Please help me with my daughter acting out over my divorce - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 3 Old 06-18-2010, 11:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
Barefoot~Baker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My stbx and I separated 4 months ago and are getting a divorce. Since then, my 4yo daughter has been acting out a lot (of course I expected this) and I don't know quite how to handle it.

Mainly it's anger and aggression that I'm dealing with. She's become very whiny and defiant. She's hit me a couple of times and has been scratching her big sister. My heart breaks for her because I know that it's caused by insecurity and pain over the family break-up.

I try explaining to her that she can't hit and scratch, I give her time-outs, and try talking to her, but maybe I'm not saying the right things. I'm thinking of taking her to a child psychologist. She's not herself. What can I do?

Maybe I should have posted in Single Parenting, I'm not sure, there are a couple of issues here, please move it if you have to

Single Mom with a BF  stillheart.gif  Mommy to 2 girlsphotosmile2.gif blahblah.gif & 2 boys jog.gifsuperhero.gif nocirc.gif

 wash.gif banghead.gif Using the Law of Attraction candle.gif om.gif Loving my Family  cat.gif 

Barefoot~Baker is offline  
#2 of 3 Old 06-18-2010, 11:48 PM
 
dziwozony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: new zealand
Posts: 447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think the key is to stay firm with unacceptable behavior (violence, for example), while still giving some allowance for acting out. Or at least, instead of giving a time out for hitting, for example, maybe you could turn it into a time in & try talking to her when she's in that angry spot...when she's raging if you brought up feelings she might be having about the divorce, it might pour out then. Allow her to express any emotions she might be feeling, try to give her lots of space to ask questions or discuss fears she might have. If the communication just isn't happening, maybe an outside psychologist might help.

...and I just wanted to add, I have recently been dealing with a family split up as well & I know it's really hard to cope with your child acting out when you are trying to sort out & process your own emotions at the same time! So I just wanted to share some empathy with that...

mama to 2 busy boys (may 2007 & december 2008)
dziwozony is offline  
#3 of 3 Old 06-19-2010, 08:33 AM
 
mom2grrls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 381
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would stop the time outs for sure, you expected this behavior and it's pretty normal so punishing won't make it go away. Try to give her feelings a name when she's angry but do say that while it's ok to feel x, it's not ok to hit/scratch. Giver her some other ways to cope with her feelings and I think perhaps talking to a counselor wouldn't be a bad idea either.

Cathy mom to 13 y/o DD, 10 y/o DD, 7 y/o DS

mom2grrls is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off