 01:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The more I think about this, the more this is actually more an issue with her peer group and our friends. We tend to be stricter/more traditional than our friends (mind you, most of the world would think we are NOT strict or traditional) and it's a continuing problem for me. It seems hard/confusing/bothersome to enforce expectations with her that the other kids do not have placed on them, but I don't feel okay with just letting it go when around friends, esp. since we are around these friends quite a lot--at home, at parks, in school.

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Old 05-17-2010, 02:33 PM
 
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It's hard when you're with other kids whose parents allow it. When potty talk happens here, I give them a bit of leeway, a few reminders, but if it continues, I ask them to remove themselves to the bathroom, since that's where bathroom talk goes.

A lot of times with boys my oldest's age (6), I find that a lighthearted approach works well, if you are in charge of a playdate or something. "Hey guys! If you keep up the potty talk, you have to go where the potty is!" and another, firmer warning, "I'm serious about it, in our house we talk about bathroom stuff IN the bathroom." with a smile but a firm look, IYKWIM. Then off to the bathroom, and they get bored RULL fast.

If we're in public, I pull him aside and remind him and give him leeway for being excited and getting carried away, but still expect him to try his best to remember.

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Old 05-17-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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I'm with you about being SO OVER the potty talk - I overheard a teacher once say that talk was only allowed in the potty room - say those words all you want in the bathroom - the rest of us do not want to hear it - dd still needs reminders now and then (she's 6.5) but it has generally been effective

good luck
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Old 05-17-2010, 09:15 PM
 
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This may be neither here nor there, apologies if that's the case. It may simply be that we have not reached this phase yet, or 4 yo DD's personality doesn't lend itself to this particular type of humor.

All that said, I am ECing 1 yo DD. This means that all the livelong day, 1 yo DD walks around with no underpants on, and she regularly goes potty in places that are not the potty. She goes in the potty plenty too, but EC is a hit n' miss kind of deal around here. 4 yo DD sees so much potty humor in action that's it's no longer funny. I think the laugh is fueled by the sense of crossing a boundary, bringing up something forbidden, and getting a rise out of folks. If the baby is actively pooping on the floor, talking about it is, well, necessary. And tbh, I find these situations a little bit absurd, so we all find ourselves laughing about it. I wonder whether a matter-of-fact approach, plus exposure to the point of desensitization is what is keeping this problem from being a problem here?

[On the other hand, the baby does still poop on the floor more than I'd like. :]
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