Non punishment solutions/ideas - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 06-10-2010, 11:59 AM - Thread Starter
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I'm relatively convinced I'm going to try to be a non-punishment parent. However a situation I ran into today has me thinking.

Situation: Our YMCA has free babysitting while working out and most the Babysitters bring their children with them. Today one of the kids was physically going after one of the other kids because he wanted the toy the girl was playing with, after begging for the toy over and over again. The mom's of the two were there and handled it with a time out. The one mom explained that the boy was tired from having less sleep because of a special event the night before.

So i started thinking about how to handle a situation that got violent when you can't leave, in a non punishing way. I'm not planning on telling these mom's what to do at all just thinking about the future when my DD turns 2 herself. What could you do in this kind of scenario that is non punitive but keeps everyone safe? Can time outs be non punitive?
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#2 of 4 Old 06-10-2010, 12:38 PM
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Its very rare that you will be placing your DD into a situation that you CAN'T leave, really.

2 year olds don't usually seem to get that much out of socialization with other young children. Its usually more stressful for them than beneficial. So to answer your question, how to deal with a situation like the one you described without using punishment:

1. Don't place the child in a situation that they aren't ready for, and if you do, make sure you have a way to take her out of it if its too much for her (e.g. "hey, lets go for a walk outside" or "lets go do something else".)

2. If such a young child is hitting, block and redirect. It might mean sitting down on the floor and engaging one on one with your child to hold their interest. Or problem solve to get all children's desires met (e.g. child might like to trade something, child might be willing to take turns, etc).

3. Use time-ins, which are like time-outs, except you don't place the child into forced isolation, you remove them from the situation and sit with them, cuddling or whatever, until they are calm.
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#3 of 4 Old 06-10-2010, 09:46 PM
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oh! BellinghamCrunchie... I think I love you.

The only thing I'd add is interdiction.

Adults should be "tuned in" to what is going on in the room. I don't mean that they should be "helicopters", we can still chat with each other, but interdicting before something boils over, and interacting (at ground level, which means you are on your knees) will avoid the need for repair strategies such as re-directing etc.

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#4 of 4 Old 06-13-2010, 08:09 AM
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I totally understand what you mean about not being able to leave. DS & I can virtually always leave a situation, but on occasion, I work at a church nursery, with DS, and since I'm the paid help, I can't leave if he's unhappy, etc. When this has happened, I redirect him and take him and play one-on-one with him somewhere else in the room. Sometimes, that can be rough, too, though, since, as I said, I'm the paid help, and it looks like I'm getting paid to watch my kid by himself. Sometimes, when I redirect, I take DS to play near another child who doesn't cause as many conflicts, or rather who doesn't have a conflicting personality with DS.

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